High School Sweetheart

Montana 1995

Sometimes i am reminded, like when i pull on my worn-out champion sweatshirt that used to be TJ's when he was in high school, that i married my high school sweetheart. It seems hard to believe that our paths crossed at such a young age. At an age when there was still so much growing and learning ahead of us. At a time when we didn't fully know who we were as individuals, let alone a couple.

But God does amazing things.

That young couple, just kids then, really, would someday put their daughter down for bed, buy a house, get teaching jobs, cook steaks with carmelized onions on a saturday night, support each other in the loss of a mom, grandmas and grandpas, laugh till they cried at The Office, and be so in love with each other.

When i am reminded of how young we were, at how little our world was then, it amazes me that such a deep love filled with trust, passion, and communication can come about.

Prom- 1996

God has plans.

We both did a lot of changing, a lot of growing up, and a lot of questioning. . . but somehow we did it at the same rate, or the same way, or maybe we just gave each other room to figure out who the other person was on their own. Going away to college was the best thing we did. . .it made us grow up, figure out who we were and build a relationship on trust and communication. We always had to communicate. . .long nights on the phone, e-mail, and letters (TJ got almost one a day from me for a couple years!)

At any rate, i am blessed. My husband rocks and it is so incredible to have so much history together.

I think i will go eat my steak with caramelized onions now. I don't know what brought this on. . .

Gradutaion- 1996 (i graduated a year before TJ)

Week One

I know it will improve once i get in my groove. I am confident in that, but it is getting to that point that has me a bit uneasy. I went from knowing every facial expression, every morsel of food, every new and tiny change of jaely's to having to ask "is this new?"

It makes me even more thankful that i took that year off. . . and it makes me even more grateful that although i might not be seeing all the little things that go on her in everyday life, her papa still is. TJ has been amazing at keeping me updated with the little changes and events. He doesn't seem to get annoyed with my questions. He is really putting thought into what to dress jaely in because he knows it is important to me that she looks cute. He really could care less about what she wears. He is an amazing dad.

I went from being with her non-stop all day and into the early evening, to just being with her in the early evening. . . and when i am, i am so tired. And she is a tad grumpy at times! But she does seem to give me energy. I am so glad that the bulk of her day is with her papa, but i am a little bummed that she sees Miss Amber more than her mama. I just keep smiling knowing that she is in good hands, whether she is with her papa or Miss Amber. . . and knowing i get weekends and summers helps.

We feel like jaely is already talking more since being around other kids. She is learning to run. . . yikes! And she enjoys being chased (until she falls into the corner of a door frame, then. . .not so much) She is signing for the word bath by beating her chest (she is supposed to move her hands up and down on her chest, but hey, it is close enough for us). She also signs for the word more. TJ says she now says hello and she is waving goodbye more often. She still turns her head away from me when i pucker up for a kiss and snuggles down on my shoulder right before going down to bed.

I wonder what i will miss by working.
I am gaining a lot from working again, but sometimes the sacrifice doesn't seem worth it. . . other times it seems like the right thing to do.

I will get the hang of it. I am just so glad that i stayed home for a year.

Classroom Chair

I guess you could say i got inspired. I needed a new chair for my classroom. So i went downstairs and found a pile of chairs. . . took one.

Painted it blue. . . and painted a piece of cheese on it.

I am happy with it.

Bye, Bye Red Room

By far the most beloved color in our house is the deep red of the guest room. When we first moved in, we painted almost every room a deep shade of color. Starting with our bedroom, a nice tranquil two coat sage green. Our purple master bathroom. Blue second bathroom and lastly our red office (at the time- turned guest room a little before jaely's arrival). It took seven coats to paint that room. We had never heard of tinted primer, obviously.

I can't really describe this red, and pictures don't capture it correctly. It is deeper than brighter and more brickish than fire enginish. We both LOVE it.

It is time to repaint it as jaely's big girl bed is going to be delivered soon. She won't sleep in it for a very long time, but we thought it was a great time to paint it- we have no newborn to worry about at the time, i am not pregnant so i have some energy to help, jaely's bed will be delivered soon, and we want to have plenty of time for her to get used to the room before she has to be used to the room.

