I hope we have a white christmas!!

TJ is making Mahogany Beef Stew in a red wine and hoisin sauce and mashed potatoes with horseradish . . . one of my favorites. We are enjoying our family's Christmas today. . . the three of us this year. We will open stockings and rip open our presents for each other. Jaely will then go to bed and TJ and i will enjoy our delicious dinner together as the snow continues to fall. I wish i could say that we would then snuggle up and relax to a good movie, but that is not the case. TJ needs to shovel the driveway so we can leave in the morning and i need to pack for myslef and a baby for a five day adventure. We both have a ton to do before we can leave here in the morning. It will all get done, but there isn't really anything relaxing about it. I will relax during dinner, though, that is for sure.

This is our back deck. . . this is not a drift, it is the actual amount of snow we have. . . good ol' lake effect. Almost reaches the top of the railing!


Last year at this time i was pregnant and we had a tree sitting on both of our cars. This year sure is different!

Lindsey Got a Snow Day Too!

At first i was kind of bummed that this day was turning out to be just like any other day that TJ has to work, but it turned out to be a little different and by evening it was very different. Normally i make dinner and clean up so that TJ can have some jaely time or take a nap or do whatever. Tonight we had breakfast for dinner. We ate egg, sausage/bacon, cheese biscuit sandwich things with hashbrowns. TJ helped me make it, but the best part was that after putting jaely to bed he cleaned up. He didn't just tidy up until it looked decent to him, he looked at and cleaned the kitchen through Lindsey eyes. He said i should go downstairs and scrapbook (something i have been wanting to do for a long time). So i did for an hour and when i came up the kitchen was sparkling. Spattered bacon grease was cleaned up, the garbage was emptied and a new bag was in the trash can, the dishwasher was running, and the counters were spotless. What an awesome end to a wonderful snow day. Thanks TJ. . . you sure know how to make your girl smile!

Tomorrow we have a day outing prepared. . . shopping in holland, Grand Haven or Grand Rapids. Sunday we are going to church (finally), buying cookie ingrdiants, and going to a dinner party. Monday we are making a TON of cookies, and Tuesday we are celebrating our family Chirstmas at our house before we head to gail's on wednesday. We have some busy days coming up. . . they definetly won't feel like normal days, which is totally what i need right now.

TJ is our shoveling again so we can get out of the driveway tomorrow. Poor guy.

Curves in Colon Closed

Apparently in the town of Colon there is a Curves that is closed today, but every time i see that message run across the bottom of the TV screen, i can't help but giggle. I didn't know my colon had curves. . . is it supposed to?

Anyway, great delight is abound in our home. TJ has a snow day, and although i am not teaching, i feel like i have a snow day too. I have an extra day to spend with my hubby, i have two extra hands to help and to play with jaely, and i have a husband who is not so sleep deprived. Life is good.

There is a lot of snow. Police are asking that we stay inside as some roads are currently "impassible." TJ is shoveling the driveway. . . ya, every season has something he must attend to that is making it difficult to work on the built-in. Someday. Did i mention that we have a john deere snowblower in our garage? Let's not talk about it. . .

We looked at our cookie recipes to see what we need to purchase at the store. Christmas is less than a week away and my excitement is growing.

It is becoming evident that TJ and i need to find ourselves a babysitter. It hasn't been such a big deal, but lately we have had to pass up some opportunities for some outings with adults because of it. Some girls from work offered if TJ and i just want to get a bite to eat, but i am afraid we need more than just that and if it is a work function- like our Christmas party- that won't work. As of now, gail has been more than gracious to watch jaely so that TJ and i can get out together, but she is also on the other side of the stae. We have a dinner this Sunday at 6:30. TJ is still unsure if kids are going to be there. He is going to find out, but with a time of 6:30 i am not so sure. At my staff party, i had to go alone so TJ could stay home with the bug. We got invited to a new year's eve party which we would love to go to, but what do we do with the bug?

Jaelynne's naps have been almost nonexsistan. . . well, i shouldn't say that. She is taking them, but it is taking her FOREVER to fall asleep. She is practicing all her new moves in her crib. I am sometimes tempted to pull her out and start all over again a little later, but i don't want to get into the habit of getting her out of her crib. Yesterday, i think she spent most of her waking hours in her crib. . . that is a sad exsistance for a baby who is learning to do things and is so curious about her world around her. I am currently listening to her cry/play over the monitor. When i go silently into her room to pick her binky up off the floor she is up on her arms rocking back and forth and giggling at me. Arrg.

Crazy

When we returned home yesterday evening, it was 40 degrees. When i woke up this morning, it was 15 degrees. Yikes! All night i listened to the wind howling and slapping the rain, sleet, snow stuff against the windows. I prayed for safety for my family as i thought of the trees moving forcefully from side to side and the rain freezing on their branches making them very brittle.

There was no damage of which i am aware. But it is so ugly outside. I opened jaely's blinds like i do every morning as i say in a too cheery voice "good morning sunshine." There was none to be had. In fact i think by opening the blinds i actually made her room darker. The trees are back to being black, instead of having every branch traced in white. The snow on the ground is a dull wet gray color and the driveway. . . well, lets not talk about the driveway. We barely made it in last night and i don't think things improved during our sleep, so i think i will be staying in today. There is a fresh layer of snow falling gently as i write this, so maybe things will brighten up.

My day is about to brighten up becuase i just finished my cereal, so now it is time to take jaely out of the exersauce and let her scoot all over the living room and kitchen! Bye,

We didn't go to church this morning for the third sunday in a row. We had plans in the afternoon and i really wanted jaely to get at least one good nap. Maybe next week?

My dad drove down and got here around noon. We hung out for a while before heading down together for G.R . to meet aunt carol, uncle mike, and jered for his birthday dinner. It was excellent to see everyone. . . and i get to see them again in just a couple of weeks plus jason and Whitney. Exciting!

Right now Jaelynne is crying in her crib. She napped on the way home from GR and i think it kind of messed up her schedule, but that is all right. It is not like we do it all the time. The girl needs to be flexible and she needs to see her family and she needs to see other people other than her dad and her mom.

TJ is working away on school stuff. One more week until christmas break. Hooray!!

I am still so full from dinner. . .

I am not sure why i wrote this post, but oh well, here it is.

Just like mom's

I made my very first pot roast ever yesterday (yes, in spite of my horrible day). It tasted so good. It tasted just like my mom's did. The potatoes were just a little different-not as mashable. So delicious. Tonight i am making one of her recipes, chicken divan.

Jaely is going on a 2 1/2 hour nap. I balanced the checkbook, paid bills, did dishes, pureed food for jaely, read a chapter of Sex God, watched a recorded episode of Sex and the City, cleaned the kitchen counters, took a shower :), and now i am blogging. She will be such a happy baby when she wakes up. She needed this nap. This morning, she woke up way early and wouldn't go back to sleep, then only took a 45 minute nap.

i know when she wakes up she will have that crusty goodness around her mouth in the shape of her binky. And she will have an imprint of the lap pad seam going across her cheek on to her forehead. I love our girl.

Today is my oldest brother's birthday. I remember when he held my hair back for me when i was throwing up, and when he cradled me after i fell into the corner of the coffee table, and when he changed my tire in GR after i got a flat, and when he gave me a "Happy Batmistva" card for my birthday, and when he gave me two of my mom's favorite recipes framed, and when he made a toast at Jason's wedding stating that he finally has a sister he can be proud of (referring to his new sister-in-law), and when he was the grill master (who burned himself) at the rib cook off at my bridal shower, and how he let me have friends downstairs for a roller skating party if i gave him a 2 liter of the pop i had purchased for the event, and when his car rolled down the driveway on echo- across the street and landing in the bushes inches from a brick house, i remember picking him up and driving across the state after hearing that our mom had passed away, i remember him making me my first chai latte at the restaurant he worked at the day before i got married in an effort to calm me, i remember my mom and i eating at the restaurant and being one of his first costomers (watching a lefty try to fill out an order form in air can be painful), i remember him and my mom cooking in the kitchen together, i remember the constant digging sound of legos, i remember after telling him to "shut up" his calm response of "but i am not the one being loud, lindsey", i remember driving him to the hospital because he was in such pain he could hardly sit, i remember when he came in the house and told my mom that he had lost a contact lense in the snow, i remember going to watch him act in plays and improve. . .

