Fathers

I have been so blessed to have my dad in my life. I know he loves me beyond words. He gives advice, but only when asked. He is intelligent, hilarious, gentle, compassionate, and so incredibly thoughtful. Because i didn't see him on a daily basis growing up, i think our relationship during my teen years may have been somewhat strained. (ha! what relationship during the teen years isn't strained?!) Neither one of us are huge talkers on the phone, but as i got older and understood this and understood him, our relationship has really grown. When i think that his own dad didn't say the words "I love you", yet i hear that from my dad all the time, i consider myself very blessed. I know he loves me. That i will never doubt. I have loved seeing him as a grandpa. He is so thoughtful. . . always thinking of ways to help us enjoy things as a family (camping, bike rides, playing in our backyard, beach time). He is such a proud grandpa and as i type that i also know how very proud he is of me.

I put one of my hair ties in my dad's hair ages ago.

Three years ago, another dad entered my life, my husband became a dad for the first time. I have witnessed an incredible transformation, one that i cannot put into words. His patience amazes me (and at times, i must admit, surprises me). The way he laughs with our girls and plays with them brings great joy to my heart. He does so much for Camryn and Jaelynne and loves them deeply. Seeing TJ as a papa is an amazing thing to witness. I love him more and more because of it. I get a smile thinking of our girls growing up with a papa that is an amazing role model of how to respect and love women and how to be partners in life (with household chores, money, and decisions). I really should be sleeping, so this is not the best attempt at putting all this into words. :)

TJ with his girls in November-

Alanis says it best in her song Princes Familiar-

Papa love your princess so that she will find loving princes familiar
Papa cry for your princess so that she will find gentle princes familiar
Papa listen to your princess so that she will find attentive princes familiar
Papa hear your princess so that she will find curious princes familiar
Papa laugh with your princess so that she will find funny princes familiar
Papa respect your princess so that she will find respectful princes familiar

My Perfect Birthday

After i got home from a short trip to school, i ate leftover cheesy potatoes and southern baked beans and then i headed out to the garden. I weeded, cut things back, sat in my swing, and pondered how to spend some birthday money. . . a hammock? A Pandora charm? A pair of Keen sandals? A free standing vine trellis?

Soon, the creeping Jenny will be covered with yellow flowers. The first couple popped open but there are thousands more to pop soon.



This place makes me oh so happy! I just love it!
When Jaely and Cami got home, Jaely made a cake with TJ. It was a texas sheet cake and it was delicious! It was made with a ton of love (and patience). TJ is such a patient papa.


Jaely sings me Happy Birthday.


Pure excitement on Jaelynne's face as the batter is poured into the pan.


My man also made me pasta a la caprese for dinner. Yummy!

Then Jaely brought me my gift. TJ was worried about frosting the cake, making out my card and wrapping my present. I told him not to wrap it since i would be tearing it off in mere minutes, so Jaely delivered my present.

(disclaimer- i do have shorts on. . . they just happen to be the exact color of my skin. . .creepy!)

I got a new Vera school bag!! My old one is falling apart! I also got a Life is Good mug for home for my chai latte.
Jaely said "Bye. I go to school now."






What a perfect day thanks to TJ and my two girls. I also got a number of cards, texts, calls, a delivery, and facebook wishes that kept me smiling all day!

Dirt

I smell like dirt. I have it under my nails, down my shirt and in my bra. But I am happy. I hate bugs and worms, but when I see them when I am gardening, it doesn't bother me. I am in their territory. They do such good for my plant friends. I didn't have much time to spend outside. The weather is just not cooperating with my schedule. I could spend hours out their dividing and weeding and cutting back, but instead I get small snippets of time out there. I weed in random spots as I listen to the baby monitor, waiting for my baby girl to wake up. Today, I rushed around as I listened to the thunder roll in. I got the rest of the annuals planted and cut the creeping jenny way back. It is growing like crazy, getting ready to invade my peony. Doesn't it know I treasure that Peony and will kill it if it comes within a foot of my peony. Obviously not. Pictures will come soon enough. If I could just stop the weeds and baby maple trees. . .

Ugh.

