Ugh.

Camryn has a little cold. I rarely have to snuggle her to sleep, but tonight she needed a little help getting to sleep because she was congested. I stared at her and sang her "You are My Sunshine" and i thought that my friend, Kathleen, had once a long time ago did this to her then 6 month Greta. I am sure she looked into her baby's face and wondered what the future would hold and dreamed of everything her daughter would grow up to be. Greta was healthy at one point. I am sure she never imagined while looking into the eyes of her 6 month old that her daughter would get so sick with Leukemia at such a young age and for such a long time.

I just keep tearing up today, especially when i am carrying Cami and we were cheek to cheek. My heart is so heavy as my friend's daughter fights for her life as a second grader. I don't know many details. Those will come later. I do know that my friend is close to tears at school, that she longs to be with her daughter, but instead she is at work. I know that the docs have to run more tests. I know that Greta got her wish a couple weeks ago- to go to Disney with her family.

I don't know how much longer Greta can fight. She's been fighting for three years. There does not seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. Chemo has destroyed the three tiny bones in her ear. She is deaf in one ear. Chemo kills brain cells every time. Some of the side effects of treatments is other forms of cancer. The snippets i get of Greta holding onto her mom for dear life as the doctors have to rip her out of her mom's arms, of how no one will insure Greta when she is older, of the constant trips to GR and still trying to keep life as "normal" as possible for Grace, their oldest.

I don't know a lot of details. Kathleen doesn't like to sit and chat about it. I understand. I get it. But i see it on her face. When she needs something to eat, but doesn't have anything, i give her a snack. When she needs a pepsi, i scrounge around for change and get her one. I send her cookies and cards, hugs and prayers. I set yellow daffodils in her room. I feel so helpless. I know she is hurting so much today. She clammed up, held back tears and changed subjects. I don't know many details. I know i will later. She always tells me later, when things have settled down a bit, but i never get the full story. How can i? There would be so much pain in it, so much anger and sadness. So much doubt and guilt. In just one moment, so much can change. Greta was tired. . .. really, really tired so they took her to the doctors. Cancer. A three year struggle and for how much longer?

I am not making much sense, but if you are reading this please pray for a little girl named Greta who had red curly hair and likes to laugh. Pray her for parents, Kathleen and Rich and for their marriage. Pray for her bigger sister, Grace. Please pray.