I hope we have a white christmas!!

TJ is making Mahogany Beef Stew in a red wine and hoisin sauce and mashed potatoes with horseradish . . . one of my favorites. We are enjoying our family's Christmas today. . . the three of us this year. We will open stockings and rip open our presents for each other. Jaely will then go to bed and TJ and i will enjoy our delicious dinner together as the snow continues to fall. I wish i could say that we would then snuggle up and relax to a good movie, but that is not the case. TJ needs to shovel the driveway so we can leave in the morning and i need to pack for myslef and a baby for a five day adventure. We both have a ton to do before we can leave here in the morning. It will all get done, but there isn't really anything relaxing about it. I will relax during dinner, though, that is for sure.

This is our back deck. . . this is not a drift, it is the actual amount of snow we have. . . good ol' lake effect. Almost reaches the top of the railing!


Last year at this time i was pregnant and we had a tree sitting on both of our cars. This year sure is different!

Lindsey Got a Snow Day Too!

At first i was kind of bummed that this day was turning out to be just like any other day that TJ has to work, but it turned out to be a little different and by evening it was very different. Normally i make dinner and clean up so that TJ can have some jaely time or take a nap or do whatever. Tonight we had breakfast for dinner. We ate egg, sausage/bacon, cheese biscuit sandwich things with hashbrowns. TJ helped me make it, but the best part was that after putting jaely to bed he cleaned up. He didn't just tidy up until it looked decent to him, he looked at and cleaned the kitchen through Lindsey eyes. He said i should go downstairs and scrapbook (something i have been wanting to do for a long time). So i did for an hour and when i came up the kitchen was sparkling. Spattered bacon grease was cleaned up, the garbage was emptied and a new bag was in the trash can, the dishwasher was running, and the counters were spotless. What an awesome end to a wonderful snow day. Thanks TJ. . . you sure know how to make your girl smile!

Tomorrow we have a day outing prepared. . . shopping in holland, Grand Haven or Grand Rapids. Sunday we are going to church (finally), buying cookie ingrdiants, and going to a dinner party. Monday we are making a TON of cookies, and Tuesday we are celebrating our family Chirstmas at our house before we head to gail's on wednesday. We have some busy days coming up. . . they definetly won't feel like normal days, which is totally what i need right now.

TJ is our shoveling again so we can get out of the driveway tomorrow. Poor guy.

Curves in Colon Closed

Apparently in the town of Colon there is a Curves that is closed today, but every time i see that message run across the bottom of the TV screen, i can't help but giggle. I didn't know my colon had curves. . . is it supposed to?

Anyway, great delight is abound in our home. TJ has a snow day, and although i am not teaching, i feel like i have a snow day too. I have an extra day to spend with my hubby, i have two extra hands to help and to play with jaely, and i have a husband who is not so sleep deprived. Life is good.

There is a lot of snow. Police are asking that we stay inside as some roads are currently "impassible." TJ is shoveling the driveway. . . ya, every season has something he must attend to that is making it difficult to work on the built-in. Someday. Did i mention that we have a john deere snowblower in our garage? Let's not talk about it. . .

We looked at our cookie recipes to see what we need to purchase at the store. Christmas is less than a week away and my excitement is growing.

It is becoming evident that TJ and i need to find ourselves a babysitter. It hasn't been such a big deal, but lately we have had to pass up some opportunities for some outings with adults because of it. Some girls from work offered if TJ and i just want to get a bite to eat, but i am afraid we need more than just that and if it is a work function- like our Christmas party- that won't work. As of now, gail has been more than gracious to watch jaely so that TJ and i can get out together, but she is also on the other side of the stae. We have a dinner this Sunday at 6:30. TJ is still unsure if kids are going to be there. He is going to find out, but with a time of 6:30 i am not so sure. At my staff party, i had to go alone so TJ could stay home with the bug. We got invited to a new year's eve party which we would love to go to, but what do we do with the bug?