Wow, i could go on and on. Happy Birthday Jered! You are loved.

Frustrating.

We are going on the second winter now where i have not been able to park in the garage. It is strange because from age 15 (when i started to drive) to 25 i never had a garage. I didn't know what i was missing, but now that i do, i am spoiled by one. In spite of what some of the men in my family believe, a garage is for parking cars.

I didn't venture out yesterday because of the heavy snow that was falling from the sky, but i just had to get out today. I put jaely in her exesaucer and attempted to clear my car off. We have about 20 inches of snow. I did decide to wear my big boots out there, but it didn't matter. My jeans were soaked. The arms of my white sweatshirt were wet and blackened by the dirt on my car. As i leaned over my hood to get to the middle of my windshield, by stomach and chest also became covered in snow and dirt. I was out there for a good 10 minutes. There was ice under the snow. I bundled jaely up, put on normal shoes (i can't shop in heavy snow boots) and went out to the car. I try to follow my same footprints, but you know that doesn't really work. I am in snow almost up to my knee. My whole shopping experience was cold, due to wet, cold feet.

On my way home, jaely is crying because she didn't (couldn't) nap. I am on M120 where it is five lanes wide and i step on the brakes to slow down for an upcoming red light. All of a sudden the whole layer of ice and snow that was on my roof slides down and lands on my windshield. It is too heavy for my wipers. I cannot see a thing. People are hoking, Jaely is crying, and i am panicking. it takes me a few seconds to figure out where my window switch is (it is in the middle of the counsel). I roll it down, take my arm and try to remove some of the snow so that my wipers can work. The snow lands in my car, on my lap, all over my dashboard, hand and arm. Now both jaely and i are crying. Huge clumps of snow are literally sitting on my lap. At least i didn't get in an accident.

When we get home, i take her inside. I take my shoes off so i don't track wet snow all through the house. I get my wet jeans off and put Jaely down for a nap. I don't dare go back out to my car to get my things. I am not in the mood to get wet feet and legs all over again.

I want the garage back.

I know TJ is very busy. . . I am not blaming him. I just want the garage back.

It just keeps falling

The snow won't stop and although it is absolutely beautiful to watch, i know it means a lot of work for TJ. He has already spent a morning shoveling and i am afraid there is much more to shovel. It has also kept me inside all day. I had plans of going out today, but thinking of bundling jaely up, pushing the stroller through slush, and clearing off my car has changed my plans. Instead, i made jaely some more food (peaches and mango), made chili for dinner tonight, and finished up laundry. Perfect things to do on a chilly day.

Jaely was so much fun today. She finally got enough sleep, so she wasn't whiny. She was giggly and curiously exploring the living room. She is scooting around pretty well now. . . almost an army crawl, but not quite.

Christmas shopping is almost finished. I have one more gift to buy and then stuff for TJ's stocking. The tree is up. I do need to get the outdoor lights hung and the reindeer put up, but other than that we are set. I love having the Christmastree lit up in the evening. I catch myself just staring at it.

I need to make more loopies, so i better get going before jaely's nap is over.

Facebook

Well, some of my friends have vanished from blogger land and rely solely on facebook to satisfy their needs. So. . . i had to join facebook. I will DEFINITELY continue to blog. I like to blog and actually write. While facebook is good for making connections, that seems about it. . . although i realize i do not know all that it is capable of doing. I do know that i do not like the "Lindsey is. . . "

We are at gail's house. TJ is at a conference in Dearborn. I am glad that Jaely gets to see her relatives.


Lindsey is off to take a shower while jaely is napping.

Awake

I am still awake and going strong. TJ is in TC and i decided to get all the Christmas stuff up. I just finished with the tree. The only thing i have left are the porch lights and norbert the Reindeer. I don't remember how damaged he was from the tree falling last year. It seems to me TJ was able to bend him back.

I think i did alright with the going to bed routine. Jaely is tucked soundly into her crib and i haven't heard a peep. I realize that could change at any moment, but i am glad she has slept well thus far.

Right now, i am eating some of my husband's ice cream- ben and jerry's phish food. Yum, marshmellow gooey goodness.

I am so excited to read some of my Christmas picture books to jaely and to myself. I do love this time of year.

I decorated my little tree that i normally put in my classroom. It is going to go in Jaelynne's room. It is snowflake theme. I took most of the snowflake ornaments and garland that my mom got me and put them on the little tree. It's pretty cute. And a little way to bring my mom into jaely's christmas.

I should probably start winding down. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.

Good night.

It is December

Good bye November. Hello bright and sparkly December. We woke up to a winter wonderland today. The kind where the snow sticks to one side of the tree trunks and makes its way up to stick to every possible branch, the contrast with the bright white and deep brown is stunning. The light pours in through the windows. No lights will be needed until the sun sets.

We got back into town on Saturday and spent sunday recuperating, unpacking, shopping, working and decorating. I put my village up while TJ worked on school stuff and while jaely slept. I love putting up the village. Last night, however, i was exhausted by the time i finished. It isn't quite how i want it, but it works for right now. Jaely couldn't take her eyes off of it this morning.

Today, i will start to put up the christmas stuff.

Jaely's canvas is done as well, so i have to go pick that up. . . in the winter wonderland. The photographer said it is so beautiful that she hung it in her studio. I ordered the rest of the prints yesterday.

TJ leaves for TC early tomorrow morning. He will get back Wednesday night, pick me and jaely up and we will head to gail's because TJ has a conference in Dearborn on Thursday and Friday. Crazy week. I guess i don't have to worry about cooking dinner for us this week.

Cotton Balls

When i take the polish off of my nails or when i get the eye gunk from Jaely's eyes i reach for a cotton ball.

The package reads "triple sized" cotton balls. TJ recently bought 10 packages of triple sized cotton balls (yes, 10). I have never seen a package that wasn't "triple sized." For what would they be good? When in my life would i need a cotton ball a third of the size? Somewhere down the line the cotton ball has transformed into a larger more plush version of its original puny size. Now the normal is the triple size. . . one simply cannot find double or original size. Did they even make a double, or did they skip right to the triple?

Important stuff to ponder.

Thinking Outside the Box. . .

is not a strength of mine. So, my head hurts trying to. The gears have been going non-stop for two days, and i know i should stop, but i cannot.


In January, TJ and i were going to make a decision about him staying home next year to take care of Jaely. It is not looking good, but it has to work some how. We want it to.

We met for lunch today at City Cafe (i had a coupon, but we still didn't really have money for it). It was nice to meet TJ and see him in the middle of the day and Jaely loved it.

We are trying to brainstorm ways for it to be possible for him to stay home. . .

He thought of staying home next year to watch Jaely and maybe other people's kids. He said that would be ideal. He LOVES kids and would get to stay home with Jaely and we would have some other money coming in. The problem: we don't really know anyone looking for a trusting place to take their child for the day. And we don't really know how all the details work.

We both, independently, thought of buying a cheaper smaller house. But we both dismissed that option. Besides not being a good time to sell, we love our house, feel it is perfect of us, and i feel that it was a miracle we found it when we did and for the price we did.

We both thought of one of us working part time next year. It would be easier if TJ did. I would have to find someone to share the job with me and get it approved. TJ's days are separated by hours. . . students don't know if he is there all day or not. We would still need to find day care for part of the day.

Of course we thought of some cuts we could make in our expenses, but not enough.

I could and most likely will work during the summer or i could start now and work nights and weekends. . . and not see my husband very much.

