Last night i dreamed that i was dancing with my mom. It wasn't that unusual for my mom to take me and dance with me in the kitchen. . . even when i was older. I remember coming home from college or visiting home with TJ after we were married, and my mom would still hug me and then not let me go as she danced me around the kitchen. Often times i picture her doing that in her blue terry cloth robe with a cigarette in her hand. The kitchen usually smelled of something cooking or baking. She always had quite a spread when i (later we) came to visit.
Dreams are the closest i can get to my mom. If i close my eyes, i can still kind of hear her laugh, but when i dream of her it is crystal clear. I dream of the details of her fingers and nails, her clothing, and her voice. She is always happy to see me and i am, of course, ecstatic to see her. Years ago, when i dreamed of her, i was a little angry that she left me. . .i am always angry with George in my dreams. I tattle on him to my mom when we get a chance alone. Yikes.
I hope tonight we meet again in my dreams. I miss her so very much. Being a mama to Jaelynne, makes the pain worse, at times. My mom would have loved being a grandma. I have yet to dream of Jaelynne and my mom seeing each other. It is always me coming home or my mom and i meeting somewhere. Maybe i don't dream of her at our house because she never saw it.
Good night. Sweet dreams.
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