Jaelynne's naps have been almost nonexsistan. . . well, i shouldn't say that. She is taking them, but it is taking her FOREVER to fall asleep. She is practicing all her new moves in her crib. I am sometimes tempted to pull her out and start all over again a little later, but i don't want to get into the habit of getting her out of her crib. Yesterday, i think she spent most of her waking hours in her crib. . . that is a sad exsistance for a baby who is learning to do things and is so curious about her world around her. I am currently listening to her cry/play over the monitor. When i go silently into her room to pick her binky up off the floor she is up on her arms rocking back and forth and giggling at me. Arrg.

Crazy

When we returned home yesterday evening, it was 40 degrees. When i woke up this morning, it was 15 degrees. Yikes! All night i listened to the wind howling and slapping the rain, sleet, snow stuff against the windows. I prayed for safety for my family as i thought of the trees moving forcefully from side to side and the rain freezing on their branches making them very brittle.

There was no damage of which i am aware. But it is so ugly outside. I opened jaely's blinds like i do every morning as i say in a too cheery voice "good morning sunshine." There was none to be had. In fact i think by opening the blinds i actually made her room darker. The trees are back to being black, instead of having every branch traced in white. The snow on the ground is a dull wet gray color and the driveway. . . well, lets not talk about the driveway. We barely made it in last night and i don't think things improved during our sleep, so i think i will be staying in today. There is a fresh layer of snow falling gently as i write this, so maybe things will brighten up.

My day is about to brighten up becuase i just finished my cereal, so now it is time to take jaely out of the exersauce and let her scoot all over the living room and kitchen! Bye,

We didn't go to church this morning for the third sunday in a row. We had plans in the afternoon and i really wanted jaely to get at least one good nap. Maybe next week?

My dad drove down and got here around noon. We hung out for a while before heading down together for G.R . to meet aunt carol, uncle mike, and jered for his birthday dinner. It was excellent to see everyone. . . and i get to see them again in just a couple of weeks plus jason and Whitney. Exciting!

Right now Jaelynne is crying in her crib. She napped on the way home from GR and i think it kind of messed up her schedule, but that is all right. It is not like we do it all the time. The girl needs to be flexible and she needs to see her family and she needs to see other people other than her dad and her mom.

TJ is working away on school stuff. One more week until christmas break. Hooray!!

I am still so full from dinner. . .

I am not sure why i wrote this post, but oh well, here it is.

Just like mom's

I made my very first pot roast ever yesterday (yes, in spite of my horrible day). It tasted so good. It tasted just like my mom's did. The potatoes were just a little different-not as mashable. So delicious. Tonight i am making one of her recipes, chicken divan.

Jaely is going on a 2 1/2 hour nap. I balanced the checkbook, paid bills, did dishes, pureed food for jaely, read a chapter of Sex God, watched a recorded episode of Sex and the City, cleaned the kitchen counters, took a shower :), and now i am blogging. She will be such a happy baby when she wakes up. She needed this nap. This morning, she woke up way early and wouldn't go back to sleep, then only took a 45 minute nap.

i know when she wakes up she will have that crusty goodness around her mouth in the shape of her binky. And she will have an imprint of the lap pad seam going across her cheek on to her forehead. I love our girl.

Today is my oldest brother's birthday. I remember when he held my hair back for me when i was throwing up, and when he cradled me after i fell into the corner of the coffee table, and when he changed my tire in GR after i got a flat, and when he gave me a "Happy Batmistva" card for my birthday, and when he gave me two of my mom's favorite recipes framed, and when he made a toast at Jason's wedding stating that he finally has a sister he can be proud of (referring to his new sister-in-law), and when he was the grill master (who burned himself) at the rib cook off at my bridal shower, and how he let me have friends downstairs for a roller skating party if i gave him a 2 liter of the pop i had purchased for the event, and when his car rolled down the driveway on echo- across the street and landing in the bushes inches from a brick house, i remember picking him up and driving across the state after hearing that our mom had passed away, i remember him making me my first chai latte at the restaurant he worked at the day before i got married in an effort to calm me, i remember my mom and i eating at the restaurant and being one of his first costomers (watching a lefty try to fill out an order form in air can be painful), i remember him and my mom cooking in the kitchen together, i remember the constant digging sound of legos, i remember after telling him to "shut up" his calm response of "but i am not the one being loud, lindsey", i remember driving him to the hospital because he was in such pain he could hardly sit, i remember when he came in the house and told my mom that he had lost a contact lense in the snow, i remember going to watch him act in plays and improve. . .