My biggest problem is in my head. I want Jaely (and our future kids) to have money to go camping, to go out to eat every once in awhile, to maybe go to Chicago for the weekend, to have cute clothes. I need to bleieve that none of that really matters.

People have always been most important in my life. Not things. Why am i having such a problem with it. I want Jaely to understand that too. That things are not important, but family and people are.

Then i think if we both did work, we could do some extra things- like finish our basement, buy the land behind our house, buy things for our kids, save for their college, save for our retirement, etc. Things might not be as stressful.

This whole time looming in the back of my mind is us planning on starting to try for a brother or sister for Jaely when she is around a year. If TJ takes a year off this will have to be put on hold. We both cannot not be working. I don't have enough sick days to get paid maternity leave, so we would have no money coming in.

I know and understand that these decisions are not unique to us, but right now it is what is on our minds.

. . . and during all these thoughts, headaches, decisions, and discussions i look down at Jaely's face and realize that almost 8 months has flashed before my eyes. I want to savor these moments with her. She is growing up so quickly.

Prayers would be appreciated during all of these decisions and problem solving possibilities. :)

November Gloom

November has never been a favorite month for me, in spite of birthdays and thanksgiving. It is gloomy, gray, cold, brown, cloudy, and blah. Yesterday, i all i wanted to do was eat. And as i was thinking of christmas gifts for people, i started to desperately miss my mom. I watch Jaely and wish so badly that she would know my mom and that my mom could have had the opportunity to hold her warm cuddly body, to see her smile light up her whole face, to hear her giggle, and to smother kisses on her granddaughter. Rarely, but it happened yesterday, i thought to myself "it's not fair." I don't think that often, but it crept in and surprised me yesterday. It isn't fair for Jaely and it isn't fair for my mom.

I think of the Thanksgiving festivities and the christmas celebrations. Maybe church did it to me as dave spoke of traditions- that traditions have to be more than just an event, but they need to embody a person's character to be passed on to generations. I would hope that i embody some of my mom's traditions that Jaely will get to experience, but i am sad that she won't get to experience the shallower traditions as well. Sauteed mushrooms with lots of butter at Thanksgiving. Mistletoe hanging by the hallway. Decorated chandelier. Cookies- lots and lots of cookies. A designated christmas symbol ( i am the angel and when TJ and i got married, we were doused with the snowflake theme). Gold chocolate coins in my stocking. Surf and turf on the eve of christmas. Celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday after a morning of shopping.

I think of how jaely would have fit in to those traditions- bringing her to my mom's on thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom would be so excited to see her, she would be waiting by the door with her jammies on, coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. At the moment she saw us, both would be forgotten about, so she could grab jaelynne out of our arms. I never saw my mom with many babies, so i have a difficult time knowing how she would act, but i do know that she wanted us to have kids badly, almost to the point of nagging us. The 'when' questions appeared almost as soon as we were married (maybe before?).

I think this holiday season is going to be more difficult than i thought. I am excited about celebrating with a Jaely this year, but it makes the pain of not having my mom worse. I ricochet from being so excited to get jaely a stocking to being so sad that my mom won't be a part of these memories. It hurts and although i try to stay positive, sometimes (like on a dreary day of november) it just doesn't work.

At least the sun is out today.

I feel bad because i kind of ignored jaely this morning while i was taking care of some christmas gifts. She played by herself, which i know is good, but she was making noise trying to get my attention and i let her just keep playing by herself. Now she is napping.

Dinner

Tonight i made sloppy joes for dinner. I am not talking about the manwich kind that you buy in the can (although, there is nothing wrong with that kind). I am talking about bbq sauce, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, garlic and onion. Yum.

Today, Jaely actually fell asleep while we were at target. I could not beleive it. I was looking at little christmas outfits today and i got so sad thinking about my mom and how she would have surely started a theme for jaely this Christmas. It was real hard. I was choking back tears as i was going up and down every aisle. I did buy her a little classic pooh Christmas dress that came with matching tights. I just couldn't resist it. So cute.

Today is my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday daddy-o! He is quitting smoking completley today. He is gradually gone down in the amount he smokes, but today was going to be the day he gave them up all together. Hooray!

This weekend was crazy busy, but a lot of fun. I took Jaely out and about all day in Grand Rapids. I kind of just wanted to see if i could handle her all on my own. Just little things like when you order at Panera Bread and you have a little one- do you leave her to go get your tray of food or do you try to juggle everything? Where will i nurse her? (which isn't a huge deal now that she also eats solids.) Will she take a nap eventually or will i have a very grumpy baby on my hands?

As it turned out, TJ got out of class super early. So we were able to hang out as a family. Jaely and i left the house around 10 and we all didn't get home until 7. It was nice to have such a change in the every day routine.

This weekend, we ran into people we know all over the place. I spotted our neighbors sitting across the room from us at church yesterday, so we chatted with them. We saw the Corbins getting out of their car as we were parking to eat at Olive Garden, so we ate with them. . . and their parents. And Ryan's parents paid for our meal. . . that wasn't supposed to happen. Then we ran into Al, Carrie, and four week old baby Cade at the mall and talked to them for awhile while standing in Hallmark about the new parenthood thing.

I went to a wonderful Discovery Toys party- might have one myself. They are great toys and they are guarenteed for life. I got Jaely just a few toys and was able to pay cash because i sold so many loopies on Friday at school.

My dad called and asked if Jaely could come out and play. We are anticipating his visit today. :)

I finally get my hair cut and colored tomorrow.

TJ is done with his grad class. The teacher asked if she could use his research paper (the one he stayed up all night to write) as an example of what a good research paper is.

I lost three pounds this week.

Life is good.

Granna

I miss my grandma. It would have been her birthday today.
The red.
The giggles.
The white curly hair.
The phone calls.
The elephants.
The sweet tooth i inherited.
The snorts.
The Jerusalem necklace.
The thoughtfulness.
The shrimp salad.
The smile.
The twinkle in her eye.
The small appetite (except for sweets)
The prayers.
The rosy palms.
The stories.
The dentures.
The perfect complexion.
The "BM" talk.
The "they say".
The tigers baseball.
The hugs & kisses.
The always wanting a hug from TJ.

Powerful

"Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran so our children could fly.”

- sorry, i don't know the source. That kills the English major in me.

Wow- Red Mesa Duffle. . . on clearnace.

i was on looking at verabradley.com for a description of a piece i want that i need to add to my christmas list. . . people are asking for my list, so i need to work on it a bit. Anyway, i stumbled across this beautiful thing. . . i was tempted to get it being that it is normally 80 dollars but on sale for 48. I love this print, but they are retiring it. I resisted the urge and didn't get it, but isn't lovely. It is a large duffel bag, and a beautiful one. . .
It is going on my christmas list. I am such a vera junkie.

Home

It feels good to be home.

This weekend was wonderful. Watching gail carry the jealy monkey to five houses in her neighborhood as we trick and treated was wonderful. She is such a proud grandma. We also got to see matt and Angie a couple of times and spend some time with lori and trevor. Today, we walked through their house that is being built. It is big and beautiful. . . it is neat to think of all the memories that will be made in that house. . . all the events, conversations, and people that will be imprinted upon that house.

Gail, Jaely and i went to Costco. It was nice to be out shopping with the girls and, of course, jaely did so well- even without a nap. Christmas is already in the air.

Lately, when i have been visiting the east side of the state, i deeply miss my mom. I think of how excited she would get knowing we were visiting with her granddaugher. How we too would go shopping together. . . we could have all even gone shopping together- me, Jaely, gail, and mom. She would have been so very excited to have Jaely come to her house.

i know i have said this before, but i am just so thankful for gail- for having a "mom" still in my life. I just got off the phone with her. I was calling to just tell her that TJ and i forgot to take the garbage out of the room that Jaely was sleeping in. That garbage had a couple of poopy, smelly diapers and we didn't want her to smell a funk a little later. Anyway, we talked for a long time about Jaely, and houses, family, and kids. I am so blessed to still have someone that i can be at ease with and talk about anything.

