The Month of May

The month of May is going to be a crazy one, but once it is over, life should settle down. Not really, it will just be busy with stuff of our choosing i guess.

In May, school gets crazier with assessments and trying to fit all the curriculum in. There are field trips galore and field day and picnics and concerts. Our school is under construction so that is making the kids even wilder.

Every other weekend in May, TJ is taking a grad class in grand rapids. It will be nice to get it over with quickly, but killer on his already filled weekends and now add lawn and garden maintenance to that.

But, i got a little taste of summer today. We hung out outside almost all day. Jaely even got to play with her neighbor friend, Jaxson today. TJ shoveled mulch into gardens and Jaely charged up her climbing wall on the play set like she had done it a hundred times before. Last year she need our help and we basically had to push her the whole way up it. It was a tiring day and, at times, frustrating, but it was worth it. We have some happy girls!

I am nervous about how busy we have made our summer. But it should be a great balance of work and play and family time. I hope we don't spend a lot of money this summer. I hope we both feel rejuvenated by the end of it. There are Traverse City trips (work related), Upward Bound (teaching at MCC for TJ), a week long professional development for me, two camping trips, a week on Leelanau Peninsula, and trips to the zoo. See what i mean. . . i think after our busy May we will get a break, but not really!

Can you tell i am tired. My mind is bouncing around all over the place. Good night.

Our Weekend Adventure

I had a FaBuLoUs Easter. Morning was kind of a blur. Camryn woke up early and Jaely woke up early with a horrendous cough. She is now to the barking stage, so probably doctors tomorrow. We managed to all take showers and get ourselves fancy. Thank goodness TJ took some pictures before we left for church. I was trying to pack most of our stuff up so we could head out as soon as possible after getting back from church and brunch. But in all the flurry of activity, there were these two smiles that made me pause in gratefulness.
It was a wonderful time. We colored Easter eggs, did an Easter egg hunt, hung out with trevor and lori and gail and steve, colored, read books, had an Easter basket hunt, sang Jesus Loves Me, went to church and brunch. We feel so loved, yet so exhausted. TJ and i tried to unpack, make dinner, put the girls to bed, clean up, and get ready for our week, but i feel as though i wasn't very successful in this. I feel completely unprepared for next week and we still have stuff everywhere in our house! But in the grand scheme of things, it is family and memories that matter. Seeing my girls with smiles on their faces made it all worth it. Jaely and Cami bring so many smiles to the people around them. . . TJ and i can't keep it all to ourselves. We have to spread the joy around. And i am so glad we did!

But. . . It is going to be a long week.

Florida Memories

Every time over spring break, we would go to florida to visit my grandma and grandpa. I loved spending time down there. We would go to Adventure Island, Busch gardens, epcot, and Disney. We would go to the beach, have awesome food and go to the pool at the fitness center. I loved the Easter egg hunts. The chats with my granna and aunt. My brothers often picked on me, but i had dolls i could play with there and puzzles to do with my grandma and when i got older i liked to lay out in the back yard by the water, hoping i didn't get eaten by an alligator. I miss my grandpa and grandma. It is awesome to start making similar memories with Jaely. . . not only on Easter but the things we do during the summer too.

My grandpa and my uncle talking
Granna and one of her beloved dogs
A little excited.


I miss this warm place. . .

Panicky Thoughts

The last couple of days i have had such a struggle with finding peace. I find myself staring at Cami and wondering what her future will be like. I couldn't still my heart last night as i thought about Jaely growing old in this world. Thankfully, TJ rubbed my head and sat with me on the couch as i fell asleep.

At work
Things are so stressful at work. Our school is broke. Resources are scarce and expectations are unrealistically high. The kids are fading and in the forefront is data, cuts, meetings, unnecessary paperwork. Teachers (friends) are not going to have a job next year. I am going to make less than i did this year, which was less than i made last year. There is talk of our union taking drastic job actions. Since we are both teachers, this is a serious event. Our district is constructing a beautiful building with bond money, but doesn't have the money to staff it or maintain it. We work our asses off, but are getting the message that we are easily replaceable.


