Day one, day one
Start over again.
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense.
For now i'm faking it
'til i'm pseudo making it
From scratch, begin again
- Alanis Moressette

TJ

Thirty years ago, gail was in the hospital having just given birth to Thomas James. Today is TJ's 30th birthday. We went into grand haven where we ate at Panera bread and went to a place that sells microbrews. We also checked out circuit city (again) and target. Tonight we are having a nice dinner after jaely goes to bed.

I am looking forward to celebrating the next thirty years of his life. What a truly amazing person. . .

Teamwork

TJ is in traverse city. When he is away i cannot help but be reminded of what a wonderful team we make. I have really noticed it in the last 10 months as we care for our little one, but i knew of it even as we were dating. We each give our 100 percent to our marriage and then when 100 percent isn't enough the other person's 100 percent covers it. TJ has never been one to think that woman have certain jobs and that men have certain jobs. If anything, i have been more like that. . . just assuming he would mow the grass and shovel. But he has never assumed that i would vacuum or cook, iron or do laundry. We just do what needs to be done.

When it comes to jaely the same is true, although we did kind of divy up "the jobs". He has night duty, which means he gives her the last bottle, and puts her to bed. He is then up if she is up until about 11, when he goes to bed. He cherishes putting her to bed, and at times she makes it difficult on him.

Sometimes i feel like the "default parent." But i am the one who is with her all day. I am going to miss that so very much next year. I have come to the point where i really cannot think about it. I am definitely going back to work. TJ is either staying home all day or going half time. We are trying to make a decision by the end of this month. Yikes!

So today, since i was missing my teammate, i decided to make the best of it. I got up, played with jaely, gave her a bath and then put her down for a nap. At that time, i showered did my hair and make-up and got dressed (this is extremely rare). We went to grand haven to go shopping for TJ's birthday gift. Then we came home. I fed her, played with her and put her down for a nap. Then it was off to the Bean's for a time to hang out and catch up with other couples/families. We got back late. It was up to me to put jaely to bed. As i am making her bottle, she is looking at me like "my papa is supposed to be doing this. . . what are you doing?" I am exhausted- one person carries jaely, while the other gets the diaper bag- when we are at a friend's house one person holds jaely while the other one gets their shoes on- if we get home late, one person gets her undressed while ther other person makes the bottle- one person gets her bath ready while the other person gets her ready- one person puts the carseat and diaper bag away while the other person changes her diaper- one person washes out the bottle while the other person reads her a story- one person gets her into the carseat while the other person starts the car- one person puts her left shoe on and one person puts her right shoe on. . . . i could go on and on. Of course, some of this is different if it is during the day on a weekday, but knowing i have down time at the end of the day makes it all pssible.

He was missed in a lot of little ways this evening and as i try to fall asleep, he will be missed in a big way.

I wanna be like mommy!

I got this on e-mail the other day. I think it is from a third grader's homework. Apparently she is not a pole dancer. Her mom actually works at home depot and she is holding a shovel. I love kids!

Almost Free

After shoveling last night and today, my car is almost free. It barely made it into the driveway last night as we got home from being out of town. I am glad that it at least made it off of the road. Of course, this morning the plow came by and flung even more snow at the bottom of our driveway. I am sure TJ can think of better ways to spend a day off from school. Then again, i don't know what we would have done if he had school today.

So tired.

TJ and i are so tired. We just got back from the other side of the state. And although it was great to see family and attend a wedding reception, it was tiring. I think it felt extra tiring this time because jaely did not sleep one night. TJ or i were up with her from 1-5 and then gail stayed up with her until 8. She slept for some of the time, but never in the pack 'n play. She normally is an easy goeing travleler, so i don't think it was that. But whatever the reason, we are tired. Last night was a bit better, but she still required some awake time from TJ and i. She woke up every 45 minutes from 12- 3 for TJ and then i was up with her for an hour at 3:30. I just don't get what is going on. What happened to our great sleeper. Her naps are even bad lately. I think i feel a bump on her bottom gum, but how much blame can one put on cutting teeth?

I am so glad TJ has tomorrow off. He shoveled a ton when we got home, but there is still a lot of snow to move before my car can come any further up the driveway. We had to unpack the car from the bottom of our driveway because the car completely stopped in snow up to our knees upon our arrival.

I have a headach. I am going to take something and relax on the couch. TJ is sleeping. . . exhausted. I am praying that jaely stays asleep. Neither one of us has it in us.

Garage

I cannot believe how parking in the garage makes many things in my life more pleasant- especially grocery shopping. Normally i grocery shop at night, after jaely has gone to bed, but yesterday i wanted to take her with me for a different experience. She was real good, sitting in the cart playing with her toys and smiling at anyone who glanced her way. Before we left i was able to warm up the car, put the diaper bag, our blue reusable meijer bags, and the coupons in the car. I didn't have to clear my car off or take my shoes off once i was back inside because they were not wet. When we got back home, i could do multiple trips without having to wipe my feet dry or track snow through the house. i put jaely down for a nap and then continued to unload groceries from the car. Today after getting back from an outing, i took my shoes off and put jaely down for a nap and then realized i had left something in the car. . . so i went back to get it in my socks. Ahhh, the joy of parking in a garage.