I am glad to be home. The familiearness of it. How perfect it is for us. The memories that we have created here. The warmth. Dreams of the future. Reminders of our blessings. Jaely rolled around on the lving room floor glad to stretch out- glad to be with her papa. He is making so much time for her, putting school to the side and spending time with his family.

Tonight Jaely was sitting for awhile on the floor on her blanket, her tummy so full and round, her smile so big and wet, and her eyes so bright and expressive. TJ and i just teared up. She is ours. She is in our house melting our hearts, making us laugh, wonder, and worry. This little girl changes before our eyes. Her face lights up when she hears my voice or sees her dad enter the room. There really is nothing that feels better. I am glad we got to share her incredibleness with others this weekend. It just isn't right to keep her to ourselves.

The Relatives Came

My brother, aunt carol and uncle mike just left a few minutes ago. I love having my family here and i am so thankful that some live close enough that they can come over for a visit, although at times they seem far away. I just think Jaely is so incredible that for TJ and i to be the only ones to experience her would be such a shame. There is just something about families that i love. It is a group of people that you have so much love for, that you would do anything for, yet if they were not family, if you just knew them from work or the gym, you might not take the time to get to know. I love that families can gather around the table and share all their different perspecitves, experiences, and passions and as different as they might be from each other we are all held together because we are related. Because we are related, there is such a strong love. I like to think about God knitting together each of my relatives and knowing that we are going to go thru life together, that our paths will be entwined with one another. I think God knitted us together with our other relatives in mind. . . ah, lindsey will appreciate (and learn from) jered's laid backness and sensitivity towards others, and aunt carol and uncle mike will make a wonderful picture for her of what a marriage should be like, etc, etc, for each relative/ sibling. And then i get so overwhelmed with emotion when i think of what life would be like if mine and TJ's path never crossed. I like to think that God made it possible for me to be born in the U.S., in michigan, and live on the east side, and go to Walled lake schools, and have my aunt bring me to a church in lakeland highschool, and later have TJ wrap duct tape inside out around my head while we were in youth group. And at the same time have TJ get to the same places at the same time. Blows my mind, really. And then by meeting and marrying TJ i added more to my family, people that i didn't know before, that i might not have gotten to know that now i would do anything for. God made us with families in mind. We need them. I am so thankful for TJ and for my family. There have been times when i have been hurt by them, and there are times when i might not have acted like i appreciated their differences, but i am so thankful for each and everyone of them. Well, i guess there is just one that i question why God put him in my life, but that is for another blog perhaps.

Oh, did i mention i made chili for the first time. It must have been good. . . Jered had thirds, and uncle mike had seconds. I liked it.

I love that Jaelynne is so comfortable in other peoples' laps and arms. She is just so adorable. She was our entertainment. What more do you need?

Catching Up

This morning, Jaely and i headed to holland to hang out with Haras and Corbin one final time before they move too far away to Roscommon, Michigan. I am sad about it. Although they lived in North Muskegon, we didn't see them as much as i wished, but we did see them Sunday at church, enjoyed summer barbeques, board games, and Last Comic Standing. It just won't be the same without them. . .

We hung out at Target. We were going to walk in downtown hooland, but rain, hail, high wind, and snow made that idea not very desirable. So Target it was. Sarah and i always used to shop together at Target, now we both pushed our kids around. It was neat. Jaely, of course, refused to sleep and got cranky, but what can you do. Corbin even danced for her. . . she did rock a little for him.

I just tried my ultra-cute gray peacoat on. . . doesn't fit. I tried my cozy red fleece on. . . doesn't fit. I tried my black leather jacket my mom got me at graduation. . . doesn't fit. I tried my white north face jacket my husband got me for chritmas two years ago. . . doesn't fit. I hate this. So, i cried. I just went grocery shopping and told myself i wasn't going to bring ice cream into this house. I asked TJ if there was anything else he wanted me to pick up at the store that wasn't on the list. He said he wouldn't mind some ice cream and then added that if i don't want it in the house he understands and he is fine with that too. I made a mental note that i still wasn't going to get it. My favorite kind was on sale. We have ice cream in the house. Maybe i will eat it in a tiny bowl and only allow myself that tiny bowl once a day. My friend that had a baby six weeks ago looks awesome. I asked her what her secret was and she said she didn't know. She hasn't changed how she is eating. She blamed it on nursing. I nursed. I almost weigh as much as i did at the end of my pregnancy. I hate this. Jaely has a onesie that says "i was worth the wait" and being a player of words i always think "i was worth the weight" should also be on there. She was both.

Today, Jaely officially became a carnivore. She had a chicken sweet potato puree and loved it. What a cute little carnivore. Have you had a chance to check out her pictures yet?? You should.

Tired

TJ did not sleep last night. It isn't that he just couldn't fall asleep, or got a little sleep, or got poor quality sleep. . . he didn't sleep a wink last night. His papers were due today. He typically is quite a procrastinator, but that actually wasn't the case this time. There was just too much to do in too short of a time. He took two days off of school this week, and although i must admit that playing a good part of one of the mornings with our new satillite dirct tv (cheaper than cable) didn't help his papers get done, but it did keep him from going insane. I think it is literally impossible to work non stop for two days without any "you" breaks. I did make him extra thick brownies to help him through these long hours.

Because i am TJ's designated proof reader (which one greatly needs when writing on no sleep) i didn't get a lot of sleep last night either, although i did get more than him. I proofread part of a paper at midnight and went to bed when i was finished. Then i woke up at 4:30 and proofread the rest of the one and then the other paper. I think they were each 12 pages. I got done at 6:15. TJ fixed the errors, printed them out, got dressed and was out the door by 7 to go to class. Things like references, page numbers, title page were done just in time. There were errors in the paper that i wasn't sure of, but we didn't have the time or energy to look them up. I just kept saying to myself, he just needs a B. . .it doesn't need to be perfect.

Jaely wasn't escpecially helpful last night either- not by choice, i am sure. She was congested and woke up several times. On one occasion, TJ had to rock her for 20 minutes to get her to settle down and go back to sleep. We suctioned her nose and throat repeatedly. At 1 in the morning, i begged God to let her sleep the rest of the night, for all of our sakes. And she did, until 7:30. It was so hard pulling myself out of bed at 7:30 on a rainy morning, after only going back to bed at 6:30. Now i know why TJ thought it would be better if he just didn't sleep at all (that is when he thought he would actually had a choice, turns out he didn't)

My plans for today have changed. Sleeping is my focus for my daughter and for myself. When TJ gets home, he is going to kiss me and his daughter and then take a long, long nap. I think Jaely and i will sneak off somewhere and leave him alone in a quiet house.

I hope by some miracle that she is an excellent napper today.

Antsy

As TJ started Jaely's bed time routine, i was extremely tired, but little antsy too. I decided i needed an outing. Target has her bed time formula on sale (and i had a 5 dollar off coupon) and we also needed wipe refills. And of course, i was going to look at things other than for Jaelynne.

I stepped out my front door to begin my outing, and took a deep breath of autumn. I realized that i hadn't been outside since the autumn smell has come upon us. I hadn't stepped foot outside in a couple of days. It felt good to feel the crisp air and breathe in the scent. I got in my car, plugged my ipod in and turned alanis morissette way up. Of course, i sang along with all the emotion i could muster. I hit the seat warmer button and cranked the heat on and sped (just a little) to Target. While there, i just wandered around aimlessly. I found myself in the toy aisle, the halloween section, in the toddler room decor, clearance spots scattered throughout the store. I could have spent a fortune. . . and i still managed to spend more than i wanted. Diapers. Formula. That is already over 40 dollars. I picked up, pondered, rationalized, reminded myself, and put back many things. I managed to hang out at target for an hour and a half without getting anything "extra" -not being very prodcutive really, but i guess i needed that.