Wow, i could go on and on. Happy Birthday Jered! You are loved.

Frustrating.

We are going on the second winter now where i have not been able to park in the garage. It is strange because from age 15 (when i started to drive) to 25 i never had a garage. I didn't know what i was missing, but now that i do, i am spoiled by one. In spite of what some of the men in my family believe, a garage is for parking cars.

I didn't venture out yesterday because of the heavy snow that was falling from the sky, but i just had to get out today. I put jaely in her exesaucer and attempted to clear my car off. We have about 20 inches of snow. I did decide to wear my big boots out there, but it didn't matter. My jeans were soaked. The arms of my white sweatshirt were wet and blackened by the dirt on my car. As i leaned over my hood to get to the middle of my windshield, by stomach and chest also became covered in snow and dirt. I was out there for a good 10 minutes. There was ice under the snow. I bundled jaely up, put on normal shoes (i can't shop in heavy snow boots) and went out to the car. I try to follow my same footprints, but you know that doesn't really work. I am in snow almost up to my knee. My whole shopping experience was cold, due to wet, cold feet.

On my way home, jaely is crying because she didn't (couldn't) nap. I am on M120 where it is five lanes wide and i step on the brakes to slow down for an upcoming red light. All of a sudden the whole layer of ice and snow that was on my roof slides down and lands on my windshield. It is too heavy for my wipers. I cannot see a thing. People are hoking, Jaely is crying, and i am panicking. it takes me a few seconds to figure out where my window switch is (it is in the middle of the counsel). I roll it down, take my arm and try to remove some of the snow so that my wipers can work. The snow lands in my car, on my lap, all over my dashboard, hand and arm. Now both jaely and i are crying. Huge clumps of snow are literally sitting on my lap. At least i didn't get in an accident.

When we get home, i take her inside. I take my shoes off so i don't track wet snow all through the house. I get my wet jeans off and put Jaely down for a nap. I don't dare go back out to my car to get my things. I am not in the mood to get wet feet and legs all over again.

I want the garage back.

I know TJ is very busy. . . I am not blaming him. I just want the garage back.

It just keeps falling

The snow won't stop and although it is absolutely beautiful to watch, i know it means a lot of work for TJ. He has already spent a morning shoveling and i am afraid there is much more to shovel. It has also kept me inside all day. I had plans of going out today, but thinking of bundling jaely up, pushing the stroller through slush, and clearing off my car has changed my plans. Instead, i made jaely some more food (peaches and mango), made chili for dinner tonight, and finished up laundry. Perfect things to do on a chilly day.

Jaely was so much fun today. She finally got enough sleep, so she wasn't whiny. She was giggly and curiously exploring the living room. She is scooting around pretty well now. . . almost an army crawl, but not quite.

Christmas shopping is almost finished. I have one more gift to buy and then stuff for TJ's stocking. The tree is up. I do need to get the outdoor lights hung and the reindeer put up, but other than that we are set. I love having the Christmastree lit up in the evening. I catch myself just staring at it.

I need to make more loopies, so i better get going before jaely's nap is over.

Facebook

Well, some of my friends have vanished from blogger land and rely solely on facebook to satisfy their needs. So. . . i had to join facebook. I will DEFINITELY continue to blog. I like to blog and actually write. While facebook is good for making connections, that seems about it. . . although i realize i do not know all that it is capable of doing. I do know that i do not like the "Lindsey is. . . "

We are at gail's house. TJ is at a conference in Dearborn. I am glad that Jaely gets to see her relatives.


Lindsey is off to take a shower while jaely is napping.

Awake

I am still awake and going strong. TJ is in TC and i decided to get all the Christmas stuff up. I just finished with the tree. The only thing i have left are the porch lights and norbert the Reindeer. I don't remember how damaged he was from the tree falling last year. It seems to me TJ was able to bend him back.

I think i did alright with the going to bed routine. Jaely is tucked soundly into her crib and i haven't heard a peep. I realize that could change at any moment, but i am glad she has slept well thus far.