In our State
Which moves me to my worry about the condition of our state. I want our girls to grow up in Michigan. It is a wonderful place to be, but can be so scary at times. Will they have the same opportunities TJ and i had when we were growing up? How will education change as they move through the grades? It is not looking good for the education system right now. Will we be able to afford to give them a comfortable life? Will we always be able to afford this house? Will things bounce back?


In our world
I heard on the news this morning that a newborn baby was left in a dumpster in a box. She was miraculously found alive. I heard yesterday that a mother drove her minivan off of a bridge, committing suicide and killing her children. Overseas is such a mess. . . well, so are we. Gas prices are so high. Japan is scaring me. Things become much more serious in my heart when my children are involved. I was more easy going, less bothered by these kinds of things before i had kids. Maybe i was harder, colder. . . i don't know, but i do know that now that i have kids, i lose sleep a lot more easily. My heart has a harder time being still. The "what if's" occupy my mind. I hear so many sad stories about cancer invading young families, especially in the White Lake Area and it is a reminder of how fragile life is- How your three year old can seem like a perfectly healthy happy girl, and then a year later you can be told she has a fatal disease. That a 10 year old's knees can be sore, but not with growing pains, with cancer. That is the world we live in. I know there are many amazing, miraculous things that happen every day. I am not saying that everything is horrible. I am just reminded so many times recently that life is fragile. That we live in a very broken world. That i can have all the love for my husband and all the love for my daughters, but sometimes that isn't enough to protect them from everything. I've felt tremendous pain in the past and because of that, i think i am scared of feeling it again.

Jaelynne had TJ and i laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. She is so innocent, so fragile. I hate knowing that i can't protect her from everything. I need to just let that go. I love that my days are filled with kids, happy and healthy for the most part. I try not to concentrate on all the disturbing things- like a student whose mother steals her ADHD medication so she has to take it at school, or the student who comes to school with a cigarette burn on her cheek, or the student whose mother is in jail for repeatedly stabbing another person in front of the child. I try not to ponder those too much. Instead, i think of a group of girls running a mile and a half after school last night with Girls on the Run, or the huge amount of money that was donated for a needy family in our community, or those hugs i get every morning from students that are excited to come to school, or the pictures the nine year olds draw me, or their corny but funny jokes they can't wait to tell me.

The best though. . . you want to know the best things ever? The pitter patter of running feet across our wooden floor as i open the door to the house and i hear "mama's home! mama's home!" And Jaely runs to give me a giant leg hug and starts talking a mile a minute about her day. Or the contagious smile i get from Cami when she sees my face after hours of beng apart. . . her legs thumping up and down on the floor. A tender kiss from the most amazing partner i could ask for in this life. And to end the night, a family of four snuggling on the couch, reading about a pig who loves toast with a great deal of butter on it. Papa doing the characters' voices, mama holding Jaely's hand as she is wedged between her parents and a squishy, sleepy five month old sitting in my lap.

Life is good.
We are blessed beyond words.

Spring Break- Day 10

The final day.

I got so used to being with Camryn and Jaelynne. To sleeping in until 7. To playing outside in the sun or doing crafts inside while it rained. I didn't get much done on my list, but it was kind of an impractical list. I got a lot done. . . much more than i would have if i was at school all week. The biggest difference i saw was the fact that i had so much more energy for my girls and my husband. It wasn't sucked all dry by the time i saw my family. That was refreshing and a glimpse into my summer.

So today, we played outside in the morning. It was a fantastic 81 degrees outside. TJ filled the sandbox with sand. The girls swung in their swings. I went shopping while the girls were taking their naps. I got a cute shirt and some more stickers for Jaely's ABC book. I vacuumed. Did some laundry. Corrected some papers.