A Basket Full of Loopies

I have worked on making loopies every minute i get, which means the house is looking not as tidy as i like it. That is okay. I have 13 loopies i can sell. Hooray! We are back in business.

Oops. . . we slept in

I haven't set an alarm since Jaely was born. . . no need to. I don't sleep that soundly in the morning because i have to pump and then i can't fall back to sleep or she is making sounds. Anyway, Jaely woke up at 4:30 this morning and wouldn't go back to sleep, so at 5 i fed her. She was asleep by 5:30. I had a horrible headache last night, so my loving husband turned off my monitor. When he came to bed, he put the monitor on his side of the bed. Jaely. . . and TJ. . . and i slept until 9. Oops, we got up too late for church. I am really bummed because we missed it last week and the political series is happening.

So, instead of going to church, i made cinnamon rolls and looked through the ads of the paper. I absolutely love the coupon fliers. They have the weirdest "collectibles" sold in them. This week: genuine leather care bear purse that is larger than the size shown (which is a good thing, since the picture was only three inches long), the first ever scarlet o'hara sculptural shoe (i wonder why it is the first ever?), and i saved the best for last- the farting teddy bear.

The ad shows this ugly bear with a square cartoon of the bear sitting on a couch at a dinner party. There is a "F-F-F-F" coming from the bear as people at the party are turning their heads. In the lower corner of the picture is a hand with a remote control. Yes! That is right. The farting bear is controlled by remote control.

Farting Teddy Bear

People just can’t keep their hands off our cute little Teddy Bear! But they are in for a surprise because when they cuddle him, you press a button on a remote and he breaks wind! Guaranteed laughs for everyone! Adorable 17 inch plush bear uses 2 AA batteries (not included). Remote comes with cell battery. Makes a great gift!

I know you want one, so check out their ad, but make sure to click on the bear, so that you get the full colorful ad. It will make you smile.

Speaking of smiling- i also read in the paper that a man was arrested for pleasuring himself with a vacuum cleaner. You might be thinking, well that is disturbing, but if a man wants to do that in his own home, he should be allowed to. The problem was that he was doing it in a car wash. That is just creepy. I cannot imagine pulling my car into a car wash and seeing that.

Normal and Random

Things seem back to normal again, if there is such a thing. TJ doesn't have class this weekend and we are not going anywhere. Grand Rapids and Traverse City were wonderful for different reasons. It was nice to have a break from the norm, but it is good to get back to normal (for example, Jaely taking a two hour 15 minute nap today).

Random thoughts/events

• I actually enjoyed the presidential debates on Wednesday. I was impressed by Obama, especially when asked about Palin and of course i liked the Fox News remark. Not very impressed with McCain. My favorite part was when he was talking about kids with special needs and said sympathetically ". . .kids. . . children, precious children. . .with autism" You could see the gears grinding in his brain as he tried to think of choice words to portray the strongest and most sympathetic way to refer to the kids with special needs. I could not believe the tremendous amount of blinking he did. I know that i do not base my vote on a person's number of blinks during a debate, but i thought it was crazy.

• My step-dad left a lengthy message on our machine that involved him playing his "Gee-tar". It was creepy and i think some alcohol was the cause, but one can't be too sure. i tried not to let it ruin my day. I am sure that he does not read this, since he asked me to print off some things from the internet and send them to him. . . you know, recipes and some old country singer's songs (because i have so much time in my day- i am only mothering a six month old, you know.) Sorry if my bitterness is making an appearance. That is one time i am glad i did not answer my phone- that and two days before when he left another message.
  

• We went out tonight with Kathleen and her family. Greta looks so different, but her laugh is just the same- full of eye-crinkling enthusiasm and very contagious. My favorite quote from her tonight "i like beer. (long pause) root beer" and then laughed like it was the funniest joke. Most of her hair fell out in the front, so she kind of has a kindergarten mullet going on and she has plumped up from all the medication, but she is responding well to treatment. Grace entertained Jaely wonderfully and spoke about the MEAP like it was the best thing on earth. It was so relaxing and so fun to go out as a family. On the way home (sevenish) jaely finally got a little cranky, not bad considering she also spent the afternoon at my school, being held by a plethora of strangers and people not so strange. Anyway, on the way home when she was just starting to whine a little, TJ and i broke into song. Away went the whines. She listened intently to the two of us singing (if you can call it that) "if you're happy and you know it," "The Wheels on the bus go round and round," an attempt at "The Peek-a-boo Song," and "J-A-E-L-Y" (sung like B-I-N-G-O only it goes there is a baby who's so cute and jaely is her name-o. She was probably smiling, but it was too dark to see. I like to think she is one person who smiles when we sing. It was great! and it worked.

• I went to school today for treat day. I love the people i work with- have i mentioned that before? I do not miss the MEAP test that went on all this week. I do not miss the principal. I do miss all the other junk. I miss the people and the actual teaching, which sadly has become such a small amount of a teacher's job. Jaely was great- smiley, happy, and not afraid of anyone. Well, maybe the wood scared her a little, but she kind of scares me too. That was mean. I, of course, never get to talk to anyone long enough to catch up. Either they sat at a different table or i got asked a question as someone comes to see Jaely and i have to switch out of a conversation.

• Next year, there is a good chance i am teaching young fives. Can you imagine? I cannot. Yikes! I cannot think of that or i won't sleep. I will just worry about my job this year- who is sleeping in the next room. I am preparing her for the MEAP test. Not really, but i wouldn't put it past the state to someday make it so there is a test at one year of age.

• I currently have 7 loopies by Lindsey completed. I have been working my butt off during Jaely's naps (which means the house is messy). I have at least 5 orders for them. . . probably more if i actually sat down and thought of them all. Ya, i can think of more already. I am just making a bunch, mostly girl or boy, but a few neutral. It seems most people find out the sex of their baby. It is nice to watch the stack grow. I am increasing the prices of them for several reasons- TJ and i sat down with a spread sheet to figure out how much they cost to make, i spoke with some people who named a price before i said how much i sold them for, i compared them to some others that are being sold, i am making them bigger than before, and i can no longer make one side the less expensive non-texured material because it is no longer being sold in stores. I think $20 instead of $12. TJ and Misty still think more, but i don't know. . . i feel bad already increasing it that much.

• Tomorrow, TJ is working on his midterm for his grad class and doing some research for his paper. I am going to have a normal day and maybe go to Joanns for more fabric in the early evening. Hooray!

• i am trying to get a post longer than Daniel's last post. . . did i accomplish my goal?

Well, i think that is random and long enough.

Traverse City Here We Come!

So, we are all going to Traverse City after all. We are going to stay with my dad, that way I can still go, TJ gets to see Jaely, Dad gets to see Jaely, and TJ doesn't have to room with the new guy. I think it will work out pretty well. The fall color should be unbelievable. It will be nice to see my dad for an extended period of time.

Tomorrow morning TJ leaves for class in GR. Gail is coming. We are going to hang out for a bit and then i am off to meet my hubby in GR for a little anniversary celebration. We got a hotel room at the JW Marriot. We are going to go somewhere nice to eat. We also want/need to go to Johnson's Workbench and Babies R Us.

We come back Sunday and leave Monday morning for Traverse City. TJ is leaving at 4:30 am. I am leaving separate so Jaelynne's schedule doesn't get too messed up. I am so glad that i won't just be sitting at home alone for two days. And Jaely will get to see her grandpa and her papa.

We come back Tuesday, then TJ has parent/teacher conferences the next two nights and a huge research paper and group project due in two weeks. Ya, he is a little overwhelmed. Tonight, i am putting Jaely to bed because he has to stay late to do lesson plans for Monday and Tuesday. Yuck. I think we will bring him dinner though, so he can at least kiss his baby girl.

Huh.

I finally finished My Sister's Keeper today. I read while i was waiting for Jaely to fall asleep. I waited a long time. The book was a good read. There was one point where the mom is thinking about her daughter who has leukemia "I have only known her for two years. But if you took every memory, every moment, if you stretched them end to end- they'd reach forever." As a mother, i totally get that.

