I love my life!

Jaely with the first ever made Loopy by Lindsey. Because it is the first , it is lacking a bit. It has fewer loops and two loops that are made from fleece (not a good idea!). I actually never made a loopy for Jaely. She just has the first ever and another one that wasn't textured on either side. Oh well! I bring that loopy everywhere. She loves to suck on it in her car seat. And if it is with her and you pick her up, she clutches onto the loopy , so it comes too.Here i have to hold her hand back from her mouth. Her left hand is almost always in her mouth.

Let's Walk about a Bit

I could be a hermit if people would just let me. I always think it sounds better to stay at home and to not make any phone calls. The thing is is that i always feel better when i am social. I went for a walk today with the neighbors on either side of me. You would think- what's the big deal.? Well, i hardly know my neighbors. I am really making an effort to get to know one of them . . . i even called her! So, she invited me out for a walk and then we invited the other neighbor. It was kind of funny. . . she said "i'll meet you at the end of your driveway in ten minutes." Jaely and i were waiting in the mosquito infested road, when nicole came with jackson in his stroller we then met Jessica with Kaden in his stroller. The three of us strolled down the street- taking up the entire half of the road. Jaely stayed awake just long enough to look cute and smile at them before she fell asleep.

It was a nice walk. I got some exercise. Had conversations with adults. And am getting to know my neighbors. Once i am out and about with people, i am always glad. . . it is just getting there that is the hard part for me.

I really should go to bed, but. . .

I feel like if i don't sit down and write, i will never sleep. Today has been a day where i drift in and out of gloom, happiness, joy, and memories. It is probably a good thing that TJ and i hung out in Grand Rapids for the day. Early this morning i learned of a teacher who worked at montague had passed away, leaving behind a husband and kids. I knew the woman, not super well, but knew her. I taught her son, who i keep thinking about all day. He was gone on a camping trip and returned home to learn that his mom died suddenly of a clot in her lungs. I think of my neighbor, also a teacher at montague who was with her all day at a conference. . . went out to the parking lot to find her in distress- tried to help, called 911, but couldn't save her. What an awful thing to experience. I mostly think of her family. How TJ and i can be out enjoying a day, a very normal day and how her family is experiencing a far from normal day- trying to wade through thoughts, emotions, events, what-ifs, and whys. I have been there. I think of how quickly ones life can change. How it might seem like we are in control, but so far from it. How life is so fragile. I think of my mom and how suddenly my life changed when she passed away and i think of the hole i still have because of it- and i was not a young kid like the teacher's. I still occasionally reach for the phone to call my mom. I so often think of how much joy my mom would get being a grandma to Jealy- all the things jaely will miss out on and what my mom was not given the opportunity to experience. I think of how perfect it would have been to go out shopping- just the three of us. And to try on really fancy dresses like we used to and laugh at ourselves in the mirrors of the fitting rooms. I think of my mom being able to see me be a mom- her daughter grown up and having a kid of her own. I think of the love my mom would have had for Whitney and how truly happy she would have been for my brother. I think of the family having to pick something for their mom/wife to wear as she is being buried. I remember, when i had this responsibility for my mom, asking if she was supposed to wear shoes and undergarments. I remember moving each hanger to the left of her closet as i went through her outfits. . . then moved on to her jewelry and shoes. Far from a normal day.

What a normal day i have had. We all know that someday we will lose our mom- that someday will not be normal for us. And i am sure that all the moms prefer it that way, rather than lose their children first, but it is just so hard when the timing doesn't seem "right" to us. When it seems that person has so much more to experience, so much more to give. It has been a normal day where i have been drifting to memories, reflecting on moments, and enjoying what i have. For i have so very very much. Life is fragile.

Ribilicious

Ever since we missed the rib special at Pekadills by a few hours, my mouth has been watering for ribs. I politly hinted that ribs sometime this week for dinner would be awesome. Since i don't cook, the hint was for TJ. Okay, so it may not have been a hint, but rather a request. . . a non-whining request. TJ loves to cook, so after my request he went to his Bon Apetite collection in the guest room closet, got out all the BBQ issues that he had and started looking up rib recipes. He wanted something a little different than just typical ribs. These are what he made. . . They were wonderful and accompanied by a huge potato from the grill. Yum. I enjoyed the rub on the ribs, but i absolutely loved the sauce- the perfect balance between sweet and spicy. We have extra sauce that might make its way onto grilled chicken. I am such a foodie. Kind of a high point weight watcher dish, but sometimes you just have to give in to cravings. . . that is why weight watchers works for me.

