Thoughts on Christmas

I finally transferred the pictures from the camera to my computer and it made me realize i had not yet blogged about Christmas. Christmas was wonderfully relaxing and peaceful. I don't really have much else to say about it. It was wonderful seeing family and being able to chat with everyone. Mom was deeply missed and i missed seeing Jason, too. I wore my pajama pants more than i wanted and ate more delicious cookies than i needed. Jered and Jason both made me cry with their Christmas gifts to me and Lori and Gail both made me laugh till i cried. Grandma Howell said she "became overcome" and learned that when my dad was little, granna got so mad at him for saying "farting around." I guess that is why granna says she is "leaving winders" instead of the f-word.

A post from Gail's

Friday was a crazy, exciting day. TJ and i worked till the wee hours of the morning. For like six hours more i worked on a christmas gift, while TJ made cookies. I would take a break, unfold my legs and wash dishes or drop cookies onto a cookie sheet. At night, we both took a break to eat a nice Christmas dinner (steak, rice and peas), eat some cookies and open presents! TJ got me a wonderfully warm, beautiful North Face jacket, a red fleece jacket, a fleece pull over, Life is Good pjs, Life is good t-shirt and sweatshirt, a skirt that i had been eyeing and two long sleeve v-ncek t-shirts. I also got my matching vera wallet. It was so much fun to open everything.

I hid most of TJ's gift in my closet. He opened the little box that had all the parts and a DVD explaining his new Leigh dovetail jig. He was speechless when he opened it. In his overflowing stocking i got him season one of the Office, a car talk calendar, i-tunes gift card, and candy.

We played with our new stuff for a few minutes, then it was back to work on the homemade chex mix and packing up the various tins for family and friends. Then TJ cleaned the kitchen.

We arrived at Gail's yesterday after making some stops in Grand Rapids. I am looking forward to Christmas, although it doesn't feel like Christmas yet. Everyone is sleeping here, so i thought i would blog and wish everyone a very merry Christmas!

Ahhh, vacation

My muscles in the back of my neck are finally starting to relax. I had a scalp massage and shoulder massage today when i went to get my hair cut. With short hair, i can see that i am going to need to get my hair cut much more often. I still like it better than my long hair, though.

There is a little package under the tree for me. It has a beautiful bow made out of sparkly snowflake ribbon. There are also quite a few other gifts under there for me. I cannot wait to have tj open his gifts. We are trying to hold out until tomorrow. We are going to have a nice dinner and then do our Christmas celebration.

TJ is hard at work making cookies, while i am finishing up making a Christmas present that i cannot mention on here. Poor TJ. As a break, i wash some dishes so he can move on to another batch. Later i will start to help by dropping the dough, but i am so pressed for time too. I really want to have the house completely cleaned before we go out of town. I also need to do my toe nails. . . i thought about spending some of my earned "loopies by Lindsey" money to get a pedicure at the salon today, but i just couldn't let myself do it. It seemed so frivolous. I also have so much school work to do, but i am not thinking about that until after the holiday. I took a nap today. Our bodies are still trying to catch up on sleep and relaxation. Thanks to my brother Jason and his soon to be wife Whitney, TJ stayed up until 3:00 playing a video game they had given him for Christmas. He said it was so addicting. He didn't know how late it was until infomercials started appearing on the TV. Thanks guys!

I have always had an extreme dislike for Berber carpet. I hated it even before my mom carpeted the whole house with it when i was in high school. I hate the colors it comes in. I hate how some of it has the embossed design in it. I hate how industrial it looks. I hate the name of it. . . Berber. What kind of name is that, anyways? I finally found someone that has the same dislike for it. My friend is putting new carpet in her basement, and as she was telling me about her options, she said that Berber was not one of them because she hates it. Her mom also put it in the main level of her house. The joy in sharing a common hatred is so satisfying! Down with Berber!