In the evening we went to church. Our church decided to move the time and location to save some money and to save the exhausting chore of setting up and tearing down every week. It was wonderful tonight. It goes into Cami's bedtime, so she got a little fussy, but then perked up. By the time we got home, ate dinner and got ready for bed it was 9:10. Ouch. I put Camryn down right when we got home, but Jaely takes a bit more preparation.

Now, i really should go to bed. 5:00 is going to come quickly. I don't even remember what i planned to teach tomorrow. Yikes!

Spring Break- Day 9

I had a wonderful ninth day of spring break. The weather was awesome and i got to spend some quality time with my girls. I told TJ to have the day to himself and do whatever he wanted to do. Although i didn't expect it, i was thankful that he helped out during lunch time. I needed to feed Cami and Jaely at the same time. Other than that, things went very smoothly. I put Cami in her dress for her 5 month pictures (i know, already!) and then we all played on the floor. Jaely insisted on wearing a dress because Cami was. After i put cami down for her morning nap, Jaely and i made Camryn a cake to celebrate her special day. I actually let Jaely stir real ingredients, instead of fake ones. It was great to giggle together. She just seems so old to me!

I told Jaely that as soon as Camryn woke up from her nap we would head outside to play on her play set. She was so excited. She wanted to wear her winter jacket and it was early enough where it was kind of chilly, so i let her. I bundled Camryn up in her stroller. She is such an easy going girl. She just watched Jaely play and stared at everything outside. Jaely was so excited to get back on her swings and slide!

When the girls went down for their naps, i dusted and cleaned toilets. I know, doesn't sound very exciting, but it was for me because it is something that i have been wanting to do. After the girls got up we went back outside where Jaelynne wanted to eat her snack on her new table. By this time, it is much warmer. We enjoyed our backyard so very much and got to meet our new neighbors that live behind us- two retired teachers. Jaely really enjoyed their two small dogs. TJ put Camryn's swing up and the glider. The girls could have stayed out there forever, but it was time to come in and get ready for dinner.


I had a wonderful day with my girls and TJ got some things done that he wanted to. I just painted my toenails a bright pink color in anticipation for sandal weather coming soon. As soon as Jaely sees them tomorrow, she is going to want hers painted. We will have to see.

Tomorrow, i do need to correct papers and do some planning. Reality will start to set in, but as for tonight, i am not thinking about school at all!

Spring Break- Day 8

I had a wonderful, busy, exhausting, eXcITiNg adventure today. And i am tired because of it. We took the girls to the Grand Rapids Children's Museum. There was sooooo much there for Jaely to do. My mistake- i told her last night that we were going on an adventure today, but that we were keeping our destination a surprise. She really wanted to go to McDonalds, so i guaranteed her that it was better than McDonalds. Well, i think that caused too much excitement in that little heart of hers because she could not settle down last night. She was in her bedroom at 7:30, but did not fall asleep until a little after 11:00! 11:00!!!! And then she woke up at her normal 7:20 time. So we took a very tired bug on an adventure. If she was well rested, she would have investigated more and stayed longer at each activity. Instead, she wandered around from place to place never really settling for more than a couple minutes. Let's just say it was a busy morning.

By 12:00 we were all over stimulated and ready to go. . . so we headed out to Twisted Rooster and met Jered there. By the time we left the restaurant, Jaely was a tired mess. It was nice to see Jered and Jaely was really excited. I love that my dad lives just a little north and my oldest brother lives just a little south. I need family around me.

When we got home, we all took naps. Short naps, but they were naps. We didn't want the girls to sleep too late because we wanted them to go to bed tonight. Cami is already asleep in her crib and Jaely is almost asleep with her eyes open as she finally finishes up dinner.

It was an adventurous day. I am so glad we live close to Grand Rapids. There is so much to do there. We really live in a perfect place- close to ludington, grand haven, grand Rapids, Holland. Even pretty close to Chicago for a weekend trip. . .

Spring Break- Day 7

My day can be separated into two categories- inside & outside.