I felt like a terrible mother today. Terrible. I know i will have days like this, so i take it for that. Jaely was awake from 5-7. Very odd for her. She often wakes up, moves around at 5, but always goes back to sleep. Not this morning. I changed her diaper, rocked her, shushed her. Finally after letting her cry, she fell back asleep, only an hour before she normally gets up. She then slept to 9, throwing our normal schedule off. I fed her, played with her and then put her down for a nap. She promptly rolled over, and got in her sleeping position, so i left the room, turned on the monitor and started chopping broccoli for tonight's dinner. Not a peep came over the monitor. 30 minutes later, i go peek in on her and she is wide awake, playing with her feet. She never went to sleep, then did for 10 minutes, then woke back up. What a crazy day.

The part that makes me feel like a terrible mom is when she is rubbing her eyes because she is so tired. I know she wants to sleep. I know she needs to sleep. I just don't know how to make it happen. I don't know how to give her what she needs. Grrrr.

Tomorrow, instead of staying put and getting her naps in order, i am meeting a friend for lunch. Her planning and lunch are connected so we get to meet and chat over cheese soup at Pekedils. She needs me and i want to be available to that. . . and let's face it, i need her too.

Another bummer to my day was the fact that my plans for next week don't look like they are going to work. TJ is going to traverse city monday and tuesday and i thought Jaely and i would have fun if we joined him. We have been invited before, but this time we decided to do it. The fall color would be beautiful, plus my dad has mondays off, so i could visit him. TJ was asked if we also wanted to stay sunday night, so that we wouldn't have to leave long before the crack of dawn on Monday. We said sure. Now it seems plans have changed. TJ is no longer the only male going so the school wants to put him up with the other man. The thing is that the other man is the new principal who got the job that TJ was going for and this new principal is not well liked by many people yet. So not only is there not a good chance of me going with TJ and allowing him to hang out with Jaelynne at night, he has to stay with someone that he really isn't too fond of. I am so bummed. I was planning on going shopping, driving around looking at the trees and the lake, and taking Jaely on walks, hanging out with my dad, while still seeing TJ in the evening. He is going to talk to someone about tomorrow, but i bet i am staying home.

Choices

Last night, after putting Jaelynne to bed, TJ started making his applesauce. Yum. We only had two jars from the last time he did it. I decided to scrapbook a couple pages while watching Seinfeld season 2. It was a relaxing night. The only night TJ chooses something he would like to do and not something he has to do. I came up from downstairs, to find the kitchen filled with the aroma of warm apples and the counters covered in applesauce making accutrement.

The canner

This has nothing to do with apples, but check out this crazy carrot on steroids we got at the farmers market. These carrots are so delicious- super sweet.

Cooking down the apples.

The food mill makes it easier- according to TJ. I wouldn't know.

The rejected parts, although they won't be rejected by our compost pile

TJ chopped lots of apples. We bought a mix because it makes the best applesauce, pies and crisp. $12.00 for that huge overflowing bushel of apples.

Some of you may be wondering so i will tell- yes, TJ did clean the kitchen up, of course.

Goats Galore

I love the word galore, almost as much as i love goats. It is one of the few (maybe the only?) adjective that comes after the noun. When put with goats, it is also alliteration. I love alliteration, almost as much as i love the word galore.

So at the pumpkin patch there were galloping goats galore which made me hugely happy.

They had this huge fenced in contraption (one that i think my dad should also build on his property) made out of wood that consisted of bridges, ramps, stairs and pulleys. The goats roamed freely among it, wandering on the bridges, up steps, eating from cups on pulleys, and frolicking about. I absolutely love goats. Especially pygmy goats. I show Jaelynne the one down the road from us every time we pass it. I don't think she was as impressed by them as i was because one tried to eat her pants and shoes. Oops. I almost lost my goat enthusiasm when i laid eyes on their eyes. Peculiar looking things caught me off guard. Instead of circle shaped pupils, they have sideways slits that bulge out of their head. Spooky.


Here is the goat gym (that is not alliteration- even though both words start with a g, clearly the g makes different sounds in each word. . . )

So can you see the pupil slits? Creepy.

This picture is for Mary. Mary meet Jeffery.

TJ enjoyed feeding the alpacas, even though one got his finger.

The tomatoes, garlic, sweet pepper, fresh basil, salt and pepper are mingling in the bowl as i write this. I had to prepare it during Jaely's first nap. My hands have a pleasant basil scent with a touch of garlic. As i was cutting the fresh tomatoes from the farmers market, i was reminded of how my mom wanted me to run the tomatoes under the faucet to get rid of the seeds for her. She said that the cold water made her hands ache. She often doubled the recipe, using 8 tomatoes. This stuff is almost better as left overs. I am now wondering if i should have doubled it. Oh well, too late now. I have no more tomatoes and i ran out of the sweet pepper.

Jaely woke up after only 45 minutes of a morning nap. She is testing out a new noise as she lays in her crib. It seems to be a mix of her growl (a sound she discovered about two weeks ago) and this new shaky giggle (she just found last weekend). It sounds so funny and is making me laugh out loud. She is a strange bird.

I just read TJ's post from last year. It brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.

Mom's Birthday

It seems so strange for me to think about the fact that i haven't seen my mom in almost 5 years. That is a long time to go without seeing someone that you loved so much and was your best friend. The sound of her laugh is beginning to fade from my memory. I knew it would some day. I haven't heard it in awhile. Today, my mom would have turned 61. I have been thinking a lot about her. Right now Jaely and i are spread out on a big yellow blanket. My mom bought this blanket at pier one for me, probably about 20 years ago (i am old!). I hated the fact that my room was yellow (from when i was a baby), so my mom used the yellow and turned into something that i could at least live with. Granted, my room still had yellow carpet, yellow walls, some yellow wallpaper, but the accessories made it somewhat cooler.

These are pictures from her birthday in 1978, when she was turning 31. I would have been almost 4 months old. Notice i didn't have any hair either, like jaely. These are two of my favorite pictures. . . i have posted them before.

I just thought of her last night when i returned from grocery shopping. Whenever my mom would return from grocery shopping she would pull in the driveway and honk her horn. This honking was our signal to drop what we were doing and to come and help unload the car. If we didn't come fast enough, she would honk again. We hated that she did that. I was tempted to do that last night for a laugh, but i didn't want to wake jaely up.

Tonight i am making pasta a la caprese in honor of my mom. Jered is coming over for dinner and to visit with Jaelynne.

Her life was definitely worth celebrating. She probably would have celebrated by taking a really long nap, staying in her jammies, and making pasta a la caprese and a texas sheet cake. Actually she probably would have gone out to eat and to a movie with George. Who knows.

She is worth celebrating.

A Wonderful Dose of TJ

Today was spectacular! We spent a lot of time being a family. We went to church and i have never seen Jaely so excited. As soon as Dave started playing music, she started squealing with delight, waving her hands in the air as she stood on her papa's lap. when she sat down, she kicked her legs to the beat of the music, still giggling and squealing. After the music she fell asleep in her papa's arms. Supercute. I was ready to put her in the nursery today, but TJ really likes his time with his girl at church. She is still quiet during the mesage- not so much during the music (make a joyful noise unto the Lord). I am really enjoying Renovate- Dave's messages challenge us and make us rethink why we believe what we believe. Today's message endorsed saving peanut butter jars (a hobby of TJ's) and Eric Carle (a favorite author of mine)- what could be better than that? I really could tell you what the message was really about, but you should just come see for yourself.

After church we went out to eat with Alecia, Joel, and little Beckett. It was great conversation and tasty food.

Then i fed jaely and we all took a long Sunday afternoon nap. I fed her again, while TJ worked and then all three of us played on the floor for a long time. Jaely got a bath by her papa and me. Then TJ worked on school stuff while he sat on the couch and we watched TV.