Well, my break is over. I must get back to creating. At least i am getting some movie watching in while i do it! These last two days I have already watched A Christmas Story, National Lampoons Christmas, Meet the Faukers, Talladega Nights, and i am currently watching Spaceballs.

As if i don't have enough to do.

Being a teacher is crazy, especially this time of year. Not only do you have your typical Christmas stuff to do at home for your family, you also have to do it for your classroom and your "family" there. Yes, i had to decorate my classroom. I have to wrap 24 books tonight, after of course i write a special little message in their books. I have to laminate the cover of their books that they illustrated and are giving someone for Christmas. I have to cut out their covers and bind all the pages together. I have to prepare for their other present, a glass ornament that they paint/write on and then fill with gaudy, sparkley things. Also, the semester is coming to an end, so i need to keep teaching and assessing. YIKES! Then, i get to take all the crap down in my room, write thank you notes to gobs of students for the weirdest presents. Okay, there is more, but i am freaking myself out.

On another, less stressful note, i watched the interaction of two of the cutest babies last night. Noah and Maya sat (wobbled) across from each other with feet almost touching. Noah was mesmerized by Maya's sprouting pig tails and kept trying to grab them, and Maya really liked Noah's squishy feet. It was so cute to watch their expression and their curiosity change and unfold. I wonder what was going through their minds. Kids are truly great entertainment. We all sat around and stared.

TJ and i had another talk about what we think our options are. I say "think" because my appointment isn't until the 28th and then i still need to make an appointment with the specialist in Grand Rapids after i get referred. Before we even started trying to get pregnant, TJ and i discussed adoption. We knew it was something that we wanted to do, but we always assumed it would be after we had a baby. Now, i am not so sure. I have always been so curious what kind of child the combination of our genes would make. Would i be content with not knowing? TJ said he thinks he would rather adopt than go through IVF, but he totally understands my reasoning for wanting to do IVF. I guess i am still not sure. I need to wait until i have all the information. . . maybe until they find out what is wrong with my body, and until we know all of our options. I know there is a little baby somewhere, sometime that will one day be ours. Keep praying!

Anticipation

I cannot wait for TJ to open this present. It is specially wrapped in already-used snowflake paper that my mom once wrapped one of our many snowflake themed gifts in. She suggested i keep the paper because it was so nice and so thick and i could use it when i added to our snowflake theme by giving a snowflake gift to TJ. There is nothing in it that will add to our snowflake theme (sorry mom), but TJ will like it i think. The paper smells of cigarette smoke, but I love how there is a hint of sparkle as it sits under the tree waiting to be opened. I love this time of year.

I don't get to work at 7 so i can blog, but. . .

I have a lot going through my mind. On my way to work, i was thinking of all that has happened and all the i have accomplished since my mom has passed away. It is weird for me to think that she was not around to see me get my first teaching job, buy our first house, buy our first car, struggle with gettting pregnant. She was so emotional (i wonder where i got that from) that she would have been crazy excited or depressingly sad. I feel like some times in my life are not as crazy exciting because she is not around or they are more depressingly sad because she is not around. When will i just stop wondering what it would be like?

Some people say to me, "don't you think your mom still sees all of your accomplishments and all of your pain?" I am never sure how to reply. Is it really biblical that people watch from above or is that something we have come to think to bring us some sort of false comfort about death and the after life. Sometimes, i think i can feel her hug me and i can feel her pride in me. More importantly than her "looking down on me" is that i know she is a part of me. Part of who i am today is pieces of her weaved throughout me. So, i guess i know what her reactions would be because they are mine.

Now, i feel like i can get some work done. . .

Jered

Today is my oldest brother's birthday. I was driving home from work remembering good memories. . .
I remember when:

• I was little and throwing up and he held my hair back.
• I fell and hit my head on the corner of the coffee table that was brown, had spindles and orange velvet and jered hugged and rocked me while i cried.
  
