I am Doing Okay.

I just can't seem to figure life's rhythm out right now. I can't find my groove, and when i think i found it in one area, i am either being mediocre as a teacher, a wife or a mom. Sometimes, i am not even mediocre. I am tired. I have a lot of guilt. I should be grading papers. I should be playing more with Camryn. I should be reading to her every day. I should be getting the house clean. I should be dancing with Jaely. I should be cleaning up from dinner. I should be a better listener to TJ. I should have more patience for my students.

I feel like i am going non-stop. Grading papers with one hand while pumping in my classroom with the other. Folding laundry while kind of playing with Cami as she lays on our bed. Laying out clothes for the next day while carrying Camryn around. Blogging while kind of playing with Camryn next to me. Nursing Camryn while asking Jaely about her day. Listening to TJ tell me about his day as i play with jaely. No one is getting my undivided attention, and it is driving me nuts.

Right now, i am just so tired so nothing is making sense. In a few more minutes i can put camryn down for the night and then i am down for the night. Well, i have to wake in a couple of hours to pump. I just need sleep. I didn't realize how important sleep can be for me. I eat worse when i am exhausted. I have no patience. I get overwhelmed.

I am so glad it is the weekend. At nap time tomorrow, do i clean the house or do i do a tad of scrap booking? Or maybe take a nap. Or grade the mound of papers i have. Or go on a family outing.

TJ

Today is TJ's birthday. He is reading to Jaely her bed time book as i write this. He has made me smile so many times today. He has made dinner and emptied the dishwasher. He has fed Camryn a bottle and fed jaely a messy breakfast. He has tenderly kissed me and sent me pictures of cami today. He has balanced work at school and work at home. He let me park in the garage. This is his everyday. He is amazing. I am so thankful that God brought our paths together. I think of when we first met- When i giggled as i stuffed my nose into his armpit because i liked the smell of his deodorant. When he would drive me home in the Aerostar and kiss me in my driveway. When he would snuggle with me on the couch and rub my head. I loved him then, when we were so young and our worries were homework and what to do Saturday night. Now, our life is so different. We have bigger worries, but such huge joys. I love how he loves me. I love how he loves our girls. I cannot imagine life without him. It would be such a lonely path. I am so blessed and so thankful that God knitted TJ together, knowing that he would be perfect for me and knowing that he would have such an impact on the world around him.

Happy birthday Rescue Ranger.

Thanks Charity!

I stole these pictures from my friend's blog. They are from New Year's Eve.

The kidsThe Guys

The girls

Jaely

Charity nursing Cami (Just kidding!) Cami likes to bury her face in armpits, so it can look a little awkward!

I am so thankful God put these friends in our lives.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho. . .

It's off to work i go.

Blah. It is going to be so hard Monday to leave my 10 week old baby. When i set up my maternity leave, i pictured leaving a tiny fragile newborn. That, however, is not the case. I don't worry about her. . . i just am bummed that i am going to miss her and many of her firsts. I was home with Jaelynne for a year and a half, so i have never had to do this.

What i am worried about is pumping at work. Where will i do it? When will i get work done? Am i going to explode?! Am i going to leak? What am i going to do on days i don't have a break, like my first day back with students. I have fifteen minutes to eat my lunch and that is my only break for that whole day. Yikes!

I am so thankful for Amber. I truly have no worries handing our most precious gifts over to her for half the day and i obviously have no worries about TJ for the other half. I just hope he enjoys his part time job of staying home with both girls.

So, if you are one of the few that read this blog, please say a prayer for me if you think of it. I could use it. Camryn will be fine. . . it is me i am worried about!

New Year's Eve

It felt so good to see friends, laugh and eat. There were 15 kids there, including a 2 day old Liam. It was crazy and loud at times and the kids turned the basement into a disaster zone, but it was so nice to reconnect with people.




Trying to get all the kids together for a picture.
Everyone needed to get in there spots before Liam and camryn were added onto their pillows.
Nobody really knows where to look!





Maya with her umbrella- they were a big hit.





And this is just the beginning of the mess that was created!
Noah liked this seat more than Keegan did!
Daniel giving Camryn her bottle. She ate at 11 and then didn't eat again until 6:40. Whoo Hoo!
Thanks Ang and Ryan for having all of us over. We really do need to get together more.