The bedding that i found almost a year ago won't even come close to looking good with red walls. Sometime in the future our guest bedroom/office downstairs will be red. . . but until then we will be grieving the lose of the red. I still have the paint chip, so we should be alright for the future.

Bye Red. . . you will be missed.

When you find me, will you let me know?

I am not myself lately. I know it is my body's reaction to the hormones and such, but that doesn't really help. I am completely self- conscious, ridiculously impatient, close to tears at any given moment, perhaps a little cruel (although, i am trying really hard not to be), overly apologetic, and over analyzing everything.

Not a good time to return to work outside of the home and away from Jaely. Guilt- for not being here enough and for missing her little changes. Questions- does she even like me? Will i be able to do this all?

I am confident that these feelings will disappear as my body regulates. I know that i am not normal, so i am trying not to make big decisions or have any important discussions or do any deep reflecting at this point in time. :)

I probably won't make much sense. . .

but i will try to. I am struggling with writing. A little tired. Very overwhelmed, yet in a good way. Not a lot of time to collect my thoughts lately. Very grateful to God- for my family's health, for Jaelynne and her laughter, for my sexy scientist turned stay-at-home papa of a husband, for medical insurance as my ovaries are being told (by shots) to get ready to drop some eggs, for my position in third grade, for our cozy warm home filled with pitter patter of feet and smiles and tasty food.

TJ has been amazing. He has stepped up to the one who takes care of the house primarily and plans meals and makes dinners and arranges appointments and makes calls and cleans up and feeds jaely and plays with jaely and grocery shops. He has never been so attractive to me as when i see him playing with our daughter and clipping coupons. That is hot!

I had my appointment in Grand Rapids today. I called at 8:30 and they wanted to see me at 9:30. Last time TJ came to every appointment, but now that we have jaelynne i will be doing it by myself. I tried really hard to listen to directions and explanations. . . i tried not to get lost in the maze of exam rooms and consultation rooms and check out stations. I left feeling quite proud of myself. I didn't fart on the doctor (a fear of mine). I didn't get lost. My ovaries are ready to start the shots. I feel calm and at peace. . . the sense of urgency is significantly less than when we were trying with jaely. I have to remind myself that this round might not work. . . that we might have to do this all over again, but i know it will eventually work. And i am so excited by this certainty. My next appointment is next sunday. I was so so worried that it would be on the first day of school. There really is no give time. . . it is not flexible. . . when my ovaries are ready, they are ready and don't really care what else i have going on. They scheduled it for sunday, and i sighed in relief.

Right now, TJ is grocery shopping. Jaely is sound asleep in her crib (probably with her butt, errr bottom, up in the air and her legs crossed at her ankles. The sky is lighting up with each strike of lightening and the thunder is rumbling. I really just want to read, but i had better work on some school work. And so it begins!

Chaos

Life seems to be getting more chaotic. . . trying to fit in getting ready for school, spending time with jaelynne and tj, squeezing in doctor and dentist appointments, hanging out with the bug so that tj can get some stuff done, figuring/visiting daycare options, and just keeping up with the normal watering plants-dusting-vacuuming-cleaning kind of stuff. Ahh.

I am enjoying getting things ready for school and organizing my classroom. Starting to get excited about the little faces and bodies that will soon occupy the chairs i have around each table. Starting to get freaked out (especially now that i have a child of my own) about how much responsibility i have to each child- that they see me more during the day than their mom or dad.

I can feel the hormones creeping in as i try to suppress thoughts and words that i know are ridiculous. But, i am so excited about what comes next. . . not the actual shots, but the fact that they will help my ovaries drop an egg is truly exciting. :) I hope the timing works out and i am not out of town when i am supposed to go to the doctors. . . that could get tricky.

I am loving being a mom. It has been so exciting to watch jaely change and grow. It is wild. She makes me laugh everyday. . . and i am not talking about a chuckle. I mean a hearty laugh. I also LOVE watching TJ be a dad. He engages with her in such fantastic ways. . . actively, fun, and so full of love.