• he was an "ass" in Midsummers Nights Dream. . . played the part very well, too!
• he would set up his lego creations on the entertainment center. I can still hear the constant digging sound of legos
  
• I would go to his cross country meets and watch him run.
• he brought me my first Chai Latte.
• my mom and i went to The Brandywine right after he got the job and he was our waiter.
• he had braces, glasses, and pegged pants. Dork!
  
• he lost his contacts in the snow.
• he promised not to tell that i was having a skating party downstairs if i gave him a two liter of pop.
• he skipped school and forged dad's name.
• he came and rescued me by replacing my blown out tire with my spare.
• he was cooking tomato sauce and smeared it all over his face.
• he and jason beat me in monopoly every time we played it.
• he let his friends park on the lawn and i got so upset.
• his Audi rolled back, went across the street and came to a stop in the bushes.
• he put my Barbies in the microwave, after he made them look like prostitutes. (i was getting rid of them)
• he cut my long, long pigtail off at the hair holder because he was playing barber.
• he gave me a Precious Moments figurine.
• i got to watch him at perform at improve.
• he would cook yummy mashed potatoes and other things in the kitchen with mom.
• he and jason would be giggling late at night as they talked from their bunk beds.
• he told me he got hit on his bike by a car. . . and i laughed.
  
• he would sing/hum jazz during his showers loud enough so you could hear him in the living room
  
• he wrote a persuasive letter to mom convincing her to give him his car back. it worked.
• listening to him play the trombone.
• he still sticks his tongue in his cheek when he is concentrating.
• he had and afro.
• dad asked him where the bathrooms were in a restaurant and jered gave him directions into the kitchen!

Jered certainly knows how to push my buttons. I used to yell at him to shut up and he would calmly say, "But Lindsey, i am not the one yelling." It used to drive me crazy. Jered is a sensitive, intelligent, hilarious brother who is laid back and has common sense (both of which i had more of). I am so lucky to have him for a brother. Happy Birthday, Jered. I love you!

Bosses

Last week, my principal came in to ask if it would be alright if all seven administrators came into my room to do a "walk through." He said the administrators were being trained in getting useful observations by walk throughs. He assured me they would be in two groups and that each group would be in my room for about five minutes. I said sure. For some reason, i don't freak out at these things and i think he knew that. I feel like i can almost back up anything i am doing in my classroom, if asked about. You can always do things differently, but not necessarily better. Anyway, in they came today. My kids were finishing up breakfast in the room and were getting ready to switch for centers. The other group came when we were setting up our graphic organizer for Fables. My kids were funny. They were coming up to me and asking what all those people were doing in our classroom. I always just ignore administrators when they come in, unless they approach me, but this was a lot of big people at once. My curriculum administrator said that they had wonderful things to say about me and my classroom and they were wondering who i was. I was shocked that the superintendent knew my first name. . . i am sure he just was told it before coming into my room.

Tomorrow, i have a sub because i am working on curriculum with other teachers. After school, as i was getting ready for a sub, another teacher came in to my room. She had some questions for me. She has been trying to get pregnant and has gone to see the Dr. that i go to. She was put on glucophage and was scheduled for an HSG. I warned her about the HSG and we told stories about taking our temperature every morning, about the word "coitus", and about woman's bodies. It was really good to talk to her. The Dr is moving much quicker with her than she did with me. Maybe because she knows what is wrong with her. It was a good talk. She asked good questions, wanted to know about me, and could relate. The doctor knows what is wrong with her though. With me. . . no clue. I have decided not to be very aggressive right now. I need a break from it consuming my mind. The Femera didn't work. I don't know what to do next. I should call, but i don't feel like messing with it. I am sure i would have to start taking hormones again and start all over. Tired. I am going to wait for my December 28th appointment and probably ask to be referred to the place in GR.

This weekend, i don't want to do anything school related. My grad class is done, so i don't have work to do for that! I don't want to talk about school. I don't want to crack open my bag. i don't want to use markers (unless i am scrapbooking) I want to Christmas shop. I need to bake for the Christmas party. I need new boots. Mine broke when i was out on recess duty. BUT, i have so much school work to do. Oh well. Right now, i am going to go read. If you got to the end of this. . . thanks for reading/listening.