Camryn has a little cold. I rarely have to snuggle her to sleep, but tonight she needed a little help getting to sleep because she was congested. I stared at her and sang her "You are My Sunshine" and i thought that my friend, Kathleen, had once a long time ago did this to her then 6 month Greta. I am sure she looked into her baby's face and wondered what the future would hold and dreamed of everything her daughter would grow up to be. Greta was healthy at one point. I am sure she never imagined while looking into the eyes of her 6 month old that her daughter would get so sick with Leukemia at such a young age and for such a long time.

I just keep tearing up today, especially when i am carrying Cami and we were cheek to cheek. My heart is so heavy as my friend's daughter fights for her life as a second grader. I don't know many details. Those will come later. I do know that my friend is close to tears at school, that she longs to be with her daughter, but instead she is at work. I know that the docs have to run more tests. I know that Greta got her wish a couple weeks ago- to go to Disney with her family.

I don't know how much longer Greta can fight. She's been fighting for three years. There does not seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. Chemo has destroyed the three tiny bones in her ear. She is deaf in one ear. Chemo kills brain cells every time. Some of the side effects of treatments is other forms of cancer. The snippets i get of Greta holding onto her mom for dear life as the doctors have to rip her out of her mom's arms, of how no one will insure Greta when she is older, of the constant trips to GR and still trying to keep life as "normal" as possible for Grace, their oldest.

I don't know a lot of details. Kathleen doesn't like to sit and chat about it. I understand. I get it. But i see it on her face. When she needs something to eat, but doesn't have anything, i give her a snack. When she needs a pepsi, i scrounge around for change and get her one. I send her cookies and cards, hugs and prayers. I set yellow daffodils in her room. I feel so helpless. I know she is hurting so much today. She clammed up, held back tears and changed subjects. I don't know many details. I know i will later. She always tells me later, when things have settled down a bit, but i never get the full story. How can i? There would be so much pain in it, so much anger and sadness. So much doubt and guilt. In just one moment, so much can change. Greta was tired. . .. really, really tired so they took her to the doctors. Cancer. A three year struggle and for how much longer?

I am not making much sense, but if you are reading this please pray for a little girl named Greta who had red curly hair and likes to laugh. Pray her for parents, Kathleen and Rich and for their marriage. Pray for her bigger sister, Grace. Please pray.

More gardening

I took this at night time as i was finishing up planting some flowers. It almost glowed.My peony is about to burst open. My mom would have loved to share and compare flowers. This peony was given to my by a friend. It isn't the kind that my mom once had (i wonder what it looks like now) but i do love it. And it seems really happy.
These little gnomes live in my garden. Whenever Jaelynne spots one she calls it santa claus. I move them around on her every now and then. They hide and aren't obnoxious (like some gnomes can be).

The new kid on the block- my solar powered glow in the dark lantern carrying fairy that i got from my dad. She is beautiful and the perfect size for her new home. Jaely hasn't met her yet. Darkness is just coming and you can tell her lantern has a little glow to it.

This is such a steep hill and it holds our air conditioner. I love what the sweet woodriff has done to it. There is some snow on the mountain at the bottom, too
The bottom garden is starting to look like a garden again after the flood two years ago. Things are planted. The shasta daisies and black-eye susan survived, although the black-eyed susan comes up all black and shriveled. I bought a healthy one to try to encourage the rest. :) There are also two coneflowers, dianthus, and two different kinds of bellflower (blue clips & another one). We also planted blanket flower for the first time ever because it was on super clearance, so i thought we should give it a try.

One of these things in this picture might be a weed. I don't remember so i am watching it carefully. It is huge and green and healthy. . . so it is probably a weed because it is in the lower garden.
I planted four columbine last night. They are flowers that definitely remind me of my mom. These ones are purple and white. They just always look so happy.

A new plant for the rock garden. A form of bellflower. I love the color.

Gardening

Things have changed a bit since i i took these pictures, but they were uploaded and just waiting for words. So, here they are. The shade garden is looking awesome with our two huge bleeding hearts, wild ginger, Solomon's seal, jacob's ladder, sweet woodriff, hostas and ferns.




The back garden is getting there. I am really hoping the mulch helps me with the weeds. I have a lot of planting to do. I spent my gift card from Weesies. . . with great joy, i might add.


Just waiting to me planted. . .