Right now, i am eating some of my husband's ice cream- ben and jerry's phish food. Yum, marshmellow gooey goodness.

I am so excited to read some of my Christmas picture books to jaely and to myself. I do love this time of year.

I decorated my little tree that i normally put in my classroom. It is going to go in Jaelynne's room. It is snowflake theme. I took most of the snowflake ornaments and garland that my mom got me and put them on the little tree. It's pretty cute. And a little way to bring my mom into jaely's christmas.

I should probably start winding down. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.

Good night.

It is December

Good bye November. Hello bright and sparkly December. We woke up to a winter wonderland today. The kind where the snow sticks to one side of the tree trunks and makes its way up to stick to every possible branch, the contrast with the bright white and deep brown is stunning. The light pours in through the windows. No lights will be needed until the sun sets.

We got back into town on Saturday and spent sunday recuperating, unpacking, shopping, working and decorating. I put my village up while TJ worked on school stuff and while jaely slept. I love putting up the village. Last night, however, i was exhausted by the time i finished. It isn't quite how i want it, but it works for right now. Jaely couldn't take her eyes off of it this morning.

Today, i will start to put up the christmas stuff.

Jaely's canvas is done as well, so i have to go pick that up. . . in the winter wonderland. The photographer said it is so beautiful that she hung it in her studio. I ordered the rest of the prints yesterday.

TJ leaves for TC early tomorrow morning. He will get back Wednesday night, pick me and jaely up and we will head to gail's because TJ has a conference in Dearborn on Thursday and Friday. Crazy week. I guess i don't have to worry about cooking dinner for us this week.

Cotton Balls

When i take the polish off of my nails or when i get the eye gunk from Jaely's eyes i reach for a cotton ball.

The package reads "triple sized" cotton balls. TJ recently bought 10 packages of triple sized cotton balls (yes, 10). I have never seen a package that wasn't "triple sized." For what would they be good? When in my life would i need a cotton ball a third of the size? Somewhere down the line the cotton ball has transformed into a larger more plush version of its original puny size. Now the normal is the triple size. . . one simply cannot find double or original size. Did they even make a double, or did they skip right to the triple?

Important stuff to ponder.

Thinking Outside the Box. . .

is not a strength of mine. So, my head hurts trying to. The gears have been going non-stop for two days, and i know i should stop, but i cannot.


In January, TJ and i were going to make a decision about him staying home next year to take care of Jaely. It is not looking good, but it has to work some how. We want it to.

We met for lunch today at City Cafe (i had a coupon, but we still didn't really have money for it). It was nice to meet TJ and see him in the middle of the day and Jaely loved it.

We are trying to brainstorm ways for it to be possible for him to stay home. . .

He thought of staying home next year to watch Jaely and maybe other people's kids. He said that would be ideal. He LOVES kids and would get to stay home with Jaely and we would have some other money coming in. The problem: we don't really know anyone looking for a trusting place to take their child for the day. And we don't really know how all the details work.

We both, independently, thought of buying a cheaper smaller house. But we both dismissed that option. Besides not being a good time to sell, we love our house, feel it is perfect of us, and i feel that it was a miracle we found it when we did and for the price we did.

We both thought of one of us working part time next year. It would be easier if TJ did. I would have to find someone to share the job with me and get it approved. TJ's days are separated by hours. . . students don't know if he is there all day or not. We would still need to find day care for part of the day.

Of course we thought of some cuts we could make in our expenses, but not enough.

I could and most likely will work during the summer or i could start now and work nights and weekends. . . and not see my husband very much.

My biggest problem is in my head. I want Jaely (and our future kids) to have money to go camping, to go out to eat every once in awhile, to maybe go to Chicago for the weekend, to have cute clothes. I need to bleieve that none of that really matters.

People have always been most important in my life. Not things. Why am i having such a problem with it. I want Jaely to understand that too. That things are not important, but family and people are.

Then i think if we both did work, we could do some extra things- like finish our basement, buy the land behind our house, buy things for our kids, save for their college, save for our retirement, etc. Things might not be as stressful.