It just keeps coming!

I love this kind of snow. . .the huge, fluffy flakes gently falling and ever so gingerly resting on another flake as it comes to a stop. It is beautiful and refreshing. I was supposed to have a staff meeting after school, but the nice principal called it off due to weather. In Montague it is extremely gusty, but in Twin Lake, it is calm. Calm to the point where each individual branch is accentuated and the snow stays where it lands. I quickly turned on all the Christmas lights and took a moment to reflect. I think it is a good night to settle in with some chinese food and have nothing to do with school work.


On another note- sometimes TJ and i get something for the house for Christmas and then we don't do gifts for each other, only stockings. We get some of our furniture that way. Well, this year we were thinking about getting a digital camera. We have one, but it is HUGE and well, actually it is Muskegon High Schools. We know we are going to want one when we have kids and there are some very good deals out there now. The problem: we don't really need it, yet. We would just take pictures of our cats. Although i would like it for my brothers wedding in May. I can take pictures just fine with what we have. A digital camera might be something i can put on a future baby registry at Target. Well, i think i made up my mind. Thanks for listening. IT always helps to blog. I guess that means i need to go get TJ a Christmas present.


I cannot wait for the end of this week. My good friend Mary from New York is coming to my house. We were friends in high school, in spite of a common friend trying to keep us separated. We lived together in college and have continued to stay close. I can tell her anything. She is an amazing listener and friend. On Saturday i am helping to host our staff Christmas party. Fun.

In the meadow we can build a snowman

Friday: Snow day! I didn't know it until i drove for 45 minutes in terrible conditions to work and was promptly told they had canceled school at 7:40 (five minutes after i left home). I turned around and came back, after i relaxed for five minutes. I then worked on my project for my grad class for 6 hours and finished it up. I also did laundry. At night, i went scrapbooking. I love snow days.

Saturday: Started off our day at the Muskegon library, then went to the Art Museum's festival of trees to hear singing, watch a friend lead her string students in a Christmas concert, saw gingerbread houses, and decorated Christmas trees. Then we went to Hearthstone for some soup. At first we bravely walked the sidewalks of downtown Muskegon to eat at the City Cafe, only to find out it was closed. I said bravely because the sidewalks were a sheet of ice, or not cleared at all. I literally slid part way there. Hummmm, do i see a letter to the editor coming? Then, we went Christmas shopping and i came home and decorated our Christmas tree and the house, as i watched Clue and Love Actually. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.


Sunday: I paid bills, put up the outdoor lights, put up my new (last year's clearance) evergreen lighted moving deer in the front yard, cleaned my fish tank, and maybe i will get to school stuff. I am not in the mood for school.

Fading Hope

As day 18 comes to a close, my hope of my ovary dropping an egg is vanishing. "Maybe next month" i keep telling myself, but deep inside i know it won't happen. Maybe God will surprise me. I kept hoping He would over Thanksgiving Break. It would have been a little inconvenient at the in-laws, but still hoped for. Would it still be a surorise if i hoped for it? According to many sources on the internet, i need to give Femera at least three months before i can say i tried it. . . or was it six months? Either one seems long. If it doesn't work, then i am going to go to a doctor in Grand Rapids to discuss our options. I never thought this would consume my mind. School seems a lot less important right now, as i try to keep my life less stressed.

I made $112.00 today in "Loopies by Lindsey" blanket sales. I am glad i made some yesterday. I sold 6 regular blankets today and one special order one that was a regular crib size blanket with satin ribbon loops all the way around. I came home today, and promptly made two more boy loopies. I still need to make one boy/girl blanket, but had to start correcting papers instead. Not bad money for something i enjoy doing.

Well, i better go back and correct papers. I have class tomorrow night and don't want to get too behind. I cannot wait until Christmas.