Inside-
This morning after we dropped off the girls, we went to Toast & Jams for some breakfast. It was great to eat enjoy a quiet meal without any interruptions. Well, there was this one interruption that made me jumpy for the rest of the meal. The lady in the booth behind me went "PPPPSSSSSSTTTTTT" really loudly in my ear. She thought she knew me. She didn't. She scared the bejeebers out of me! When we got home, TJ worked on the built-in and i went downstairs to scrap.
This isn't finished yet, but doesn't it look beautiful?!

My A page for Jaely's ABC book. I have a lot done. . .


These i made with my Cricut. I am running out of stickers that start with different letters of the alphabet, but my Cricut came through for me!
Outside-
I have blisters on my hands from all the raking and i have dirt caked under my nails, but i LOVED working outside in the sunshine and warm weather. The back garden is quite a mess because i let it go by late summer. . . i was pregnant and tired. I am hoping to get wood chips to help me keep the weeds down this year. They got out of control last summer. There is some green this early on. . .

Hycinths

the reddish purple color of the peony

the sedum

a Hen & Chick

I filled the wheelbarrow many times with all the leaves and dead stuff.
The boxwoods are doing very well and the hostas in front of them are just starting to peek through the soil.
There are buds on the Fountain Cherry tree!

I have a hair appointment tonight that couldn't be switched. TJ is going to have to give Cami a bottle, entertain a three year old and get dinner ready while i sit in a chair and get my shoulders massaged. I feel bad. That means tomorrow we are going to the Children's Museum. I am bummed that Kevin Kammeraad won't be there like he is tonight, but going tomorrow will also give Jaely more time to play with things.

Spring Break- Day 6

I decided to run out to the mall for Younker's "Best sale of the season" sale and then i needed to stop at Jo Ann's because they have their stickers on sale this week. It was wonderful to wander around and not have to worry about jaely getting bored or Camryn having to eat or to sleep. I wandered and probably didn't make the best use of my time because of it, but enjoyed the wandering. When i got back, i had to pump and eat lunch and then i was off to the basement.

The basement is where i set up my crafting area. I have all of my scrapbooking stuff down there. I can leave it out, which helps a ton. I get a lot more done when i can sneak down there and everything is ready to go and then when i am out of time or a baby is crying, i can stop what i am doing and i don't have to put it all away. My Cricut is always ready to go and Jaely's hanging artwork and pictures inspire me. Sometimes the sun pours through the window. It can be chilly at times and it is nothing special, but i LOVE it. I also have my sewing machine down there and my huge cutting table. Right now there is a huge pile of cut fabric and a storage tub of cut ribbon ready for loopie making. Today, though, i just concentrated on scrapbooking. And honestly, i was down there for like 40 minutes before an uncontrollable sleepiness came over me. One that had to be given a short nap. I didn't get much done today while the kids were away, but i feel like i got some "me" time and i needed that!

TJ was able to put together Jaely and Cami's new outdoor table that they got from Nammy and Grandpa. And. . . he worked on the built-in!!! The window seat is glued together. I am getting really ExCitED about it again! TJ also fixed the stool that i got for free for school.Now i am looking forward to when the girls get home. I love to play with Jaely. . .it is so much more fun when i have energy. And i get to fed Camryn. I love having that bond with her. Who knows what i am going to do after their bedtime. Cami has been a bit fussy in her crib that last two nights. Nothing major, but annoying enough where you have to stick close by to reswaddle or reinsert her binky.