This whole time looming in the back of my mind is us planning on starting to try for a brother or sister for Jaely when she is around a year. If TJ takes a year off this will have to be put on hold. We both cannot not be working. I don't have enough sick days to get paid maternity leave, so we would have no money coming in.

I know and understand that these decisions are not unique to us, but right now it is what is on our minds.

. . . and during all these thoughts, headaches, decisions, and discussions i look down at Jaely's face and realize that almost 8 months has flashed before my eyes. I want to savor these moments with her. She is growing up so quickly.

Prayers would be appreciated during all of these decisions and problem solving possibilities. :)

November Gloom

November has never been a favorite month for me, in spite of birthdays and thanksgiving. It is gloomy, gray, cold, brown, cloudy, and blah. Yesterday, i all i wanted to do was eat. And as i was thinking of christmas gifts for people, i started to desperately miss my mom. I watch Jaely and wish so badly that she would know my mom and that my mom could have had the opportunity to hold her warm cuddly body, to see her smile light up her whole face, to hear her giggle, and to smother kisses on her granddaughter. Rarely, but it happened yesterday, i thought to myself "it's not fair." I don't think that often, but it crept in and surprised me yesterday. It isn't fair for Jaely and it isn't fair for my mom.

I think of the Thanksgiving festivities and the christmas celebrations. Maybe church did it to me as dave spoke of traditions- that traditions have to be more than just an event, but they need to embody a person's character to be passed on to generations. I would hope that i embody some of my mom's traditions that Jaely will get to experience, but i am sad that she won't get to experience the shallower traditions as well. Sauteed mushrooms with lots of butter at Thanksgiving. Mistletoe hanging by the hallway. Decorated chandelier. Cookies- lots and lots of cookies. A designated christmas symbol ( i am the angel and when TJ and i got married, we were doused with the snowflake theme). Gold chocolate coins in my stocking. Surf and turf on the eve of christmas. Celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday after a morning of shopping.

I think of how jaely would have fit in to those traditions- bringing her to my mom's on thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom would be so excited to see her, she would be waiting by the door with her jammies on, coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. At the moment she saw us, both would be forgotten about, so she could grab jaelynne out of our arms. I never saw my mom with many babies, so i have a difficult time knowing how she would act, but i do know that she wanted us to have kids badly, almost to the point of nagging us. The 'when' questions appeared almost as soon as we were married (maybe before?).

I think this holiday season is going to be more difficult than i thought. I am excited about celebrating with a Jaely this year, but it makes the pain of not having my mom worse. I ricochet from being so excited to get jaely a stocking to being so sad that my mom won't be a part of these memories. It hurts and although i try to stay positive, sometimes (like on a dreary day of november) it just doesn't work.

At least the sun is out today.

I feel bad because i kind of ignored jaely this morning while i was taking care of some christmas gifts. She played by herself, which i know is good, but she was making noise trying to get my attention and i let her just keep playing by herself. Now she is napping.

Dinner

Tonight i made sloppy joes for dinner. I am not talking about the manwich kind that you buy in the can (although, there is nothing wrong with that kind). I am talking about bbq sauce, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, garlic and onion. Yum.

Today, Jaely actually fell asleep while we were at target. I could not beleive it. I was looking at little christmas outfits today and i got so sad thinking about my mom and how she would have surely started a theme for jaely this Christmas. It was real hard. I was choking back tears as i was going up and down every aisle. I did buy her a little classic pooh Christmas dress that came with matching tights. I just couldn't resist it. So cute.

Today is my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday daddy-o! He is quitting smoking completley today. He is gradually gone down in the amount he smokes, but today was going to be the day he gave them up all together. Hooray!

This weekend was crazy busy, but a lot of fun. I took Jaely out and about all day in Grand Rapids. I kind of just wanted to see if i could handle her all on my own. Just little things like when you order at Panera Bread and you have a little one- do you leave her to go get your tray of food or do you try to juggle everything? Where will i nurse her? (which isn't a huge deal now that she also eats solids.) Will she take a nap eventually or will i have a very grumpy baby on my hands?

As it turned out, TJ got out of class super early. So we were able to hang out as a family. Jaely and i left the house around 10 and we all didn't get home until 7. It was nice to have such a change in the every day routine.