Thankfulness

A stream of thankful thoughts in no particular order :
sunsets, my health, my families' health, Jesus Christ, TJ, my dad, my mom, jered, jason, granna, grandma, grandpa & grandpa, ant carol, uncle mike, gail, steve, lori, matt, sarah, sara, mary, kathleen, eeliram, tiffany, karen, david, ang, ryan, kim, rob, andrea, daniel, charity, james, dr. davidson, dr. david, my kitties, our home, our jobs, our cars, the ability to laugh, the Holy Spirit, warm jackets, cheese, chocolate, cheesy potatoes, freedom, money, garbage service, indoor plumbing, crunchy fall leaves, sweet violets, books, TV, movies, popcorn, taste buds, weight loss, computers, photographs, my hairy pancreas, Terry Walker, Matt Klein, John DeBoer, Campus Ministry, my education, mums, fresh snow, snow days, telephones, washer & dryer, quiet nights, saturdays, music, smiles, red, wisdom passed on to me, "my so called life," max lucado, eric carle, donald miller, toe nail polish, mountain dew, chai, chocolate chip cookies, my dad's shrimp salad, gail's taco salad, mom's pot roast, tj's apple pie, red lobster cheddar bay biscuits, peckidills, daisies, lillies, the lake, memories, dreams, long hugs, kisses, furniture, cozy bed, down blankets, electricity, yarn, paper, sewing machine, love, friendship, inhimness, togetherness, solitude, tranquility, giggles that hurt your stomach, echo dr., puzzles, peonies, christmas eve, emotions, creativity, stillness, sleeping in, writing, texas sheet cake, weddings, dancing, photo albums, . . .

I walked out of the southwestern decorated guest room, with such excitement. I walked through the hallway carpeted in beige berber and into the avacodo green and harvest gold kitchen. My mom was preparing a pot roast. With a giant smile on my face, i showed my mom the fertility monitor that finally indicated i was ovulating. She wrapped her arms around me and said "i just had a feeling about this, Lindsey." We held each other for awhile, and broke apart when she said, "i guess you and TJ will be having some fun tonight." We laughed.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. With exciement over flowing in my heart, i promptly did my ovulation test. It was negative. It was a hard day. The dream seemed so real. But it was just that. . . a dream.

This time of year sucks anyway. I miss my mom more than i can put into words. It is intensified when i am trying to get pregnant. . . when i know she would cry with me, laugh with me, encourage me, and challenge me. I want her hug. I want her excitement when i finally do ovulate. I want her pot roast. I want her arms wrapped around me. I even want her nagging. I want to be pregnant.

What little patience i had to begin with is wearing thin. I feel like i am going to explode with anger, with frustration, with sadness, with all of this love and longing. I am trying to be content. Trying to lean on God. I know in the grand scheme of things a year and a half is not long, but when you are in the middle of it. . . it seems looooong. When you are in the middle of it without your best friend, without your mom, it seems like an eternity. When i am in the middle of it with no answers, no reasons why, and full of hormones, it seems unbearable at times.

I feel better just writing about it. I am confident things will work out. I just hope i can make it until then. I feel like i am losing parts of myself. It will all work out.

It just felt right.

This morning, i put up my winter village. IT always seems that if i wait until after Thanksgiving, i get really busy and keep putting it off. So as TJ was being tortured at class, i put up my village. There are two additions from last year. Bare trees that i bought in Chicago and the school that i got for Christmas last year. They look pretty lame on the camera. . . you should come over and see for yourself how cute they look.

Last night . . .

I used my bonus points (and then some).

I scrapbooked with friends until 11:00.

I got 4 pages done.

My ovaries decided NOT to release an egg (day 9).

I made tacos.

I was sore and bruised from falling/playing at school.

I wore sweat pants among friends.

I chatted with friends until about 11:30.

I porduced a large amount of bright yellow snot.

I slept 10 hours!

I ate a brownie with peanut butter chunks.