Picture Sharing

Jason and Whitney electronically shared some pictures of their trip to michigan. . . here are some of the highlights of when they visited us.

We went to Pekadills, of course.
Jason rocked Jaely to keep her happy.
There are a lot of couch pictures because we sat around a lot. Jaely was our entertainment. We did play clue, but for some reason there are no action shots of us playing. Jason pretty much sucked at the game and cheated. Jered takes crazy notes, but they seem to work for him.

I am so incredibly in love

TJ puts jaely to bed almost every night. He starts by reading her a book and then a sheep he named Samantha the sleep sheep gives jaelynne a kiss good night. Sometimes, i turn the monitor on to listen in on their conversations. It melts my heart, makes me smile or makes me cry. Listening and watching TJ be a daddy is one of the greatest things i think i will experience. These are the two loves of my life.

Random goings on

• i lost 7 pounds in ten days when i weighed in at weight watchers on Thursday. I started back on it. Need to get healthy again.
• We went to the farmers market this morning for some strawberries and came back with giant pea pods, lettuce, and asparagus.
• Whenever uncle Jered holds jaely, she loudly fills her diaper. Jered- we need you . . . Jaely hasn't pooped since monday!
• Jaely's gas smells like cheerios.
• I got flowers delivered to me from Jered for my birthday. They make me smile.
• We ate at Pekadills thinking that because it is Saturday they would have their bbq ribs. They do, but not until 5. We had delicious sandwiches instead. I love the garden there.
• We went to weesies greenhouse. I bought a clematis with my birthday money from grandma howell. Thanks grandma! We are going to plant it in the back garden and let it climb up a trellis along the garage wall.

Locking the Door

I went into school yesterday to clean out my room of my things. I left mostly furniture behind. . . with my name on it with hopes of getting it when i return in a year. As i was locking my door, mine and tj's arms full of odds and ends of things to take to the car for the last time, i cried. I am going to miss the people next year, my friends. I am going to miss the smiling anxious students on the first day of school. Leaving reminds my of just how much i truly love what i do. When i was packing things up, i thought of the students. . . not the ridiculously intense curriculum, or the pressure from the top, or the incompetent "boss". I thought of the kids and of teaching. I packed away so many silly and fun things that helped me teach somewhat boring content. I packed up countless organizers, caddies, and tubs. . . a true reflection of how i run my classroom- ORGANIZED. The things that i often dreaded i will probably miss in a weird sort of way. I always complained of library day because i didn't get planning, but i will greatly miss hanging out with the Grini the librarian and eating chocolate that she always had in her bottom drawer. I always dreaded our third grade meetings on Monday, but i will miss goofing around with the other third grade teachers. I won't miss staff meetings- no good ever comes from them. I will in a weird sort of way miss recess. I dreaded having recess duty, but it allowed me to see my students in a different environment- unstructured and free.

Don't get me wrong. I am looking forward to next year and i am so grateful for the opportunity to stay home with the cutest baby ever.

I couldn't have packed up my room without TJ and definitely not without gail, who stayed home with jaely so we could actually get things done. Thank you gail. Thank you TJ.

Father's Day

I think i found father's day to be just as meaningful to me as mother's day. TJ has waited so long to be a dad. He was built and created to be a dad. He is a natural with kids. . . at ease around them and so so so patient. To be able to celebrate this day with him was awesome. I love that he is off of work for the summer. It gives him so much more time to interact with jaely and to help me out with her too. Today we gave her a bath after her uncle jered and grandpa jer left. She was kind of stinky and it wasn't quite bed time yet, so it was the perfect time. I am glad that jered and dad live fairly close that they are able to see jaely (and me and tj) when they want to.

A Night with Jaely

Not going to Traverse City today was probably one of the best decisions i have made. Jaely and i did not get a lot of sleep last night. Hopefully today we can catch up on our sleep. She did go 8 and a half hours between eating, but was up many many many times throughout the night with gas. I think this was the worse night we have had with her. We finally moved into the living room at 4:30, where she could be in her swing and i could sleep on the couch. Poor girl. It is going to be a sleepy birthday. I decided to let the house be messy today and take naps instead.

Another reason i am glad i did not venture up to Traverse is the main road (31) going up there is closed. It got completely washed out in the 10 inches of rain ludington received. That means when tj comes home tonight, he is going to have to go a round about way. Yuck! I just want him home!

