Cloudy Day

I am in a funk. There seems to be many reasons. I kind of feel like Eeyore, but i realize i will be back to my normal un-eeyore self sometime soon Today i blame my funk on the clouds, and the approaching mother's day holiday. I will be in California on Mother's day, but i am hearing the advertisements and seeing the greeting cards now. . . where it is cloudy and sometimes lonely. TJ and i are really struggling to be content right now. We so desperately want a child to love and to hold. It seems pregnant people and little kids are stalking us, every where we turn there is one, and it makes it seem so obvious that we are without. I know we are just ultra sensitive to those around us, like when you know you need a pair of sandals, so you find yourself looking at everyone's shoes. It makes us want to eat, cry, hug. I feel like i am writing the same old thing on this blog. . . i long for a baby. Someday, i hope. . . i pray. . . i beg that i will be sharing good news. Will that time ever come? I do have doubts. If i can make it. If the time will come. If i can stay away from being a bitter, joyless person. I am so tired of this. I had at one time a group of nine friends who were pregnant. . . some of them are pregnant again, or probably will be soon. Seeing the babies and kids are almost worse. My yearning for being pregnant is still there, but my desire to be a mother is more intense.

I am going to eat, i think. Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. Thanks for caring. My friends and family are the best!