I saw my husband for 5 minutes before he went to bed.

I found out he got a B- on a project. He is not happy.

I drempt about my mom. She was making me dinner.

I had an enjoyable evening.

Only two and a half days next week, and on Monday i have a sub so that i can work on curriculum crap. The only problem: i don't have planning at all next week, which means i cannot plan for the following week, like i normally do. Hummmmm.

Friday

It is Friday, which explains why i am still at home blogging. It is 7:00, normally i am at school by now woorking away. On Fridays i normally sleep in, but not this morning. This morning i got up at my normal 5:15 time and cleaned. I have friends coming right after school and didn't get home from weight watchers and grocery shopping until 7:30 last night. I baked and made some dips and then tidied up a little then promptly fell asleep.

At weight watchers i was down 4 3/4! I was so excited. I missed last week due to conferences, so that is two weeks worth, but still, i was happy! I am quickly using my bonus points for treat day today at school and then food at my house. Thanksgiving falls into next week, so i don't have to worry about that quite yet.

I don't want to go to school. TJ and i are really struggling. We just (for the first time) don't like our jobs this year. There are days that i just don't feel like going in. I hope this changes. So, this is what it feels like to not be happy with your job. I feel like i am not a good teacher, a good friend or a good wife lately. I am stretched too thin to do anything up to my satisfaction. I have to remind myself that i set very high expectations for myself.

Well, my floor should be dry by now. Time to go make 2 cups (4 points) of chai for my sore throat to take with me to school. Poor TJ has class this weekend. . . he is really unhappy.

Birthdays

It was my dad's birthday yesterday and my grandma's birthday last week. As i thought a lot about them on their birthdays, i realized that i have this shallow, self-centered view of them at times. I Have a hard time picturing them little, anxious to celebrate a birthday with their mom and dad. I can't picture them waking up the morning of their birthday with happy thoughts about what their day will bring. I can't imagine them little. Have i heard enough stories about their childhoods? Have i seen enough pictures? Have i taken the time to listen to their memories before they forget themselves? I know bits and pieces, but not enough. I love them both. I hope they had happy birthdays.

Realxing with Chai

I had a lot of points left over today, so i sipped chai, browsed through a catalog and relaxed. Tomorrow at this time i will still be doing parent/teacher conferences. 8:00 am to 9:00 pm. It is going to be one loooong day, but i will survive. I am glad i took time to relax tonight. TJ is sick. He might be taking tomorrow off. I hope he does, or he will never get better.

My hopes are really getting high for the next try at ovulation. They weren't before when i found out the next step 20 days ago, but now i feel pretty confident. If it doesn't work this first time, i am not giving up on it. I will try it for a few months before moving on to the next step. I am not even sure what the next step is. . . i just know it is scarey. I haven't been so hopeful in a long time. That is a frightening place to be. . . you can be let down so easily. Today, TJ asked me if i was almost done taking my hormones. . .i think i am hard to deal with when i am pumped full of all these hormones. If you are the prayerful type, please pray for my ovaries (if that seems awkward, you can just pray for us!) I have been so honest with God during this. I have begged and pleaded and asked for patience and found patience and asked for patience and found it and begged and asked and praised Him and even sank so low as to bargain with him (which i am sure He found somewhat amusing) Thanks for your prayers. I know there are a lot of people thinking of us, and that makes it so much easier. We are loved.

I am selling blankets. I can't keep up with them again. I have no boy ones at school and i got an order for a normal sized, pink blanket with only satin ribbon. I haven't figured out how much to charge yet, but it is going to be quite a bit. She said to charge her whatever, but it will be hard to figure out a fair amount.

I got observed today. I am such an idiot. . . i told the art teacher a couple of weeks ago that i could change my art time on Wednesday, November 8th. She asked and i never have anything going on at noon. Well, of course, i did have something going on. My principal was coming to watch me teach, not to watch me take my kids to art. So, because i wasn't at school yesterday, i did not get her reminder. To make a long story short, i am an idiot. My flexible principal came at 1:00 instead. Great start to an observation, huh?