Spring Break- Day 5

Finally. . . sunshine and warmer temperatures. It actually feels like spring break. I tried to enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. I opened all the blinds and let the sun pour in. The cats appreciated it as they lounged in the warmth, sometimes stretching their bodies to fit in a single stream of light. Today was a very productive day. TJ dropped the girls off at Miss Amber's house at 9 and didn't pick them up until 4. We both got a lot done, independently of each other. TJ worked on reviving the truck. . . he swears it is saying "I'm not dead, yet." I beg to differ, but we can agree to disagree fairly easily on such issues. And i know there will be a time when i will be thankful that we have that truck. I just don't know how often that will occur or how soon it can occur. :)

While he worked outside on the truck and doing some spring cleanup, i worked inside. I cleaned out the girls' closets & cut tags off of their spring and summer clothes- some i had bought over two years ago at an amazing price. I washed them and then put them away. I was still not ready to put away long sleeves, sweaters, sweatshirts or jeans. So their summer and spring things sit in their closets, but they are ready to go when warm weather gets here. And when the busy end of the school year comes, i will be so thankful i got that done.

I also took on the task of catching up on Camryn's baby book. I was five months behind. That project spurred on the project of organizing pictures and albums. I labeled our albums with letters of the alphabet. In three years, we are already up to the letter S. Yikes! I scrapbooked quick pages of Cami's first Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day for her baby book. I had to go back on her blog and read about her at one month, two months, three months and four months so i could fill out that part of her baby book. That took awhile.

I am pondering about what to do tomorrow. I want to scrapbook Jaely's alphabet book, clean up the basement and go shopping for a few spring clothes (even though, i probably shouldn't). I need to have a plan of what i am doing before i wake up tomorrow. Maybe i should make a list. . .

Spring Break- Day 4

Because of Spring Break, i am getting to spend a lot of time with these two people.
Mornings are slower paced and starting a little later. I love snuggling, reading, and playing with my daughters. Today, Jaely said she wanted to go to the mall and play. I took her to Hobby Lobby first. We got some stickers and some finger paint to help get us through some of these rainy days that sound like they are sticking around. Jaely could not stop talking about the finger paints. She kept holding up her hands and wiggling her fingers. I set up a table for her downstairs for some of her crafting. Then we were off to the mall. I loved walking hand in hand with my three year old through the mall. She was pointing out purses and shoes and clothes. When she saw cars parked in the middle of the mall she said "silly cars, mama!" We stopped at the gap and found some robot pajamas on clearance and a few other goodies. Then we went to the play area. Jaely stuck closer to me at the play area than she did at the Gap. She said "too many people, mama. I go home and play with toys." So. . . off we went back home. Little did she know it was time for lunch and a nap. Toys would have to wait.

I love having energy for my daughters. It doesn't seem all spent by the time i get to play with them. My two hour naps do wonders for me! Almost every day so far, we have taken naps all at the same time. TJ falls asleep on the couch in front of the TV, Cami goes to sleep unbelievably quickly in her crib, Jaely puts pajamas on a few friends before crashing, and i crawl into bed as the little bit of light peeks in through the windows. The cats curl up on the bed by my feet and everyone sleeps. Everyone wakes up at about the same time too.

Although i am not in Florida or getting my windows and screens washed, i am savoring my time off. I looked at the clock this morning at 8:20 and a huge grin came over my face because instead of standing outside my classroom door greeting my students, i was making Camryn giggle on the floor.

Spring Break - Day 3

I had the perfect day. . . well, it may have been a titch more perfect if it was sunny and warm, instead of snowy and cold.

But. . . .

We got to celebrate the lives of two amazing three year olds today by dressing up and going to the Frederik Meijer Gardens. Happy Birthday Sophia and Jaelynne! You have brought so many smiles to people's faces.
It was so good to hang out with friends. With four kids there were quite a few interruptions in our conversations, but between chasing after kids, answering their questions, directing their attention and being interested in their experience we did manage to get a few conversations in. It was refreshing.

I think i might scrapbook tonight even though i am so tired. I just feel like relaxing, but being productive at the same time. And. . . it is spring break after all. I do not have to begin my day at 5 in the morning tomorrow! For that i am truly thankful.