This weekend, we ran into people we know all over the place. I spotted our neighbors sitting across the room from us at church yesterday, so we chatted with them. We saw the Corbins getting out of their car as we were parking to eat at Olive Garden, so we ate with them. . . and their parents. And Ryan's parents paid for our meal. . . that wasn't supposed to happen. Then we ran into Al, Carrie, and four week old baby Cade at the mall and talked to them for awhile while standing in Hallmark about the new parenthood thing.

I went to a wonderful Discovery Toys party- might have one myself. They are great toys and they are guarenteed for life. I got Jaely just a few toys and was able to pay cash because i sold so many loopies on Friday at school.

My dad called and asked if Jaely could come out and play. We are anticipating his visit today. :)

I finally get my hair cut and colored tomorrow.

TJ is done with his grad class. The teacher asked if she could use his research paper (the one he stayed up all night to write) as an example of what a good research paper is.

I lost three pounds this week.

Life is good.

Granna

I miss my grandma. It would have been her birthday today.
The red.
The giggles.
The white curly hair.
The phone calls.
The elephants.
The sweet tooth i inherited.
The snorts.
The Jerusalem necklace.
The thoughtfulness.
The shrimp salad.
The smile.
The twinkle in her eye.
The small appetite (except for sweets)
The prayers.
The rosy palms.
The stories.
The dentures.
The perfect complexion.
The "BM" talk.
The "they say".
The tigers baseball.
The hugs & kisses.
The always wanting a hug from TJ.

Powerful

"Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran so our children could fly.”

- sorry, i don't know the source. That kills the English major in me.

Wow- Red Mesa Duffle. . . on clearnace.

i was on looking at verabradley.com for a description of a piece i want that i need to add to my christmas list. . . people are asking for my list, so i need to work on it a bit. Anyway, i stumbled across this beautiful thing. . . i was tempted to get it being that it is normally 80 dollars but on sale for 48. I love this print, but they are retiring it. I resisted the urge and didn't get it, but isn't lovely. It is a large duffel bag, and a beautiful one. . .
It is going on my christmas list. I am such a vera junkie.

Home

It feels good to be home.

This weekend was wonderful. Watching gail carry the jealy monkey to five houses in her neighborhood as we trick and treated was wonderful. She is such a proud grandma. We also got to see matt and Angie a couple of times and spend some time with lori and trevor. Today, we walked through their house that is being built. It is big and beautiful. . . it is neat to think of all the memories that will be made in that house. . . all the events, conversations, and people that will be imprinted upon that house.

Gail, Jaely and i went to Costco. It was nice to be out shopping with the girls and, of course, jaely did so well- even without a nap. Christmas is already in the air.

Lately, when i have been visiting the east side of the state, i deeply miss my mom. I think of how excited she would get knowing we were visiting with her granddaugher. How we too would go shopping together. . . we could have all even gone shopping together- me, Jaely, gail, and mom. She would have been so very excited to have Jaely come to her house.

i know i have said this before, but i am just so thankful for gail- for having a "mom" still in my life. I just got off the phone with her. I was calling to just tell her that TJ and i forgot to take the garbage out of the room that Jaely was sleeping in. That garbage had a couple of poopy, smelly diapers and we didn't want her to smell a funk a little later. Anyway, we talked for a long time about Jaely, and houses, family, and kids. I am so blessed to still have someone that i can be at ease with and talk about anything.

I am glad to be home. The familiearness of it. How perfect it is for us. The memories that we have created here. The warmth. Dreams of the future. Reminders of our blessings. Jaely rolled around on the lving room floor glad to stretch out- glad to be with her papa. He is making so much time for her, putting school to the side and spending time with his family.

Tonight Jaely was sitting for awhile on the floor on her blanket, her tummy so full and round, her smile so big and wet, and her eyes so bright and expressive. TJ and i just teared up. She is ours. She is in our house melting our hearts, making us laugh, wonder, and worry. This little girl changes before our eyes. Her face lights up when she hears my voice or sees her dad enter the room. There really is nothing that feels better. I am glad we got to share her incredibleness with others this weekend. It just isn't right to keep her to ourselves.