Swirling Feelings

After todays visit to G.R. for my doctor's appointment and shopping i feel. . .

Excited: to take the next step, to have a chance to get pregnant in the next three months, to talk to a doctor who has a personality, but also confirms that what my previous doctor did was good, to read Forever in Blue: The fourth Summer of the Sisterhood, to find a beautiful table at Isreals

Nervous: of how i am going to treat my husband, friends and students while being pumped full of hormones, of having the side affect of excessive weight gain apply to me after i have worked so hard to take it off, of giving myself shots everyday, of looking like an idiot because i already LOST the script the doctor wrote for me, of actually getting pregnant and then we will be responsible for another human being!, of getting pregnant with twins or triplets (this is exciting, too, but also something that creates nervousness in me!)

Worried: about missing so much school and having to write so many sub plans and still have my students learn what they need to learn, about finances, about timing, about actually getting pregnant and having a miscarriage, about doing my thesis in the spring/summer

Relieved: from my appointment being over, from not having to even take off an item of clothing, from meeting in his office rather than a sterile room with stirrups, from not having a plan, from finding the perfect table at Isreals when i thought there was no hope

Excited: see above. . . because this is the prominent feeling i have right now.