Spring Break- Day 2

Today has been a rather strange day, although I am not sure what started it going in a strange direction. I got to sleep in two hours again. This morning i fed camryn and then fed Jaely when she got up, which is something i rarely do. It was nice. Then i spent the morning playing with the two girls. We are headed out after naps. I was going to go to some garage sales this morning, but the weather was quite disgusting- foggy & drizzling. So we all stayed in our jammies. . . everyone but Cami. She always gets dressed!

I did get a two hour nap in again! Whoo Hoo! The remainder of my break i am not going to take such naps. I am going to try to do something productive, yet enjoyable. Naps don't fit into that category. The sun is starting to peek out and i am gaining back some motivation to do stuff. Off i go to do who knows what!

Preschool

Of course I fell in love with the preschool we visited today. If i ran a preschool, i would totally set it up this way. Everything looked so organized and child-centered. The staff is very credible and seemed amazing. Jaely seemed so comfortable there. I loved the art section, all the cubbies, the small tables and chairs and benches, the murals and stage, the pets, and the exciting curriculum that i think Jaelynne is ready for.

But. . .
Next year is going to be a mixed up year anyway with TJ trying to finish his masters degree. The girls will have to be at daycare all day because TJ needs to work part time but also get his 600 hour practicum in. Which means all day day care but only getting paid as a half time person, plus the costs of all the classes (about $8000) next year. Time is running out to satisfy his degree without having to retake (and repay for) classes that he took when he started his degree. I support him in this and want so bad to make it work for him. He just seems like he would be an amazing counselor.

So we started the hunt for preschools. I felt like we don't have many options based on location. Neither one of us can really leave our job to run Jaely to Daycare mid day. The preschool we fell in love with is close to Amber so she has been known to pick kids up there and then have them finish the day up at her house.

Because the girls will be full time there next year, Daycare will cost the same if Jaely is there everyday or if she goes to Preschool three mornings a week. . . so basically Preschool will be extra, instead of taking the place of some daycare costs. I think Jaely would thrive at this preschool. I think it would be a great opportunity to learn more in the area of pre-literacy. She would also learn Spanish and sign language, participate in dramatic play and music, and learn more gross and fine motor skills.

With the increase in daycare costs and the amount of money to pay for the grad classes, i don't know if we can swing it. This is not what we intended. We wanted to not have to put our girls in daycare at all. We compromised with half days, and it turned out to be a wonderful thing. We are very happy with the set up we have now. There are few rushed mornings. The girls get plenty of sleep and plenty of play time with their papa. Jaely has learned to share and make friends because of daycare, but to be there all day is still not what we wanted.

Will i be okay with waiting until she is four to send her to preschool? Will i have regrets? Will the increase in pay once TJ gets his masters compensate quickly for this financially tough year ahead of us?

I just don't know what to do.

Arg.

Spring Break- Day 1

I got to sleep in until 7, instead of 5. I enjoyed feeding Cami and not feeling as rushed as a typically do on a Friday morning. She is super cuddly in the morning & this morning i had time to cuddle and play and make her giggle. I also had time to sip my chai, not out of a travel mug while driving to work, but out of a latte mug while sitting next to cami. I even sprinkled some extra cinnamon on it. It is only 12:30 and we have had quite an adventure already this morning. We went to a garage sale with the girls. They had brand new crafting and scrapbooking things for super cheap. They also had precious moments for $5, but i resisted my temptation, especially since i don't have my current collection fully displayed as it is. We got Jae an awesome organizer filled with beads, never opened and a polly pocket car and camper. She is so excited to go camping this summer. She has already started talking about it.

In a few minutes i am going to take a nap. . .a guilt free nap, which NEVER happens. I should always be doing something else, but now that it is spring break, i can tell myself that i have plenty of time to get things done at another time.

This evening, Jaely and papa are going to Miss Amber's for some pizza and to see some of her friends. I am hanging at home with the Camster. This spring break, i hope to get some scrapbooking done, start weeding through stuff in the basement, maybe rake out the gardens, and if it is warm enough clean windows and screens. That is quite a list with a 3 year old and an almost 5 month old. We will see!