I know this might sound blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was so nice doing the blah, blah, blah, blah stuff with my husband. . . it makes it not so blah.

I soaked up all the sun rays i could as i sat and read. My skin feels tight and i feel warm and alive. Now, i think i need a nap!

Nothing in particular- just whining, i guess.

I am not writing this for sympathy, for prayers, nor for an audience. Although i know this is a public blog, i started it for myself- for a place to write. So, i am going to write.

Last night was much needed. My friends stayed until about 11:30. We ate good food, laughed til i cried, and talked. . . a lot. I needed it so bad after being by myself with the bug for two days. TJ got home and spent the rest of Jaely's waking hours playing with her and snuggling her.

Because of last night, i feel worse today. Although i craved the adult interaction, the absence of it on a beautiful Saturday fall morning is overwhelming. I love the fall, but to me i love it because it is spent with people- watching the new TV shows with friends, going to farmers markets for apples, going on walks and drives. I am doing all of these things, but with just Jaely.

This morning after i fed her we headed to the fall fest in Whitehall. TJ and i always go to get apples, mums, and to look at the craft show. Today it was just me and jaely. I wanted to get Jae a little pumpkin, but had no way to carry it. I had to pass on the mums for the same reason. The stroller was already full with apples and tomatoes. I even hung out there longer hoping to run into someone i knew, which i did and spent five minutes talking to her. We walked around whitehall for awhile and then headed to the library to return some books. Then we walked on the bike path. Everyone we passed was talking away to a friend or a spouse. I was walking in silence, hoping Jaely would take her morning nap on the go. She didn't. It was very peaceful, but lonely too. Then i realized that i was having one of those days where i was going about the normal routine and not really talking to Jaely. I felt bad about that too. I feel worse when i do finally say something to her and her whole face lights up. That is all it takes to make this girl happy and i am faiing at it today. The day is young, i can change now that i realize my silence.

TJ is at class in GR. Early this morning (3:00) jaely decided to get up and stay awake half crying half babbling until 4. I got frustrated and had to ask TJ to take over for a bit. I felt bad because he had to get up early for class this morning, with no chance for a nap. I asked anyway, and then the guilt kept me awake anyway. He was gone with her for about 10 minutes, then she slept. I am not sure what he did, but it worked.

I miss just hanging out with my husband, doing nothing in particular. I love when all three of us go somewhere. He is just so busy, and he really is doing the best he can. When he finally does get a Saturday, i know that he has to work on the built-in or mow the grass and soon it will be raking time. It is beautiful days like today where i just feels worse because i know he is at a place where he would rather not be and i am trying to enjoy the weather and the stuff that comes with it, but there just seems to be this absence. I think the next time he goes to Traverse City i am going to go with- i can visit my dad, drive around and look at the fall colors, take a walk, shop and see TJ in the evenings. That might be nice.

Writing makes me feel better. :) I think i am going to forget about laundry and cleaning up from last night's get together, put jaely down for her nap and sit out on the sun and read. That sounds nice.

Look what i Did!

TJ has a lot on his honey do list. I am constantly trying to alleviate some of his stress by doing things that he has been doing, but that i can do- like cook dinner. I won't do the litter box, even though i can. One of the items on his list was to install cabinet hardware for the laundry room cupboards.

I decided that this is something i can do. If i do it when he is not here, i won't ask him a ton of annoying questions (he would rather just do the project himself, then). So, i located his drill, which i have never used, got a level, tape, and a pencil. Looked up how to install cabinet hardware on google (it even told me which drill bit to use). And, i can proudly say, TJ has one less thing on his list. They turned out perfect. I was so scared i was going to mess up our cabinets, but i didn't!

Alone, but not really

Tomorrow TJ goes out of town. I invited five friends over Friday night to have a girls' night out. . . for them, at least. Actually Jaely will be sleeping (fingers crossed) for most of the get together. The white noise in her room will have to be turned up. I am excited about it and glad that i thought of it. I am going to desperately need some adult conversation by then (and a male escort is way too expensive).

I made an appointment for Jaely's six month pictures. For some reason i am super excited about them. I just think she is at the perfect age. . . she smiles all the time, giggles a lot, and can almost sit up (maybe by the appointment she can). TJ is taking a day off of work to get our pictures taken and to work on his grad class stuff. The built-in, to his disappointment, sits untouched. He has class everyother Saturday and plans with people the Saturdays in between. The grass is long. The snowblower is still broken for yet another season. Soon our yard will be covered in colorful leaves. If i could, i would wrap up time in a beautifully wrapped box and give it to him as a total surprise. He is frustrated.

Mac and Cheese

As many of know, i love cheese. Cheese with pasta. . . nothing beats it. I found a recipe for mac and cheese in Wondertime Magazine that i wanted to try. I have been cooking a lot more since TJ started back at work. Yesterday, i shredded all the cheese (20 ounces) and cooked the bacon. Today i had to do the rest. It turned out real yummy. I think i had it in the oven for a little too long, but it was still real good. It also gave me a chance to use our Emile Henry dish that we purchased on a super good deal.

Today, Jaely and i went to the library and walked the bike trail in Montague and Whitehall. She fell asleep on the way back, so i sat on a bench along the trail and read one of my library books. I love walking through the woods and watching the sun pour through the spaces between the leaves and branches, looking at the layers upon the ground of leaves, branches, and moss, and watching the ground dip low as it heads down to the ravine. I also loved looking in the stroller, making eye contact with my daughter and watching her face light up as a huge grin made its way across her face.

Perfect

Today was a beautiful day. Gail and steve came over and we visited TJ's grandma in Grand Haven. His aunt, cousin and their kids also came. I am glad they all got to meet Jaely. Steve and gail came over to our place after and hung out. It was perfect. I forget how much i like having people over, especially family. I like for other people to notice jaely's little mannerisms, tricks, giggles, and smiles. They are too awesome to keep to ourselves. I also don't want family to be strangers to her. I show her pictures of her family all the time in her "who loves baby book." I say all their names and titles and point to each face as i say them. Hopefully some of it will stick.

The four generations- Tj's grandma, his dad, himself, and jaelynne

We decided that we are not going to go to TJ's cousin's wedding on New Year's Eve- just too much to do with a little one. Wedding isn't until 8, reception goes until 12, it is in another state, and i think we would rather spend Christmas at gail's than travel to the wedding (we can't do both). So that means that we will go to gail's probably on Christmas eve and then stay long enough until my brother and his wife come into town (sorry dad, that means we won't be at our house for Christmas for you to visit, but we can be at aunt carol's). Anyway, it is funny to talk about all this now, but it is crazy how far in advance one needs to make plans.
Speaking of plans- for our anniversary weekend, gail offered to watch jaely for as short or as long as we wanted. I am so excited. TJ has class in GR that weekend, but i can drive and meet him on Saturday evening. We are going to go out to a nice restaurant and then stay at the J.W. Marriot again. I am so looking forward to it. I am sure i will miss jaely, but it is nice to not have any worries leaving her with gail. Gail is totally excited about having a sleep over with her granddaughter. I hope Jaely is a good sleeper for her.

Yesterday was Terrible

We didn't sleep hardly at all. The night before last is kind of a blur of shushing jaely, rocking jaely, cleaning out her nose, moving her from swing to car seat to crib and moving the humidifier with us. At one point i was laying in bed gently shushing her thinking/praying "God i know you said you would never give me more than i can handle, but i feel as if You might be close to doing so." Finally at four she fell asleep in her crib.

After she woke up, i spent the day not playing with her. I spent it taking her temperature, which makes her poo, sucking out her nose, listening to her congested breathing, watching to see if her nostrils flare (a sign to take her to the doctors), trying to get her to eat, and mostly- trying to get her to sleep. I could not get her to sleep. She was crying and kept rubbing her eyes. Yawning a ton. She finally fell asleep when i was nursing her, as the makings for cereal were going bad by being ready on the counter. I rocked with her and let her sleep. She slept for just a half hour.