I can tell by how i am writing that i need to go to bed. Good night.

Date Day

On Friday, gail watch jaely for the entire day while tj and i spent the day in GR. Some things, like getting an oil change, were not as enjoyable as others, but it was so great to be able to run some errands that needed to be done.

The morning started early. We got up at 5 and were in the doctor's office by 7. And good news from our doctor. We are going to be able to skip to the treatment that brought us jaely. My body is stubborn. . . instead of being able to get my body to cycle with a single hormone that i take for five days, i need to take a combination of two for thrity days. So, we have to wait a little bit before TJ can start giving me shots. We are excited. We are praying that i don't get OHSS again. The shots will be very gradually increased to help the ovaries not get over stimulated. And we are praying it brings us a baby. :)

It was still early after our appointment, so we headed to panera bread for some goodies. Sipping chai or coffee and eating a cinimon crunch bagel or a breakfast sandwich without having to cut up food for jaely was so relaxing. We just sat, relaxed, sipped, and talked.

We went to a favorite toy store. Got an oil change. Visited the mall. And saw a movie.

It was awesome to sit in a movie theater next to my husband with a bucket of popcorn and a fountain drink. Harry Potter was alright. We enjoyed it. . . the book was immeasurably better, but we still enjoyed ourselves.

Then we topped off the day with a fabulous dinner at The Melting Pot. It was an unbelievalbe experience. It was so nice to take over two hours to eat a three course meal and dessert. We slowly dipped, cooked, ate, and sipped during the meal. It felt like how eating should be.

We returned home 14 hours later. Tired. Relaxed. Thankful and excited.

Jaely had a wonderful day with gramma. . . swimming, walks, playing, shopping, sleeping, and eating.

I'm So Happy!

I love organizing. . . at times, it can be a weakness of mine. When i walked down to the basement and saw this. . .



I was so excited. I immediately got out my label maker (yes, organization freaks like me have label makers) and labeled the tubs. Now our stacks of tubs won't float away again. . . and we have more room. I cannot believe how many tubs are baby/kid related. And i am sure this is just the beginning!

It is amazing what a little organization can do!

Thanks TJ for building these wonderful and safe shelves. They are super sturdy (even for sneaky climbing children!)

And, did you notice the clean, bleached floor. If you could have seen it before the sweeping and bleach- dead worms, decaying leaves, soaked insulation, and filth. Yeah! He is almost done with bleaching the basement floor. What a huge job it is to get the basement back to normal.

Nasty & Beautiful

This is nastyI had the light fixture in the picture to show the size of this moth. Absolutely nasty and hairy.
Absolutely beautiful. Although it is more blue than this picture is portraying.

More gardening

The pink impatience are finally starting to fill in.
The blooming hydrangea. . . a nice light shade of bluish/purplish
A daylily my friend Marilee got me for my birthday a few years back has bloomed.

Still going strong. . .
The hanging baskets are getting huge! (well, except for the bocoppa. . . those are dying.)
My new plant stands to complete the set. . . i got these with my birthday money from my aunt carol and uncle mike. They were 70% off. . .i was waiting! They are two tiered and made of slate. (thank you Antie Ca Ca and uncle coupon!)



The alien looking hen & chick is getting ready to pop!

The creeping jenny is really starting to creep. Look at it reach out to the glass ball. I should probably stop it!

The first shasta daisy bloom of the season.

This hosta is getting WAY too big. It must be moved this fall.

A wee little clematis. Love the deep purple.
Where i daily spend part of jaely's nap. . . watering, deadheading, and weeding. I love it.

The List

Every now and then, TJ and i make a list of wants/needs. Recently we made such a list. Here it is in no particular order.

• Shed
• Finished Basement
• Stairs of Deck
• Cement Driveway
• Tiled backsplash
  
• Hutch
• Trees cut down (some dead and some alive)
• Big girl furniture
• Fixed snowblower (this is no longer necessary thanks to Steve & gail!)
  
