Coming Home

I couldn't get home soon enough today. I was destined for a nap. I was upset, overwhelmed, stressed, angry, and tired. Two days full of meetings. Today's meeting were just about a lot of change. . . change in documenting teacher absences, change in our grading program, change in curriculum, change in the principal's expectations. If you know me at all, you know i am not good with change when it is just dumped on me, with no time to plan for it and no time to reflect on it before responding. I cried when i got home, especially after talking to the rudest person at our credit union. I just needed to cry. I don't know if it is the hormones or my day or both, but it felt good. I am trying to stay relaxed, but there is so much pressure right now. I have such high expectations for teaching my students, sometimes very unrealistic, but i feel like i am made to feel constantly inadequate, unsupported, and unappreciated at times. Instead of being shown the good things we are doing, we are always shown the negative or the things that need to be changed. Nothing stays the same really. I know it is important to be constantly challenging yourself and constantly becoming better teachers, but this is ridiculous.

When TJ got home, he asked what was wrong and i could tell he genuinely wanted to know. i rambled on and on while crying about all the stupid things, changes, and expectations. He listened and hugged. He didn't try to fix or try to make me see it from another perspective. He just listened and hugged. It was just what i needed. I am still overwhelmed. Maybe because i have all these changes in my head, all of these outside pressures and without having my students in the classroom. . . it seems all for nothing. Maybe i will feel better when i actually get to start my job and teach. TEACH. Not filling out stupid monday morning reports, or documenting my positive parent contacts. Not making sure i am teaching the exact same thing my colleagues are at the exact same time or attending grade level meetings to discuss our ever changing curriculum. Not entering grades in a huge database that i don't find useful, or filling out 9 pieces of paper to attend one conference. When the kids come, i will see each of them for who they are and all this other junk will slip to the back of my mind. I will again see my calling. . . to TEACH. It is not the kids that are burning me out. It is all the other junk.- The negativity, the never satisfied administration, the aiming for a moving target, the jumping on the latest band wagon, the last minute changes and delivery, the miscommunication, the gingerbread molds.

TJ took me out to City Cafe. All i wanted to do was sleep, but i could tell he really wanted to eat out and it did sound good to get out and talk about other things. I just had to wait for my puffy eyes to settle down before we could go. Now i am going to bed. I had a long day yesterday and what seemed an even longer day today. I am low on sleep, energy and patience.

Tomorrow we are hanging out in GR and then we are staying at the amway grand for our last little get away and probably eat at Bistro Belle Vista. We are going to do some shopping, some spending, some relaxing, some connecting, and some laughing. Just what i need. When we get back, reality will set in and we will both get less sleep, worry more, and do the best job we can do at teaching our students.

Here we go!

Tomorrow is a day full of meetings, sitting, listening, explaining, snacking, and other energy sucking things. We also have open house, which is almost a week from when school actually starts. I will put on a smile, walk around, greet, talk, try to remember names, explain things, . . . and then come home and completely crash. I haven't gotten up at 6 and had to go go go in a long time, and i have never done it pregnant. I am pregnant (gosh, i love the sound of that)!!!! New experience, new year, new craziness!

I had a wonderful summer. Full of reading spelling articles to become master lindsey (which i successfully signed my teaching contract stating so), helping tj with the gardens, getting pregnant, sewing, reading, visiting with friends and family, relaxing, and enjoying life. Good bye summer. Next summer will definitely be different. . . in a good and busy way! I cannot wait.

Sewing

In spite of how exhausted i felt, i unlatched my beautiful wooden sewing box and began cutting fabric and ribbon. I cut a stack of fabric last week, but wanted to cut a little more. I then proceeded to make five Loopies by Lindsey. I love sewing. I love my sewing box that my father-in-law made special for me. I love how easy and cooperative my machine runs. There is nothing like a machine that actually runs correctly, has hassle free tension, and is user friendly if there is a slight problem - like having to change my needle. I love seeing my effort turned into something cute and cuddly.

The thing that i love most about making my loopies, is the feeling of accomplishment and pride. I am pretty impressed with myself. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I bought a taggie blanket a year ago and paid way more than i thought i should have and thought to myself "i could probably make this." A week later i was making a prototype and asking people what they thought. I tweeked some things and then started cranking them out. That was a year ago. So far i have sold close to 60, made two giant ones for charities, and given them as gifts to many friends.

I love hearing that so many of the people that have bought them for their kids are so incredibly pleased with them. I hear things like their kid can't go to bed without it, their kid has to have one in their crib and in the car, they carry it with them wherever they go. I have even seen them in pictures of my friend's family get togethers. One of my friends buys them for all her nieces and nephews and now her sister, whom i have never met, needs three of them to give as gifts as well.

Although i didn't invent the idea of having ribbon sewn in loops around a small blanket, i have found a way to make them with better fabric, more of a variety of ribbon, and for cheaper. That makes me happy. I was just told on Friday by a friend whose daughter has one that he saw them at a craft show and they were not nearly as nice as the ones i make. Yeah, i am tired, but i actually feel like i did something with my day. . . something i enjoy, something that gives me some spending money, and something that makes babies and toddlers smile.