Thanks again TJ. You don't know what it means to me and how much easier it makes life.

A Day on the Couch

I got it. I thought i wasn't going to, but on Wednesday at 11:50 at night all the contents of my stomach came out. And then later my stomach tried to rid itself again of nothing. I was up all night with a bad fever and a queasy stomach. I didn't know how i was going to take care of Jaely the next day. But we made it. TJ got off of jury duty at 11, so he was home for most of the day.

Today i have been on the couch almost all day. Or in bed. Sleeping. When i am sleeping, nothing is waking me up, not even jaely crying and her crying ALWAYS wakes me up. TJ stayed home today to take care of her so i can take care of myself and get over this stomach virus. Jaely has had a full recovery, after three days in jammies and no solids. We are praying that TJ doesn't get sick.

Yuck.

Ice

I am not a big fan of ice in my fountain drinks, but i love it when it covers roads and makes it so TJ has to stay home from school (although he didn't turn on the tv or listen to our answering machine, so he got ready for school and drove all the way there before he realized he had an ice day). Silly man. Happy day.

Complex Querkiness

I know what i am attempting to write won't come out how i want it to, but i am going to try with hope. Today while TJ and i were sitting on the floor playing with and observing Jaely, i was so overcome with the workmanship of God. I have always been impressed with His work when looking at nature and at babies, but when looking at my baby it impacted me more. I knew that all kids are as amazing as jaely, but i didn't really understand it until tonight. All kids have little mannerism and querks that only parents may notice. All babies have tiny observable developments that occur almost daily that are amazing to witness. All of my friends' children are just as amazing and full of the most miraculous mannerisms as Jaely's- i am just not close enough to observe many of them

I love our jaelynne. I love her tiny sighs, her many facial expressions, her wiggly hands, her rotating feet, her ever changing sounds, her thickening hair, her mighty index finger, her thick eye lashes, her curiosity, her shrieks of excitement, her demanding grunts, her rediness to experiment with new food textures. . .

Every child has these tiny things (for lack of a better word) that make them who they are. I hope that i remember these little things about jaely. . . these little tiny things that make her so very special and unique. God made her that way. He not only gave her beautiful brown eyes but also the desire and ability to turn the pages of books as we read them to her. He knitted together her two feet but He also gave her the querkiness of moving them in circles when she gets excited.

* * * * *

When i dated TJ for a while (six years) and during our marriage (7 years) i realized this same thing about people, only i don't think it was as clear. He made me realize that God really does create people so uniquely, whether it is part of their genetic make-up, their enviornment during development, or their own personality. God made them that way by giving them the genes, the environment and their personality. Besides my family (and i don't think it is to the same extent), TJ is the first person that i have had the pleasure of knowing all the tiny mannerisms, the little things that make him him. I love those little things. It is things that only i know. It is the things that make him so special. . . but my point is is that everyone has those little things. I am just so blessed that God chose me to experience TJ and Jaely's eensy-weensy mannerisms and querks that make them who they are.

The workmanship of God is in everyone. . . every single person -in every country- in every city- of every religion- of every socio-economic status- of every sexual orientation -of every ethnicity. . .

When i think of this it changes me. George Bush has these little mannerisms and querks that only a few people in his life know about. . . that God made. That makes him more of a human to me.

I have an actual picture of Saddam Hussien being captured by a soldier. A freind of mine worked at a photo lab at walmart and got it. . . made copies and gave me one. It is an eery picture. It has always bothered me- seeing the look on his face, the dirt and tattered clothes. It made him human. It reminded me that he has little querks and mannerisms that God created in him. The workmanship of God is in him.

The same is true with everyone that doesn't seem human at times- prostitues, addicts, celebrities, ultra conservatives, etc.

Well, like i said this did not come out the way i wanted it to. I am really ,really sleep deprived and should probably go do something about that.
Good night.
I cannot wait to see what jaely querks i discover tomorrow!

It is going to be a good year!

I didn't park in the garage once last year. And already this year. . .It is good to be back!

2009

I can't think of a better way to bring in the new year than to be with a group of friends that i haven't seen in awhile. Yesterday Ang twisted my arm (okay, she didn't have to twist that hard) to come over that night for a new years get together. . . with jaely. Since we got the invitation a few weeks ago, i couldn't figure out what to do with Jaelynne. We couldn't get a sitter, so we were just going to hang out at home. But she reminded us that she has a crib, pack n play, monitor, white noise, and people that really wanted to see us and jaely. She was very convincing. And Jaely was very flexible. She didn't go to sleep until 9:30 (two and a half hours past her bedtime) and when she woke up and started crying it was 11:50, so we just kept her up and brought in the new year kissing our daughter.

We attempted to blow up the corbn's house as we lit something on fire that had a skull and crossbones. We dipped banana in chocolate and ate salamie in the shape of a flower. We played mafia. I was killed immediatly in the first round and was just a townsperson for all the rounds. And we visited with each other. I miss those people. TJ was glad too that he chose not be a hermit for he was told of a game called lux that will now make him more of a hermit (thanks to Rob).

Thanks ang and ryan for having us over and thank you ang for presenting a good arguement for why we should come with jaely. She slept well the rest of the night.