Well, now that i rambled i feel very relaxed and ready to lay down on the couch to watch TV as i fall asleep. I hope i survive tomorrow. I have some tricky conferences with some crazy parents. Good night.

Accomplishment Breeds Happiness

I successfully (if i do say so myself) created a huge power point about empirical research on students performance of writing argumentative responses to multiple sources as opposed to narratives using a textbook for a source. BORING, i know, but finished.

I finished my paper on the same article for the same class. It is not due until 11/14, but i have a HUGE project due 12/6 for that class that i need to get busy on

Montague won in football

Muskegon won in football

Laundry is almost done

My reading and written response is done for my class on Tuesday

I made weight watchers potato soup. i love it and it is easy.

i blogged. . .

I hope tomorrow i feel just as accomplished. I need to clean and work on report cards. Tonight i am going to see a play at Muskegon high. It starts at 7:00. . . you are welcome to come with.

Weight watchers

I cannot get back in the swing of things with my weight. I was doing so well, and then chicago and then a bunch of other excuses. It is all or nothing for me. I sit here at work, eating skittles that a student got for me. I need to leave for weight watchers in 5 minutes and i don't want to. I know i am up. . . a lot for the week and i was up a pound last week. I didn't bring my "light" shoes, instead i am wearing boots with a 4 inch heel. I could go and weigh a lot and then go next week having lost a lot. OR i could stay in denial. Huh? Writing this has made up my mind. Bye.

Good night

I am getting ready for bed and needed to sit down and unwind a little by writing some random thoughts. I just got off the phone with my dad. It was so wonderful to hear his chuckle (even though it was accompanied by a cough). When i said that he doesn't sound well, he said he sounds fine, until he laughs. I enjoy the fact that there is no awkwardness with him. It makes my heart happy when we are both laughing at the same time and then stop at the same time to start the conversation back up. I love my family. I love the whole idea of family. . . that a group of people so different are all connected deeply. I would do anything for my family. I am trying not to have "should'ves" or "i wishes" pop into my head, but they are there. I wish we lived closer. I should call them more. . . etc. My dad made my heart smile because after telling him i needed to get ready for bed and i would see him soon, i hung up the phone. It rang a minute later. He just wanted to make sure that he told me he loved me because he was interrupted by a cough earlier. To be told that you are loved has to be one of the best feelings. . . especially by a man that wasn't told that by his dad growing up. I am loved. I am loved by so many. It feels so good.

Another random thought, perhaps not as deep. I have never had to "style" my hair before. I am liking my new haircut becuase i just blow dry it. . . however, then i want it to stay "poofy" so i need to hairspray it. I need your help. I need it in a big way. What do you do to prevent the nasty, scratchy, sticky film of crusty residue all over the counter and floor? I don't know what is worse, long hair scattered every where or crusty spray making itself at home on my counter. Any suggestions?

Good night. Thanks for loving me :)

The girls

I am kind of emotional right now, as i sit down to write this. I am overwhelmingly thankful, hopefully refreshed, and somewhat sorrowful. gail and Lori came to visit this weekend. I didn't realize how much i needed time with them, how my spirit needed to be refreshed by them, how my being needed to laugh until i hurt, how i longed to listen to them and how i longed to be heard. I am sad this morning for many reasons. I know that even though that time together was much needed for everyone, it will be a long time before we have it again. That makes me sad. I am sad because even though we don't live vast distances apart, it is enough to hinder our visiting. BUT, i am overwhelmingly thankful, too. I am thankful for their love and friendship. I am thankful for their sincere hearts, their hilarious facial expressions, the sound of their laughter, their stories and their encouragement. I cannot even begin to express how thankful i am that God put those two women in my life

This weekend, we ate. We shopped. We ate. We shared. We watched The Breakup. We talked. We ate. We laughed. I cooked! We hugged. We said goodbye. It is sad how we don't often enough take a break from men and our busy lives to have deep, sincere, meaningful conversations and to nurture our relationships. We need to do that more often. . . even if it is on the phone.