Yum!

TJ called me at work today to tell me that he was going over to a friend's house to help out for awhile. He also delivered the message to me that there was one piece of Texas sheet cake left and it was mine. What a wonderful husband. I savored the cake, as i am watching Oprah talk about heart disease being the leading killer among women and how eating right can help. It was wonderful cake. i know i need to take better care of myself, especially my heart. I want to be around for my family. . . I want to be there for my grandkids.

I won't be into work for the rest of the week. We are going to visit dad tomorrow. I can't wait to see him and his projects. And then Thursday and Friday i have boring conferences i am signed up to go to. i am in pretty good shape in my classroom for open house, but i am not even close with the important stuff, like plans and schedules. I have another new boss this year. I am tired of getting a new principal every two years, and this new guy doesn't know anything about elementary or special ed! It is scary. he is a real nice guy, but it is still very frightening and exhausting.

I have a bunch of stuff i am supposed to read for these conferences, so i better get going. i should also probably clean the texas sheet cake pan, since TJ made the cake and let me have the last piece.

I am good!

I know i haven't posted in awhile, and i don't want people to worry. I am doing good. . . just tired and a wee bit busy. I have been going into school, watching baby Corbin, hanging out with friends, sleeping, napping, dozing, and smiling. Life is good. I am doing stuff for school this weekend and hopefully making a load of loopies by lindsey. I have an order for three of them and then i want a full basket when school starts. I need to get rid of the mound of fabric in the nursery closet.

I know i've said this before

I cannot believe how incredibly tired i am. Today, when we got back from church, i had the feeling like it wasn't a choice if i took a nap or not. I had to. I lay down on the couch and within minutes i was fast asleep, nothing would disturb me. Now that i am "awake" i feel like the walking dead. My eyes are stinging. I feel drugged. I am floating around trying to get things done, but i can't think straight and i feel so tired. I tried balancing the checkbook and for the first time in ages i am 27 cents off. I was not in the right frame of mind to figure it out. So i decided to water plants and dust the ceiling fans and blinds. I locked myself out of our front door because i am so out of it. I got in through the garage. I hope this gets better.

Pasta a la Caprese

Since my mom passed away in February of 2003, i have had her signature dish, pasta a la caprese, once. A few years ago, tj and i ventured up to my aunt's condo in the UP right on lake michigan. Both my aunt sharon and my aunt andrea made it for us.

Today, i made it. I have been wanting it and have been reminded of it often as the framed recipe, written in my mom's handwriting and stained with olive oil sits on my kitchen shelves by the sink. A precious gift from my big brother jered. I bought tomatoes from the farmers market. They looked and smelled perfect. As i made it, i found that my mom went away from the recipe a bit. Thanks to memories i am making it the true mom way. The recipe doesn't mention anything about seeding the tomatoes, but i distinctly remember her doing it. It made her hands hurt to run them under cold water for so long, so i normally took over for her. The recipe also mentions 20 fresh basil leaves, but i distinctly remember her shaking the McCormick dried basil leaves over the tomato concoction and having me taste it as she went to see if it needed more. The biggest difference would have to be the peppers. It calls for one fresh mild pepper cut into strips. My mom NEVER did that. She bought the banana peppers in a jar and cut those up. The only problem is is that i don't remember exactly how much, so i guessed and looked to see if the concoction looked and tasted familiar. I remember having to go back and get that jar of peppers once or twice in my life because my mom forgot to grab them in the isle. They are always by the pickles.

Now, the tomatoes, garlic, peppers, ground pepper, oil, salt, and basil are sitting in the plastic container covered by the lid. In a bit, i will uncover the bowl and take a little taste, add what it is missing, stir it and cover it again. Then repeat. Unfortunately i do not have it sitting in an avocado green Tupperware dish, like my mom, but i think my container will do just fine.

After it sits and when TJ and i get hungry we will make ziti pasta and add a ton of mozzarella cheese and dump the tomato concoction on the noodles and have ourselves some pasta a la caprese, mom style. Now i see why my mom always doubled the recipe, even though seeding 8 tomatoes got a little tedious. . . you definitely want left overs with this dish. It is one of those meals that are actually better when you warm it up. Here's to you mom. I wish you could come over for a little summer pasta treat, sit at our kitchen table, see our home, and discuss exciting baby things.

And so it begins

The school nightmares have started. The ones where it is the first day of school and the students are filing in with no end in sight. I don't have enough seats. I can't find the breakfast sheet. I have the wrong class list, which means their lockers, seats, mailboxes, and basically everything has the wrong names on them. Paper is hanging off the bulletin boards and i still have boxes of my stuff packed up. I can't even find a pen.