Well, today i am 30. If you know me well, you know that i love my birthday. I normally get super excited in May and then am excited the whole week after my birthday. This year is different. I am not sure if it is because i am turning 30 or because my big birthday party vision that i had is not happening. I just feel kind of old and i am home alone all day with a person who isn't even 30 weeks old yet. She has no concept- although i was told that she got me a present. I might venture out to Target and spend a gift card i got for there. i might just stay home and sleep whenever i get the chance. I won't be celebrating too much with food because i am on weight watchers again and tj and i are celebrating on Saturday, so i want to save some of my bonus points. I think we are going to go shopping in holland and probably grab a bite to eat at a baby friendly place.

I am so thankful that i was able to fit a shower in between the crying last night or i would truly be miserable. The poor bug. I hope when she wakes up, her tummy feels better.

A Day with Jaely

i know every day is a day with Jaely, but this one was different. I knew we weren't going anywhere, so i was in comfy clothes all day. I made the beds in the guest bedroom and brough jaelynne with me. I put her on a blanket on the bed i wasn't making and ran the pillow cases over her face, sang her silly songs, and played peek-a-boo. She smiled a lot and made a ton of little sounds. I was determined not to be negative just because i am the only one taking care of her all day today, yesterday, and tomorrow. I decided to make the best of it. I spent time holding her a lot today and we looked in the mirror at ourselves a lot today too. During tummy time, she had her head, shoulders, and legs up. She was pretty stiff, so i was able to rock her back and forth- kind of like a rocking horse, only it was a rocking jaely. Right now she is in her swing looking at herself in the mirror making all kinds of noises. . . sometimes sounding upset, sometimes sounding brilliant. She should be sleeping, but she has hiccups and is working on farting. I guess i wouldn't be able to sleep either.

Today i got birthday card from TJ in the mail. He was hoping it would come tomorrow on my birthday, but i was so happy to get it. It made my day. He'll get home late tomorrow. I cannot wait!

Trip to Gail's

Last weekend we took Jaely on her first extended car trip to her grandma's house. The trip was wonderful . . . the only thing that could have made it better is if we did not leave the bag behind that held my camera and computer and if we had closed the freezer door ALL the way closed before we left. Because of those two things, we have no pictures of our fun weekend and we had a huge mess to clean up when we got home at 9:00 at night on Sunday.

I really need to clear off our table. I brought stuff home from school that i need to go through. The boxes have been piled high on our table since friday. It won't get done today because Jaely and i are going to hang out by a pool with some friends and their kids. TJ is gone until Friday night. I got a good night's sleep so i should be good today. here are some pictures to catch you on Jaely

Out for a Drink

I have an outing today that i am pretty excited about. A few of us are meeting at hobos for some end of the year drinks. I am hoping to get the scoop on what is going on at school, relax with some friends, and be out of my house. TJ is so understanding and knows how important it is for me to get out. I am hoping to feed Jaely and then leave right away to get the most of my time, but if i go long, TJ can feed her a bottle. I hope to be back in time to feed her though and have TJ use that bottle late tonight. It is crazy how timed everything has to be.

Tomorrow i am going to the staff breakfast with Jaely, then coming home and packing for Grandma gail's. I am amazed at how much more we need to bring now that we have jaely.

What a Beautiful Day

This morning our day started with visiting with Jason and Whitney before they headed out to dad's place. We took them to our favorite sandwich place. . . pekadils. TJ and i went there this weekend when they had ribs. We could smell and see the ribs on the grill as we approached the place. The ribs were unbelievable. . . they fell right off the bone and the sauce was delicious. They came with cheesy potatoes too and a big salad.

Today i got a salad and a milkshake. Jason got a wonderful looking sundae with Mackinaw island fudge ice cream. After we said our goodbyes TJ and i headed to the library that over looks the wooded bike trail so that i could feed Jaely. It was a great setting for a feeding. Tj got to hang out in the library and we got to listen to the birds. Then we went to Weesies for some Jacob's ladder, a fern (can you believe it dad?) and more phlox. TJ picked up some mulch the other day and he got that spread today (oh yeah, he didn't go to school today). It looks great. . . finished and it will keep the weeds down.




I dressed jaely in her pink and brown tye dyed onsie that i bought when i was out with lori and gail before jaely was even born. TJ tried dressing her in it when she first came home and she was swimming in it, now it fits perfectly. My how she has grown!