Before the girl headed out, i asked TJ to take our picture. As we posed, Lori started tickling gail's knee, so then i started. We were laughing so hard, we had tears in our eyes. Luckily, TJ captured this moment. gail actually went down on her knees so we could no longer tickle them.

Before and After

It hasn't been this short since my brother played barber with my hair when i was little. I went drastic so i could donate it to locks of love. I feel 10 pounds lighter.

Trying new things and having fun doing it!

See what i mean about the star shaped tooth pillow? It looks like the arms are different sizes in the picture. They are not, but i am not happy with the thickness of them. My moon doesn't really look like a moon on the pocket, either. Oh well, i tried something new and now i think i know how to make it better. I am most happy with my crazy pillow. I tried to make the ribbons on the front random. . .and the squares random. It is harder to be random than i thought it was.

I got out of class a little early tonight. Hooray!

What is my deal?

I get home from school after a staff meeting, and i have such good intentions on getting caught up with papers. I didn't touch them. I did manage to make myself write up my fall festival letter, but that is about it. Instead, i sewed my little heart out. Yesterday i finished a very cute loopie pillow. It has loops of ribbon sticking out around the edge and from the front of the pillow. I used my scraps from all the blankets i have made to make it out of squares. It is small, like the size i have seen in stores. It is more for play, than to lay on. Tonight, i tried to make a tooth pillow, which was suggested by a friend of mine after she saw one in the store for $40.00. This was not so successful. . . well, i guess i shoudln't say that. Now, i know what to do differently. I wanted it to be star shaped, so i made a tracer for my fabric by hand. Next time i need to make the arms and legs of the star more stocky and rounded. . . i thought i did, but once i sew in on each edge, it turns out to be lanky and spindly. Now i know. I made the star out of blue bumpy fleece, with a green bumpy fleece pocket that has a furry fleece yellow moon on it. Out of each arm tip is a ribbon (one is very crooked) I think i will bring it into work, to hear their suggestions. As long as they understand it is a trial one, i will be fine. In fact, once i saw how ridiculous it looked, i didn't take a lot of time to sew the closing shut after i stuffed it. Maybe i will post pictures later. . . instead of doing school work. I have class tomorrow and do you think i did my reading? What has gotten into me. No wonder i feel so behind this year. . . i am!

On another note, i talked to my brother Jason today. It was good to hear his voice and hear all the exciting plans for his upcoming wedding in May. It sounds like it is going to be a beautiful, small wedding. I think he said the place only holds 70, so no cousins or random people or great once removed hairdressers. I'm sure for some, that is a relief that they don't have to travel across the U.S., for others. . . they will just have to deal with it! I am sure they will understand. It sounds so nice. It reminds me of the toast that Jason gave at my wedding. Stinkin' hilarious!

Well, i am off to bed. Goodnight.

WHAT??!!

So, my doctor's office LOST my chart. . .it is so unbelievably frustrating. I am so ready to switch doctors, but the thought of repeating tests and starting over seems overwhelming. Then again, i feel like i am starting over every appointment i go to. My ultrasound came back normal as can be. . . lining good, no masses, everything is fine. That was the message i got. No next step. No promised prescriptions called into walgreens. No chatting with a knowledgeable person. Just Carol. . . a perky nurse who knows nothing about me or about medicine. Tomorrow the drama continues. Hoepefully, they found my chart and i can talk to the doctor and get some questions answered.

On a happier note, on my way home from class in G.R. tonight, i blasted two of my new CDs. . . Wicked and Pursue Me. Both are awesome. And since i have seen both "performed" it made it even better.

Promised Pictures

TJ with a Lego man


Me with a Lego lady

oops, i forgot to turn some pictures around. . . sorry



Notice the price for this warm bottle of water!
















Our beautiful Hotel