• Big screen TV
• Play structure
• Pond

It is so nice to dream and to plan these things. TJ made a quick drawing of plans we had talked about in finishing the basement. . . we would like a booth (we love sitting in booths), bathroom, guest room, kitchen, built-ins (don't get me started on that one!), fireplace, etc. . . .

I asked TJ to pick his top three independently while i did the same. Thankfully we had the same top three. . . just in a different order. :)

Although this is NOT one of the top three. . . look what i found on the internet. . . a stunning cherry hutch.

Mid June Garden

My new plant standsThe geranium i got on clearance in the beginning of spring is doing awesome!

The wood chips still need to be spread and the azaleas still need to be planted. . . and the gardens need to be weeded. Always things to be done!

We planted a variety of ground cover a couple of years ago in between the stepping stones. . . this stuff is called Buttons. I love how bright green it is and how nicely it is filling in.
Clematis
Lily
A daisy getting ready to pop!
Hardy Geranium
This little guy found a home in the crack of the stones.
The creeping Jenny has creeped around the sitting stone and then blossomed with its yellow flowers.
The hens and chicks are having babies and blooming!
I took this two days ago. . . today there are a ton of orange flowers.
More of the creeps

Little Umi

I ran across this precious creation while clipping coupons. . . this is a must have. Just read on and you will want one too. . . .(she is worth every penny of her $139.00 price).The most incredibly lifelike baby monkey ever!

A masterpiece of amazing realism!

For the first time ever, here's a masterpiece of sculpting that truly rivals Mother Nature- to create a little sweetheart of a baby that you'll want to cuddle and nurture the moment you see her! Introducing Little Umi, the very first baby monkey in our world-famous So Truly Real baby doll line. Little Umi is a newborn orangutan by reknowned animal artist Wendy Dickson, and she is precious and perfect in every detail. Little Umi's head and limbs are collector quality vinyl that recreates every realistic detail of her face, hands and feet. She's covered with wispy hair, rooted by hand for a natural look. Her gentle eyes, with thick dark lashes look lovingly and trustingly right into yours. Offer Umi her pacifier, and she'll feel totally loved by you!

A collector FIRST at an incredible value!

Available for a limited time and demand is expected to be great. so order NOW. Wendy Dickson's one-of-a-kind animal babies sell for thousands of dollars, but Little Umi is only $139.99*.

Actual size is 14'' long, the size of a real baby! This baby orangutan is not a toy; she is a fine collectible to be enjoyed by adult collectors.



I couldn't get all the pictures of baby umi. . . they are protected, but i thought i would share a glimpse of what i saw in the ad. . . the other ones are a tad more creepy.


(warning: this is a sarcastic post. . . please do think i am seriously encouraging those of you who read this to order Little Umi or to purchase Little Umi as a gift for me, for it may be one of the most frightening things i have ever seen. . .including my bump boil butt thing that exploded and oozed this week)

The Garden

Some things are blooming, and others are just coming up. . .



It is so exciting to watch.
The bottom level is an absolute mess, due to the standing water last month.

Declaring my love for TJ. . .

Maxx.

I know, i know. I do love my husband TJ, but i have declared that a number of times. I don't think, however, that i have ever put my love for TJ Maxx into words. I love that place. Their children's books are super cheap (although, i am not supporting local bookshops when i buy there). I love their shoes and their kitchen things. And i can always find a baby gift there. Their clearance prices are unbeatable. They have never let me down. That, my friend, is why i go there only a couple times a year. Dangerous. Dangerous. Dangerous for a one income family. I do save money when i go there, but on stuff that i don't need. . . just want.

Today i did get something i need. . . a case for my mac for when it is in travel. But, i also got books for jaely, a dress for her that i couldn't resist, a candle, a father's day gift, and a pillow to match jaelynne's big girl bed stuff (yes, i already purchased stuff for her big girl room. No, we are not expecting, but i did have a dream that we were. It was just such a good price and adorable cute that i had to get it.) That was way too much to include in parentheses. Sorry.

Previous Post

If you read my previous post, you will notice that i mentioned losing sleep over worrying about things in first grade next year.

Looks like i will be getting more peaceful sleep.

My placement just got changed to third grade. I can do that and still be a wife and mom!