"Hope is the Thing with Feathers. . . "

-Emily Dickinson
It is hard for me to remain unbiased. I sure feel pregnant, but the feelings have more to do with all my shots than with the actual hormones that being pregnant releases. I even look pregnant. . . my ovaries are over stimulated by all the shots and grew huge follicles that are pushing my tummy way out. The pressure and bloattiness is even giving me heart burn. I actually feel like i am waddling and none of my clothes are fitting and i am uncomfortable. Bending down has become an obstacle. But again, i have to remind myself that that is the result of a month of shots. If i am pregnant, i won't feel it for quite some time. I won't know for awhile either.

Of course i am hopeful. . . over hopeful? Perhaps. Since this was the second round and Jaely was created on the second round, i am hopeful. Since i had four follicles that were ready to drop an egg and i had three waiting in the shadows that were so close to being mature that the nurse wanted to give me my trigger shot right there in the office, i am hopeful. Scared to death of multiples (and a wee bit excited), but hopeful.

If my optimism guides me down a path that turns out to be incorrect, i will be devastated. . . just be warned. I want this time to work. I want to have a baby before Jaelynne gets too old. . . before i get too old. I don't want to face all the shots and appointments again- for awhile anyways. We are ready (ready as can be, anyways). Honestly, it does scare us to add a human to the mix of our chaos, financial situation, and exhaustion, but at the same time, it just seems right.

I won't know for awhile, which means you won't know for even longer. But, please pray. . . if you are the praying type. And if my optimism is leading me incorrectly, pray for my response and reaction. I will need it.

Our Home

There is just something about it. I know it isn't the largest square feet, or filled with the nicest granite, or has space for a buffet in the dining room, but there is just something about our home that i just love. I love how warm it feels, especially during this season. I love how filled with love it is. . . how full of laughter and giggling it can be and then how silent and peaceful it can be. I love the hand smudges on the beveled glass of the front door, the old wooden rocker sitting by the tree, our dinning room table, the height marks on the white wall from Jaely when she was one year and a year and a half, the beautiful appliances that make our lives easier, the tile in the laundry room that has tiny pink boots drying on them, the pictures hanging on the walls that are proof that my memories are true, the lighted swoops on our wonderful front porch, our peaceful & uncluttered bedroom with our soft, cozy bed, and the ever changing rooms in our house that transform themselves based on our needs (white room with my old furniture from childhood, red office, red guest room, nursery equipped with newborn things, and Jaely's big girl room).

I love our home. I enjoy being in it. I am able to relax in it. I love pulling into the driveway and kissing my husband and hearing my daughter squeal with delight. I love watching TJ cook in the kitchen, jaely eat bubbles in the bathtub, Abby sleep on the back of our overstuffed chair, the Christmas tree aglow, and the village seemingly bustling with activity.

I am so thankful for the love and the warmth that fills our home.
Jaelynne's first Christmas ornament from my dad.
I love hanging these two red sleds together. . . check out the dates on them.
Jaelynne's first moose ornament from last year.
Our first Christmas together. . . this is our engagement picture

This year's solution for a lack of fireplace. . . someday we will have one in our basement. My village that brings me so much joy and peace. . . it just makes me feel cozy.

A Santa i can remember for as long as i can remember Christmases. My mom made it. I admit it is a little frightening and a little yellowed (he was a smoker at one point in his life), but i love him just the same.

My Swedish Angel that belonged to my grannaJaelynne's Room- a little sparse, but we are getting there.

When Jaelynne found this owl up above her door, she giggled and pointed and talked to him.
Her tree that i slapped up way too fast. . .
I found this at Hobby Lobby. . . i am in great need of tacks. . . i know i have some somewhere.
Every night when i pick jaely up off of her changing table, she points to the letters of her name on the wall. The first time it wasn't there she was so confused. They now hang above her bed (you can hardly see them in this picture).