I had to get out of the house. I was going crazy shifting aimlessly between the napping options of car seat, swing, crib, me, car seat, swing, crib, me. Booger sucking. Temperature taking. Shushing. Crying. Wiping the dried snot of her face. I kept jaely in her jammies. Brought her into the bathroom with me as i brushed my teeth and washed my face. I looked like hell. Dark circles under my eyes, chapped nostrils, mouth hanging open so i can breathe, hair clipped back out of my face, a funny bump in the back of hair from sleeping/laying propped up on a pile of pillows. i am sure i smelled. In spite of the way we looked we were going to go somewhere. I didn't know where, but we had to. Maybe the car would finally put the poor bug to sleep.

At 2, i grabbed some wheat thins, filled a travel mug with orange juice, put the booger sucker in the diaper bag and set off. First stop was the gas station. Then, i drove south. Wound up at the mall. Walked around there for a few hours. I am sure it was a sight- me pushing the stroller like a zombie wandering aimlessly about, not talking or looking at anyone but jaely, who refused to sleep in the mall. Way too much to look at for her to sleep.

We got in the car and headed north on the express way. She fell asleep as soon as i hit the highway, so we continued north, past our house and kept going. She slept for 40 minutes in the car.

I cannot beleive the relief i immediatly feel as i hear TJ opening up the garage door. I almost got him up at three in the morning, when i thought i was going to crack from no sleep and feeling like crap myself, but when i looked at the clock and realized he had just two more hours of sleep himself, i couldn't do that to him. He was up a little past midnight writing a test for physics. I could take a nap the next day (little did i know that that wasn't going to be the case) and TJ couldn't.

In spite of not feeling well, Jaelynne is smiling, babbling more than ever, and is almost sitting on her own. She sits by herself, and then wants to recline so that she can kick her feet, so she then falls backwards into my lap. The other day, she was rolling around the living room floor. I got up to make her cereal, heard a huge cry. Turned around to see that she cannot judge spatial distances and smacked her head on the entertainment center as she flipped over. I picked her up and she was fine. She also added some new sounds to her repetroire. Can't really describe them- you will have to hear them for yourself. She mostly does them when she is playing alone. She is also getting a kick out of rocking back and forth while she is sitting- if she was a third grader i would have worries, but as a six month old, it is just cute.

Instead of getting her up at 8 this morning, i just let her sleep, putting an end to any sort of schedule what so ever. She got up at 9:30. The last time she ate was 7 the previous night. She was hungry. Will she ever return to the perfect schedule we had prior to her getting this cold? I can only hope. . . and pray. Today, i think we will be alright. We slept better. Jaely in her car seat for half the night and her crib for the second half. Me in bed, with the ceiling fan going and no squeaky swing. I attempted to go to bed at 9, but couldn't fall asleep until 12- don't know what that was about.

Wow, this is long. Bye.

Nasal Decongestant, anyone?

With no trips to the farmers market in awhile, due to rain, and a nasty cold running rampant at the Ellis household, our produce bowl got taken over by medicine and related accoutrement. We are beginning to feel better, but still sick. Jered was supposed to visit tomorrow, but we are going to reschedule. The bug is kind of cranky. And instead of offering Jered an apple, he would have to settle for advil cold and sinus. I cannot wait to disinfect the whole house and fill this bowl up with honeycrisp apples.

Under the Weather

TJ and i both have a nasty cold. . . i am blaming him for giving it to me. I didn't think i would get sick this year because i am not with 25 germy kids. We skipped church. TJ slept in and i took a long nap. I have been drinking hot chocolate, eating mashed potatoes from a box, and bread. Jaely has been sneezing a lot, but she seems okay. It has been a strange day. . . rainy and cooped up, my head is stuffed to the point where i feel like it is floating. Time is flying by today, probably because of my long nap. Right now Jaelynne is just staring at the cats, wishing they would come over and play. They are too smart for that.Update-
Now Jaely is going to bed. Since fall is upon us, i lit some candles. What a perfect night to snuggle up and read. There is a ton i need to do around the house, but i really don't feel up to it. I love candles. I love fall. I hate being sick. I love snuggling up with a good book.

I hate discussing politics. . .

so this is probably the only post that will even be related to politics. But i feel strongly about certain issues (pro-life, poverty, healthcare) and have never put it into words that make a lot of sense when i say them aloud. Because Daniel says it better than i ever could or ever have. . .


oh, and of course i am voting for Obama.

Great Plans

I had great plans for today. TJ took yesterday off and hibernated in the basement all day and mostly all night with a box of kleenex to work on stuff for his grad class today. He is sick. He wrote a really great paper and had a lot of reading to do. He left early this morning for GR and won't be back until 7ish. Just me and Jaely hanging out- like every other day.

So, to make the day a little different, i had plans of going to the farmers market and picking up some tomatoes (to make my mom's pasta a la caprese) and apples (the first of the season). Then we were going to go for a walk on the bike trail. When i awoke to rain slapping at our windows, i had a feeling my plans were going to change. An outdoor market and a walk just didn't sound like it would work for a 5 1/2 month old. Not like she could jump in the puddles or hold an umbrella.

I decided we are going to hang out in our jammies and read lots of books and take naps. She has a date with the exersaucer, stacking cups, and with the baby in the mirror. We might venture out to meijers. I am sure she will practice her new growling sound and spit sound and also her rocking back and forth while sitting assisted or while being carried. We'll work on her sitting up, too. She can do it with her arms on the floor in front of her for awhile and then tips sideways. She has no interest in trying it without her arms in the front of her. When i try having her sit up straight she leans back as hard as she can. We tried putting her to bed earlier last night and it worked to some extent. She still played with her toes and feet forever and then cried a lot, but she wound up getting more sleep and she was able to sleep past 6:30. When we woke her up last night at 10 to feed her, she was so hard to wake up. We hate it- disturbing her from a sound sleep. Tonight we are going to try to skip that feeding altogether. Yikes! We will see. Things change so quickly, right when you think you figured something out.

This made me laugh on a gloomy day. . .

The fun just keeps going

After seeing Katie's blog and giggling, i notice that my other brother decided to do the yearbook thing in yet a different way. . . the laughs just keep coming. I love it!

How Fun is This?

Thanks Jered!











I think i look like my grandma in one of them. . .

Peaceful

Jaelynne is asleep in her swing, clutching a loopie, head tilted to the side and back. TJ is lightly snoring on the couch, glasses folded on the coffee table and cats curled up next to him. The only light is the glow of the fish tank and the little light from this gloomy day that tries to make its way through our windows. Friends plays softly in the background with the hum of the swing going back and forth.

We are all at peace right now. Things just feel right. I just finished cleaning up after dinner. My dad came to visit his granddaughter today and with him brought our dinner, dessert, a change from the monotany, and Jaely's first Christmas present, wrapped in christmas paper and tagged with her name on it - a U of M cheerleading outfit. He left so Jaely and i could get a little nap. Dinner was awesome. I made the linguini and warmed up the deliciouse spaghetti sauce, stuck a bread loaf in the oven, poured two glasses of milk and away we went. Thanks dad! And for dessert homemade blueberry peach pie with a beautiful lattice crust -worthy of a picture really.

I am becomming more comfortable in the kitchen. I cooked the pasta tonight perfectly, and timed everything just right so it was all done at the same time. Yesterday i made ravioli. TJ is so appreciative of it and he makes sure to show me and let me know. He is able to spend more time with Jaely, even if that means changing a poopy diaper, and he can take a little nap.

I better wake up the Jaebug. We want her to beable to sleep tonight and she needs to eat soon. Dad got to watch her eat her cereal and what a show she put on for him. Smiles, a little giggling, and such sounds. The last time her saw her was just in August, and he said she has changed so much. i am glad it is not passing to quickly before my eyes, that i am able to enjoy it.

It is hard to wake a peaceful baby.