I have been in to school twice already. On wednesday, TJ came and helped tremendously. He moved all my furniture, hooked up all my computers, and actually has the capabilities to picture spatial things. I went in today to do bulletin boards and roam around thinking of all that i have to do. i do feel refreshed this year. Not teaching summer school was the best decision i have ever made, aside from saying yes to my boyfriend at the time question to marry him. That by far was my best decision.

I have already bought 60 some folders, colored pencils, a new tub, glue sticks, pencils, and notebooks.

I decided that i still have so much i can do at home in the air conditioning to prepare for school. I have two books i have to read by August 24th and i have books that i wanted to read during the summer for methods of teaching reading and writing. I have a ton of documents to create on the computer and a couple of posters to make. I am a little overwhelmed, but it will all work out.

Exciting Day!

I was reminded that i again had a monday off. I normally hate mondays. Today, we had our ultrasound (click here for a super cool summary), went to see Harry Potter on 3D IMAX, and bought baby ellis a crib.
I am exhausted. My stomach just doesn't feel normal, but again. . . i am alright with that because i am after all making a person. I don't want to eat anything. When i do eat, it is things like strawberry smoothies, strawberry mentos, or rainbow sherbet. Those just aren't nutritionally sound things for a growing baby, but i am confident that i will get my appetite back soon enough to provide some sustanace. If i try to eat better now, i will just throw it up anyway.

Harry Potter was amazing. And all i had to do was sit and watch. I am still exhausted. I came home and slept for an hour and now i am just waiting till it's time to go to bed, so i can sleep some more!

Local mothers. . . i need your help!

Tomorrow, I graduate from my reproductive endocrinologist in Grand Rapids, which means i now need to find an ob/gyn. As many of you know, i was not crazy about the one who referred me to the GR office. What i would like from you is comments on who was your doctor during your pregnancy and delivery and what you liked about him/her. Also, share what or who you didn't like. Of course, try to think of the appointments as well as delivery and discharge. Even if you told me before, i got everything jumbled in my head, so i would appreciate opinions again. Also, if you happen to work with any doctors (you know who you are!) i would greatly appreciate any input! Instead of just picking a random name, i would like to be somewhat educated. Thanks!!!

So Good to be Home

I get so excited when we pull into our driveway after being gone for just a weekend. I start thinking about our cats around Lansing and make little meowing noises. By Grand Rapids, i get really antsy. I don't know what it is, but i love this side of our state. I love the trees and wild life. I love the lack of traffic. I enjoy going to the farmer's market and knowing the farmers. I love how quiet it seems. And i truly love our home. I find peace on the couch and solitude in its quietness. I love petting our kitties and sleeping in our bed. I love looking at our flowers and reading the Chronicle, no matter how lame it is. I love the color on our walls and the soft carpet under my feet. I love our furniture. I love thinking about future dreams/plans of finishing the basement and putting in a pond. I love my washer and dryer and our tile floor. I like our windows and wood trim. I love our rounded corners of our walls and our hard wood floors. I love looking around and feeling so blessed and gazing at pictures and feeling so loved.

i especially have come to love the life we have over here. Don't get me wrong, family is wonderful. i just feel like this side of the state is for me. . . it is where i fit. It is where i got my education, where i started to choose to go to church on my own, where we got married, where we bought our first house, where we got our first jobs, where are friends are, where my older brother lives and closer to my dad. Where we fit in. We see Muskegon's potential and we are not far from the city of Grand Rapids. We can go to the most beautiful lake and sand dunes and be there in minutes or we can travel a little north and feel like we are on vacation. This is where i belong. This is where we will raise our child. This is home.

Call me Master Lindsey

Just kidding! Yesterday, I met with my professor and then walked over the blue bridge like a right of passage to kinkos to have three copies of my thesis bound. Thirty dollars and two hours later, i was holding a 101 page book that i had worked three months on. Hooray! I was finally done. My prof said that she got 8 copies of hers made. She passed them out like people wanted to read them or something. I wonder if she even autographed them! I just got one for myself because it is actually a pretty boring, repetitive read, but i am done!!!!

We are at gail's for the weekend to visit and celebrate matt's and Steve's birthday. I think we may go to costco today, too. On Sunday we are going to see my granna and aunt carol.

I gust wanted to right about my grate acomplishment of finishing my thesis on speling. (Ha Ha)!

Pictures

I finally downloaded some pictures. Here is what we have been up to. . .Thanks to my dad's power washer, we got the mold and grayness off of our porch and deck. I am glad TJ didn't rip his barefoot open.

Then, a fresh coat of stain went on the deck and porch. He also stained the front boards that he just installed. And we got hostas from matt for $3.00

The starrs came over for some scrapbooking, air conditioning, dinner, and Last Comic Standing. Corbin fell alseep during the show. . .i almost did.

While Sarah and i were scrapbooking and Nate was taking a placement test, TJ read Rendezvous with Rama to Corbin. He seemed so interested in the story.

Baby Ellis Blog

Awhile ago, TJ started a new blog for the future addition to our family. I won't double blog anymore, now that it will be public. Check it out here.