I am disgusted again with my weight. i gained so much back and it is so hard not t be angry with myself. I feel as though i am trying to do too many things. . . get pregnant, get healthy, get masters. Stress makes me want to eat, so it is a real bad situation. I wish i had a friend or family member that lived close. . . that could walk with me and go to meeting with me. I need a kick in the butt, someone to hold me accountable and someone that i could encourage too. I need to start going back to weight watchers. I am just so tired of thinking about it. I need to get past my anger and get going on getting healthy again. I keep thinking to myself how low in weight i was and how little my pant size was and that makes me want to give up before even starting. i need to keep in mind that i am still lighter than i was before starting weight watchers. I can see the fat coming back in my face. I can feel it in my chin and neck, especially when i am looking down. My stomach is hitting tables again and i am out of breath way too easily again. I can feel it coming back and i hate it. Only people who go through this can understand it. I don't expect others to understand it. Sorry for my whining. I am just so frustrated.
TJ and i just came back from a bike ride. I love the feeling of the wind in my hair and getting somewhere quickly. Now we are going to watch a movie. I just got my first shot. Ouch! The doctors changed my medication to a more cumbersome sot. TJ has to become a little chemist and mix a powder with a liquid. First he has to measure out the liquid, then put the liquid into the powder jar and shake. Then take them both out together into a syringe and shoot me with a needle. I feel bad for TJ, but he feels bad for me and we both feel thankful for the other. It is all good. Please pray for us. . . that this works. . .that God would bless us with a child.
Happy Friday
Wonders, Worries & What-Nots
3 comments:
I do kinda know what you're going through...like trying to quit smoking...the self doubt, the frustration, low self esteem and you are right about unless you've been there you have no idea. But it does not change the feelings of those who love yoy, only your own feelings towards yourself. And don't forget that. Dad
Thanks for that reminder dad! I just cannot believe, at times, how my self doubt affects my relationships with others so greatly. I become less of the real me, less outgoing, less fun. . . at least that is my perception. But you are right, i am surrounded by so many people that love me no matter what, for who i am. I love you.
You are beautiful inside and out no matter how much you weigh!
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